Ask the Homo

[Irvine511]

seriously. anything. i'll be as non-political as i possibly can be.

 

[Angela Harlem]

ok my question...is it true that you're just like everyone else?????

 

[Irvine511]

ok my question...is it true that you're just like everyone else?????

yes AND no.

yes, in that we breathe, eat, sleep, love, hurt, cry, and pee just like everyone else. however, we are attracted to members of the SAME sex, where as 95% of the population is attracted to members of the OPPOSITE sex. homosexuality is exactly the same as heterosexuality, so think of it like that. the only major difference is that same-gender couples tend to magnify some of the better (and worse) traits of either gender. remember lesbians are not men, they are LESBIANS. and gay men are not women, they are GAY.

 

[Angela Harlem]

I need to clarify I wasn't being serious. Gender makes no difference to me. And that's all that I reckon seperates groups in terms of sexuality. As it stands for anyone, very few people statistically will ever be attracted to the same person I, or you, are and gender is irrelevent. You like people. I like people. And we all pee and sleep and eat.

Sorry for sidetracking your thread lol

 

[Irvine511]

I need to clarify I wasn't being serious. Gender makes no difference to me. And that's all that I reckon seperates groups in terms of sexuality. As it stands for anyone, very few people statistically will ever be attracted to the same person I, or you, are and gender is irrelevent. You like people. I like people. And we all pee and sleep and eat.

Sorry for sidetracking your thread lol

i take your point -- i intended for this to be a tongue-in-cheek thread.

but on a serious note, i know there are people on FYM who may have never met a living, breathing gay person. so i can answer serious questions, too.

 

[TheBrush]

which do you prefer, gay, homoerotic, or vaginally-challengened?

boxers or briefs?
coke or pepsi?
MCDs or BK?
yankees or mets?
and do you believe a tomato is a fruit or a vegatable?

 

[BVS]

Is it true that if you love someone of the same sex and want to marry them that the foundation of which the institution of marriage and the moral ground for this country will crumble? Will we all go to hell?

 

[U2democrat]

Does it make you happy to know that my dad, my sister, and my brother in law are all mainstream ministers who do not believe that gays go to hell?

 

[Angela Harlem]

Oh! I do have a serious question. Well, 2 actually.

Ok, years back I worked at a company and all of us got on pretty well. One of the guys was gay and very open about it. Not campy, but he never hid it and it wasn't really an issue as no one really cared. he was still just Mark and a really great guy. But this isn't about Mark. Well the second question is. First question is about a woman we all worked with who originally came from another capital city in another Aus state. She was a lesbian and also a nice lady. One day she disappeared from work and the managers just said a vague 'she was taking a long leave of absence'. We all murmured we hoped she was ok and carried on as normal. She did keep to herself a fair deal so no one really knew what was going on. After a couple of months, management all walked around the work stations and called an impromtu meeting, a casual one. We all hovered near the filing cabinets and the floor manager cleared his throat and announced there was to be a "workplace transition and he needed our assistance"...we all got a bit lost at this point and wondered what the hell he was on about. There had been talk for a long time about our office relocating and we assumed it was that. But it wasn't. He said the lady who had gone on leave had actually gone away to have a 'gender transition' as he called it. She'd been in therapy, hence her long leave. He announced that she was now to be legally employed as a man and would be using the mens restrooms etc etc and if anyone had issues with this to arrange appointments with management and HR (human resources) and to ask that we all now call her by her new name which had been changed legally by deed poll and so on. She'd be returning in a week or so and anyone who had any problems or questins at all was to go about sorting it out the mature and respectful way and all that. The entire office seemed to adjust very weel. She was referred to as he and it all seemed fine, which was great. Mark told me her family didn't even know she was in a lesbian relationship prior so I couldn't even begin to imagine the massive life change she now he, had gone through. When he came back, it was like it all made sense. The hormone therapy and stuff he'd begun had started taking effect and he looked just like a guy. To an outsider, you'd never have guessed. I dont know if this background is entirely necessary, but this is my question: Was the partner of him now heterosexual? They remained in the relationship after she became a he and so how is sexuality affected by this kind of thing? Mark couldn't answer this and I dont know if anyone can, not that it really matters, but I am curious as to opinions.

My second question lo. When I left this company, we all went to the pub after a farewell dinner and all got on the turps. About halfway through the evening Mark made a comment about a guy standing at the bar. I asked him with a laugh how on earth he could tell the other guy was gay. Mark replied that he could spot one a mile off and had never known himself to be wrong. How on earth could he do that? I can't tell shit about people lol, so it was kinda interesting that he had what he called his 'gaydar'

So yeah...they're the questions. Any ideas?

