Ask the GOP-Controlled Whortense!

[GOP-Controlled Whortense]

Dear Sinners,

I have decided to grace yourself with my presence. Any questions are up for grabs, and the rules are that you must expect a "GOP-Controlled Whortense" style answer.

If you are easily offended, thou should probably go back to the hell that you came from.

(And, of course, this is all in jest.)

So ask away or get thee to a nunnery.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

Is Dick Cheney really that big, or was that picture fake?

 

[deep]

Is God on America's side

or just the red states?

 

[U2democrat]

Am I going to hell for having my username as it is?

 

[GOP-Controlled Whortense]

Is Dick Cheney really that big, or was that picture fake?

"Big"? I dare not know what you mean.

If this is dirty sexual innuendo, I will have Jesus wash your mouth out with soap!

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

you look like Joan Rivers

 

[GOP-Controlled Whortense]

Is God on America's side

or just the red states?

Oh it's simple. On Judgment Day, the "blue states" will be consumed to the furthest depths of hell.

The "red states" will never make it to Judgment Day. They will ascend to Heaven on the Rapture.

Hooray!

 

[GOP-Controlled Whortense]

Am I going to hell for having my username as it is?

Yes. Repent for the day is nigh!

If not, more room for me and Jesus.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

Does John Kerry still get Botox?

 

[melon]

GOP-Controlled Whortense, I've seen your writings. Hell, I could have sworn that I've written them myself in a delusional state.

But that's besides the point. What do you do in your spare time when you're not "America's Greatest Christian"? Do you have any hobbies? What's your favorite movie? Do you have a favorite actor/actress?

Do tell. Us heathens want to know and follow your glorious example.

Melon

 

[A_Wanderer]

Does the GOP Control you with the same Mind Control Satelite as the Neocons? Do tinfoil hats really protect our thoughts?

 

[hiphop]

What makes you feel sexy?

 

[speedracer]

Do you really think you're clever?

 

[GOP-Controlled Whortense]

Do you really think you're clever?

I could ask you the same question.

 

[GOP-Controlled Whortense]

Does John Kerry still get Botox?

Botox. No botox. He'll burn all the same!

 

[GOP-Controlled Whortense]

Does the GOP Control you with the same Mind Control Satelite as the Neocons? Do tinfoil hats really protect our thoughts?

I have a direct feed tapped into my brain. And "tinfoil hats" are such an old Whortense's tale. Colloidal silver is where it's at!

 

[GOP-Controlled Whortense]

What makes you feel sexy?

A Godly woman like myself does not feel "sexy." Those who do consume themselves with lust and burn in eternal hellfire!

 

[Evalicious]

Can i wear a white dress when i marry Major Basstrap next month? Or should i shy away from
the holy white, cos im kinda slutty, you know......

 

[BVS]

So out of all the sinners, which one's burn the fastest?

 

[speedracer]

I could ask you the same question.

No fair, I asked first.

 

[financeguy]

In the rapture will the Godly ones just disappear or will they spontaneously combust?

 

[Kieran McConville]

I'm curious: should we stone disobedient children?

 

[clipper699]

Is it okay to lust after Jenna and Barbara?

 

[GOP-Controlled Whortense]

But that's besides the point. What do you do in your spare time when you're not "America's Greatest Christian"? Do you have any hobbies? What's your favorite movie? Do you have a favorite actor/actress?

In my spare time, I carve personalized "Christian stones." If we are going to "liberate" heathens, then we must do it correctly!

My favorite movie is "Left Behind II: Tribulation Force." And my favorite actor is Kirk Cameron.

 

[GOP-Controlled Whortense]

Can i wear a white dress when i marry Major Basstrap next month? Or should i shy away from the holy white, cos im kinda slutty, you know......

"Born-again" virgins must wear black to match their souls.

 

[GOP-Controlled Whortense]

So out of all the sinners, which one's burn the fastest?

None of them burn fast. They burn forever and ever and ever and ever.

 

[GOP-Controlled Whortense]

In the rapture will the Godly ones just disappear or will they spontaneously combust?

We "Godly ones" (and to be specific, I only mean myself), will disappear, where I will head into the clouds and watch below, where I can enjoy the heathens' torment.

 

[GOP-Controlled Whortense]

Is it okay to lust after Jenna and Barbara?

Repent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[melon]

I'm curious: should we stone disobedient children?

It is in the Bible, after all, according to GOP Whortense's signature.

Melon

 

[Do Miss America]

This is my favorite thread ever.

Even though you may think I'll be burning unless I deprogram and turn straight.

Do homosexuals burn at a hotter temp than heterosexuals, or do all sinners burn at the same temp?