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Old 05-01-2005, 09:37 AM   #1
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ask the girl who married a gay man

ok, irvine, start asking...
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Old 05-01-2005, 09:38 AM   #2
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so ... could you tell before he told you? if so, what tipped you off?
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Old 05-01-2005, 09:41 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally posted by Irvine511
so ... could you tell before he told you? if so, what tipped you off?
no, i had no idea. i did have close friends ask me if they thought it was possible, but my mind wouldn't even consider it.

even his best friend since childhood, who came out about three years before he did, asked me if i thought it was possible.

understandably, i was in great denial.
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Old 05-01-2005, 09:50 AM   #4
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Wow, I somehow missed this story

So how long were you married?
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Old 05-01-2005, 09:53 AM   #5
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True or False - "Its all turned out for the better, correct?"
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Old 05-01-2005, 09:53 AM   #6
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Originally posted by bonosloveslave
So how long were you married?
we were married for seven years.
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Old 05-01-2005, 09:58 AM   #7
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True or False - "Its all turned out for the better, correct?"
that's complicated. for who? for me or him? he's now living the life he always wanted, while i struggle as a single mother.

is it better that i'm now a single mother? no.

is it better that i have a beautiful daughter? yes.
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Old 05-01-2005, 10:08 AM   #8
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I think I missed this story too

Was he gay when you got married or did he 'become' gay while you were married?
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Old 05-01-2005, 10:10 AM   #9
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who were you most angry at? were you angry at all?

looking back, in retrospect, like after watching the "sixth sense," are there times when you think, "oooh, that was a big clue, should have seen that coming"?

how do you talk to your daughter about it?
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Old 05-01-2005, 10:14 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sicy
I think I missed this story too

Was he gay when you got married or did he 'become' gay while you were married?
wow, sicy, you never knew? sometimes i just want to cuddle you all up.

he tells me now that he's known his whole life that he was gay. which leads me right into into irvines question about anger...
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Old 05-01-2005, 10:24 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by Irvine511
who were you most angry at? were you angry at all?

looking back, in retrospect, like after watching the "sixth sense," are there times when you think, "oooh, that was a big clue, should have seen that coming"?

how do you talk to your daughter about it?
i was very angry. especially, as i said, when he told me he knew his whole life that he was gay. it's funny that you chose the sixth sense analogy. i remember after the divorce, he was telling me all about the movie he'd seen the night before, with the HUGE surprise ending. and i sarcastically said to him, "what's the big surprise, bruce willis is the dead guy?" heh. i can guess that one, but not the gay one.

talking to my daughter about it was tricky. the first few years were so filled with anger, that i just didn't talk about it at all, which was wrong. but when her father started bringing his "rommmate" with him on visits, it was kind of hard not to address.

it's still very hard for her to accept. and she doesn't like when he brings his partner when he visits.
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Old 05-01-2005, 10:29 AM   #12
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Quote:
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and she doesn't like when he brings his partner when he visits.
she does, however, get a great kick out of their huge male bulldog named "bella."
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Old 05-01-2005, 10:32 AM   #13
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Hmm...do you think she objects solely because his partner is male, or do you think it's the "step-parent" complex? That is, if your husband left you for another woman, do you think she'd feel the same way about a "stepmother"?

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Old 05-01-2005, 10:32 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally posted by bonosgirl84


that's complicated. for who? for me or him? he's now living the life he always wanted, while i struggle as a single mother.

is it better that i'm now a single mother? no.

is it better that i have a beautiful daughter? yes.
The overall situation....you're now settled as a single-mother with a wonderful child providing her the best life you can...as opposed to living in a situation, out of your control, that might be confusing to your daughter if Dad were living within the household....I would say that its for the better...
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Old 05-01-2005, 10:47 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by melon
Hmm...do you think she objects solely because his partner is male, or do you think it's the "step-parent" complex? That is, if your husband left you for another woman, do you think she'd feel the same way about a "stepmother"?

Melon
you and i have tossed this one around before, and i absolutely think it's because it's another man that it makes it more difficult for her.

yes, if it were a step-mother, she might not like that situation either, but it would, for a child, be much easier to adjust to. many of her friends have step mothers. none of them have two fathers. it could possibly put her in a position that she isn't ready to deal with at such an age.

and whether that's right or wrong, that's the reality of a child's world.
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