 

[Irvine511]

which do you prefer, gay, homoerotic, or vaginally-challengened?

boxers or briefs?
coke or pepsi?
MCDs or BK?
yankees or mets?
and do you believe a tomato is a fruit or a vegatable?

#1) in common social discourse, "gay" is fine; amongs friends, "homo" is cute; amongst gay friends, even "fag"can be endearing. "faggot" is never acceptable

#2) boxer briefs. check out the 2(X)ist line. very cool.

#3) neither. fast food makes you fat.

#4) red sox. my dream is for the mets and the yankees to be playing against each other, and a comet to fall from space and incinerate both teams. except for that lovely Derek Jeter. he'll survive, and play for Boston, and will one day be mine.

#%) a tomato is a fruit by virtue of having fertalized seeds -- i was told that fruit is, scientifically, a fertalized ovary, hence it has seeds. thus, a tomato is a fruit.

 

[Irvine511]

Is it true that if you love someone of the same sex and want to marry them that the foundation of which the institution of marriage and the moral ground for this country will crumble? Will we all go to hell?

no. marriage will be stronger, society will be stronger, STDs will go down, HIV infections will go down, suicide amongst gay teens (and gays in general) will go down, and more needy children will be adopted.

 

[Irvine511]

Does it make you happy to know that my dad, my sister, and my brother in law are all mainstream ministers who do not believe that gays go to hell?

yes. and we need, and appreciate, all the love and support we get from Christians. on FYM, i've learned so much about the side of Chirstianity that i was never exposed to, nor do i hear much about on TV, thanks to Dobson, Falwell, Robertson, and W.

it makes me re-think my own relationship to christianity. needs more thought, but the fact that Christians are as diverse as any community makes me feel much more warmly towards the Church.

 

[Irvine511]

Oh! I do have a serious question. Well, 2 actually.

I dont know if this background is entirely necessary, but this is my question: Was the partner of him now heterosexual? They remained in the relationship after she became a he and so how is sexuality affected by this kind of thing? Mark couldn't answer this and I dont know if anyone can, not that it really matters, but I am curious as to opinions.

My second question lo. When I left this company, we all went to the pub after a farewell dinner and all got on the turps. About halfway through the evening Mark made a comment about a guy standing at the bar. I asked him with a laugh how on earth he could tell the other guy was gay. Mark replied that he could spot one a mile off and had never known himself to be wrong. How on earth could he do that? I can't tell shit about people lol, so it was kinda interesting that he had what he called his 'gaydar'

So yeah...they're the questions. Any ideas?

the first one is very interesting. i should say that i am gay, not transgendered, and that gender is a different issue from orientation. my guess would be this -- in my experience, and this is anecdotal, but women tend to be able to be attracted to either gender much more so than men do, where as with men it is much more cut and dried. for men, sexual intimacy creates emotional intimacy; and vice versa for women (again, in general). my guess is that the woman might socially and politically identify as a lesbian, but she is now engaging in heterosexual intercourse with a man (though i really don't know how parts are reconstructed, or if intercourse is even a part of their relationship). chances are she loves this person, whether as a male or female, and the physicality of gender is incidental to the love between the two.

gaydar is an amazing thing, and it does exist. mine is pretty good, but no one's gaydar is perfect. i usually notice two things that tip me off: 1) attention to appearance, 2) usually a very receptive, almost eager scanning of a room with the eyes (looking for other gay people). it's not much of a secret that gay men are as obsessed with appearance as much as straight women are (which is why they become such fast friends). both are subjects of what we call in lit theory "the male gaze" and it is a very powerful thing. you know you are being judged on how you look, and superficial as it might be, you do it to (as a gay man). it's not necessarily that gay men have better clothes or fashion sense (many do), but there's attention paid to details. is the hair perfectly gelled? does he shave well? is the shirt tucked in and the sleeves rolled just so? are his nails smooth? does he have good shoes? again, this is less about money and expense than about attention to detail. second, you are always on the lookout for other gay people. some of it is merely affirmation -- yay! other gay people! i'm not so alone! how do you figure this out? usually by seeing the traditional signs and signifiers of homosexuality (attention to appearance, also demeanor, also paying attention to certain gay trends ... shaved heads is big right now, creative body piercings, being over 40 and in great shape because you spend 5 nights a week at the gym), and then catching someone's eye and making all sorts of non-verbal eye contact. this isn't like trying to blink "come back to my place after the movie" in morse code, but more like catching someone's attention and acknowledging a commonality. also being aware of where you are -- in a major coastal city, for example.

i should also add that there are shlubby, unfashionable gay men who do none of these thigns. and there are straight men who ooze gayness. i'd say gaydar works abbout 70% of the time.

