ask the girl who married a gay man

The friendliest place on the web for anyone that follows U2.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
Irvine511 said:
so ... could you tell before he told you? if so, what tipped you off?

no, i had no idea. i did have close friends ask me if they thought it was possible, but my mind wouldn't even consider it.

even his best friend since childhood, who came out about three years before he did, asked me if i thought it was possible.

understandably, i was in great denial.
 
Mr. BAW said:
True or False - "Its all turned out for the better, correct?"

that's complicated. for who? for me or him? he's now living the life he always wanted, while i struggle as a single mother.

is it better that i'm now a single mother? no.

is it better that i have a beautiful daughter? yes.
 
I think I missed this story too :ohmy:

Was he gay when you got married or did he 'become' gay while you were married?
 
who were you most angry at? were you angry at all?

looking back, in retrospect, like after watching the "sixth sense," are there times when you think, "oooh, that was a big clue, should have seen that coming"?

how do you talk to your daughter about it?
 
Sicy said:
I think I missed this story too :ohmy:

Was he gay when you got married or did he 'become' gay while you were married?

wow, sicy, you never knew? sometimes i just want to cuddle you all up. :hug:

he tells me now that he's known his whole life that he was gay. which leads me right into into irvines question about anger...
 
Irvine511 said:
who were you most angry at? were you angry at all?

looking back, in retrospect, like after watching the "sixth sense," are there times when you think, "oooh, that was a big clue, should have seen that coming"?

how do you talk to your daughter about it?

i was very angry. especially, as i said, when he told me he knew his whole life that he was gay. it's funny that you chose the sixth sense analogy. i remember after the divorce, he was telling me all about the movie he'd seen the night before, with the HUGE surprise ending. and i sarcastically said to him, "what's the big surprise, bruce willis is the dead guy?" heh. i can guess that one, but not the gay one.

talking to my daughter about it was tricky. the first few years were so filled with anger, that i just didn't talk about it at all, which was wrong. but when her father started bringing his "rommmate" with him on visits, it was kind of hard not to address.

it's still very hard for her to accept. and she doesn't like when he brings his partner when he visits.
 
Hmm...do you think she objects solely because his partner is male, or do you think it's the "step-parent" complex? That is, if your husband left you for another woman, do you think she'd feel the same way about a "stepmother"?

Melon
 
bonosgirl84 said:


that's complicated. for who? for me or him? he's now living the life he always wanted, while i struggle as a single mother.

is it better that i'm now a single mother? no.

is it better that i have a beautiful daughter? yes.

The overall situation....you're now settled as a single-mother with a wonderful child providing her the best life you can...as opposed to living in a situation, out of your control, that might be confusing to your daughter if Dad were living within the household....I would say that its for the better...:)
 
melon said:
Hmm...do you think she objects solely because his partner is male, or do you think it's the "step-parent" complex? That is, if your husband left you for another woman, do you think she'd feel the same way about a "stepmother"?

Melon

you and i have tossed this one around before, and i absolutely think it's because it's another man that it makes it more difficult for her.

yes, if it were a step-mother, she might not like that situation either, but it would, for a child, be much easier to adjust to. many of her friends have step mothers. none of them have two fathers. it could possibly put her in a position that she isn't ready to deal with at such an age.

and whether that's right or wrong, that's the reality of a child's world.
 
I do remember this. I'm glad you're better with it. :hug: How long has it been since you've been divorced? Do you like his partner?

I went to the wedding of a friend thinking he seemed awfully gay to me. About 7 years later (is that the magic number, lol) they split up, and THEN he came out. He maintains to this day that he didn't know he was gay until after they broke up and he began "experimenting." I think that's bullshit and so did she. It's now been 15 years since he came out and she never spoke to him again. He and I remain close but she disappeared. I'm still waiting for him to 'fess up that he knew all along.
 
joyfulgirl said:
How long has it been since you've been divorced? Do you like his partner?

it's been about six years since we've been divorced.

i can't really say that i know his partner well enough to like or dislike him. he certainly seems like a nice enough guy. i did get into it with him on the phone once, when he tried to tell me what he thought was best for my daughter. he later called and apologized.

they live in san fransisco, while i live in southern nevada, so it's hard to form any type of solid relationship with the two of them, but we try.
 
U2democrat said:
Did you ever find out/wondered why he married you in the first place?

he was simply in denial. he recently told me that he could have stayed married and had more children, but that he felt "pressure" to come out.

yeah, i'm still trying to figure that one out, too.

sounds to me like he's STILL in denial.
 
was he a republican?:angry::wink:

seriously, sorry u had to go thru this ms. bgirls184.

divorces are icky even "amicable" ones. :hug:

db9
 
Last edited:
martha said:
Is he a decent father to his child?

no. he's not.

he has only visited twice in the last two years, and if you asked him what his daughter's favorite bands, tv shows, or hobbies were, most likely he wouldn't know. and i would bet my life that he couldn't name two of her friends or one of her teachers.

their relationship is based mostly on phone calls, when she chooses to take them.

he has never been to a graduation, or a cheerleading competition, heard her play her clarinet in the school band, or seen her in a school play. and indirectly, this has everything to do with the fact that he's gay, because he chooses to live so far away, "in a city where he can be more open with his lifestyle."

those are his words, not mine.
 
martha said:
That's too bad.

Bad fathers fuck up their children in so many different ways. She's lucky to have you.

It sounds as if all he's ever cared about is himself.

Yep. Some people just should never be parents.


And I don't mean that because he's gay, there are plenty of sucky heterosexual dads around too (and bad mom's of all types too).

But I do feel that one good parent can have a huge positive impact in a child's life.
 
Last edited:
wow, this is something i never knew. :hug: bg!

sounds like you are doing a great job being the best mom you can.

I have that "gaydar" feeling about a couple of people I know and I see them struggling to have hetero relationships and I just want to scream "Come out, already". Because I know that they will do the same thing. :(
 
Back
Top Bottom