 

[BVS]

I throw off gay men all the time. I've been labeled as a metrosexual...

 

[deep]

Why are you trying to destroy traditional marriage?

Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?

Who's your friend?

 

[Irvine511]

I throw off gay men all the time. I've been labeled as a metrosexual...

take it as a compliment.

and i bet the girls love it.

 

[WinnieThePoo]

Would Genesis re-unite ???

 

[LyricalDrug]

Bono or Edge?

 

[Irvine511]

Would Genesis re-unite ???

no, Phil's ego is way too big.

 

[Irvine511]

Bono or Edge?

while Edge certainly looks gayer, with the shaved head, stubble, and creative headware, i think Bono is much hotter. in fact, i blame the "one" video -- the smoking, smoldering, i'm-an-angstful-blue-eyed-irish-poet video -- for my orientation. i was transfixed by the B-man at 14, and to this day have a thing for accents.

so, Bono.

of course, were we to include the band, LMJ takes the cake.

all the gay boys in the house LOVE him.

seriously. those smooth pecs, that hair ...

 

[BVS]

take it as a compliment.

and i bet the girls love it.

I do, and absolutely.

 

[-macphisto-]

Im curious as to know how and when you started having feelings for guys? There is so much controversy wether people are born with these feelings, or they come about later in ones life for uncertain reasons. ( I have heard that if you start having a fascination with sex at a very young age, or pornography at a young age can do this). I hope my question doesnt offend anyone.

 

[Irvine511]

Im curious as to know how and when you started having feelings for guys? There is so much controversy wether people are born with these feelings, or they come about later in ones life for uncertain reasons. ( I have heard that if you start having a fascination with sex at a very young age, or pornography at a young age can do this). I hope my question doesnt offend anyone.

probably the same time as most people start having feelings for the opposite gender. 6th or 7th grade for me.

before that, i do distinctly feeling different from the other boys in my elementary school. i never particularly liked sports, for example, nor was i interested in some very typical boy things -- cars, for example. i did love music and movies, so that was how i tended to make friends. i remember feeling slightly apart from everyone, especially at recess. playing soccer didn't much interest me, but i didn't want to play on the bars with the girls either. i usually solved this problem by "playing pretend" if it was possible, reading if that wasn't possible, though by the time 5th grade rolled around i was fairly certain that whatever it was i prefered to be doing (not soccer), wasn't what was expected of me. i was being a sissy. so i forced myself to play soccer. but by this time, i found swimming -- an individual sport, no physical contact -- and that consumed my life through college.

i do remember pre-sexual crushes on other boys that i never felt for girls. this was the beginning of a unique kind of pain that all gay people feel: a longing based on a structural lack of reciprocity. you never mention this. you know that something is up, that you crave a different kind of intimacy with your peers that is different than the typical friendships that develop between heterosexual members of the same gender. i spent lots of time psychoanalyzing this: i was a swimmer, and surrounded by nearly nude male bodies, so that's what was wrong; it would all go away once i finally had sex with a girl; once i got out of my suburban town i'd finally find girls who appealed to me; etc. i've stopped swimming, had sex with a woman, and now live in a city. still like male bodies.

it isn't as natural as sneezing, or eating, as some claim. for me, it was a secondary part of my psychological and emotional make up in that confusing part of the brain. my first explicit sexual experiences -- the "heavy petting" at 14 or so -- was with girls, but it was pantomime, doing what i thought it was is hould be doing. i have always enjoyed the company of women, sometimes preferred it to men especially when i was younger; but i have never longed for a woman in the way that i have longed for a man, craving a physical embrace and emotional solidarity. this starts to consume you, probably more so than heteros because you have to suppress it, so it moves from desire to obsession. you're constantly checking yourself, trying to see if you're outgrowing it. i remember trying SO HARD to masturbate to pictures of naked women (pun sort of intended). i couldn't do it without significant effort.

i also think, that had i grown up in a different time, i would have tried even harder to be straight. to suppress and repress. to do what was expected of me (i do what is expected of me, and more, in all other areas of my life ... i've always been a rather typical overachiever). but what made me eventually "come out" was two things:

1. finding myself in the midst of a real relationship with a man, and not wanting to keep him secret from my friends

2. realizing that the cruelest thing would be to continue to lie, especially when combined with trying to date a woman.

 

[-macphisto-]

probably the same time as most people start having feelings for the opposite gender. 6th or 7th grade for me.

before that, i do distinctly feeling different from the other boys in my elementary school. i never particularly liked sports, for example, nor was i interested in some very typical boy things -- cars, for example. i did love music and movies, so that was how i tended to make friends. i remember feeling slightly apart from everyone, especially at recess. playing soccer didn't much interest me, but i didn't want to play on the bars with the girls either. i usually solved this problem by "playing pretend" if it was possible, reading if that wasn't possible, though by the time 5th grade rolled around i was fairly certain that whatever it was i prefered to be doing (not soccer), wasn't what was expected of me. i was being a sissy. so i forced myself to play soccer. but by this time, i found swimming -- an individual sport, no physical contact -- and that consumed my life through college.

i do remember pre-sexual crushes on other boys that i never felt for girls. this was the beginning of a unique kind of pain that all gay people feel: a longing based on a structural lack of reciprocity. you never mention this. you know that something is up, that you crave a different kind of intimacy with your peers that is different than the typical friendships that develop between heterosexual members of the same gender. i spent lots of time psychoanalyzing this: i was a swimmer, and surrounded by nearly nude male bodies, so that's what was wrong; it would all go away once i finally had sex with a girl; once i got out of my suburban town i'd finally find girls who appealed to me; etc. i've stopped swimming, had sex with a woman, and now live in a city. still like male bodies.

it isn't as natural as sneezing, or eating, as some claim. for me, it was a secondary part of my psychological and emotional make up in that confusing part of the brain. my first explicit sexual experiences -- the "heavy petting" at 14 or so -- was with girls, but it was pantomime, doing what i thought it was is hould be doing. i have always enjoyed the company of women, sometimes preferred it to men especially when i was younger; but i have never longed for a woman in the way that i have longed for a man, craving a physical embrace and emotional solidarity. this starts to consume you, probably more so than heteros because you have to suppress it, so it moves from desire to obsession. you're constantly checking yourself, trying to see if you're outgrowing it. i remember trying SO HARD to masturbate to pictures of naked women (pun sort of intended). i couldn't do it without significant effort.

i also think, that had i grown up in a different time, i would have tried even harder to be straight. to suppress and repress. to do what was expected of me (i do what is expected of me, and more, in all other areas of my life ... i've always been a rather typical overachiever). but what made me eventually "come out" was two things:

1. finding myself in the midst of a real relationship with a man, and not wanting to keep him secret from my friends

2. realizing that the cruelest thing would be to continue to lie, especially when combined with trying to date a woman.

Thanks for awnsering my question! Just one more question, you said in previous years you tried to like girls, but do you think that if you really were determined that you could overcome being homosexual? It sounds like its more phsycological than anything, so is it possible to overcome it?

 

[dlihcraw]

Will you become a Canadian anytime soon, assuming Canada allows gay marriage?

Also, what is the “traditional definition” of marriage? Why do so many people fail to understand so such definition exists? The ancient Greeks openly practiced gay relationships, and many of the participants were philosophers. ANCIENT GREEK PHILOSOPHERS HAD A HUGE IMPACT ON THE DEVELOPMENT OF ROMAN CATHOLIC CANONS! Also, what about faiths, cultures, whatever, that practice polygamy? Surely Mormons (a Christian faith that can be found in Utah, USA and British Columbia, Canada) and certain fractions of the Islamic faith are as traditional as us, no? Further, what about cases of matriarchs, where a single woman assumes multiple male partners? Hmm, hmm?

Isn’t it more appropriate to speak of a localized legal definition of marriage than a traditional definition of marriage? I mean, it’s obvious “new” traditional definitions have penetrated the dominate North American mindset. Laws must be what’s really at the heart of this matter, no? Hey, weren’t there once laws excluding woman from the definition of person, as with blacks and aboriginals?

One love, one blood, one life…

 

[cujo]

do you think that if you really were determined that you could overcome being homosexual? It sounds like its more phsycological than anything, so is it possible to overcome it?

Overcome has such a negative connotation in this instance. Wish you had used a different word, even though you didn't mean anything by it.

 

[-macphisto-]

Overcome has such a negative connotation in this instance. Wish you had used a different word, even though you didn't mean anything by it.

what word do you want me to say?

 

[cujo]

Maybe using transition... I don't know. Overcome implies a disparity of lifestyle.

No worries though. This isn't my thread.

 

[U2utah2U]

I have a question that could really help me out. I have a friend that has been dealing with homosexual tendencies this past year. She had a girlfriend for awhile but left her when the relationship got abusive. Now she says she's trying to "go straight." I'm having a hard time relating to her since I'm married and have a kid but I love her as a friend and want to be as supportive as possible. What literature would you recommend for family and friends of people that are "coming out?" --How we can be supportive without being judgmental and also how to keep lines of communication open even though there may be tension in the relationship?

 

[LoveTown]

I don't really have a question but I want to thank you for being so open and for trying to make people see that homosexual people are human too. I've always argued that but so many people dont believe it from a heterosexual. A

big thanks and a biiiiiiiig for you