Ask a Childfree Chick

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What age are you? Are you married/ in a long term relationship? If not, would you change your mind if you met the perfect partner?
 
So...how do you feel that you are refusing to "fulfill your destiny??"





:wink:
 
I have also chosen not to have children and I have been marrried for almost 12 years. Do you find that some people seem to get a confused look on their face when you tell them you don't want children? I get this reaction all the time. Its as if they think I am weird or have some medical problem.
I often wonder why some people seem to think that everyone should want to have children? So basically, I am wondering if you get the same reaction and how do deal with it without being rude?
 
Hi :)

when did you choose not to have children?... i'm asking you this cuz I'm 22 and I don't wanna have children "never". is not that i don't like them ( I wouldn't be a children illustrator then :D )...

some people tell me that I'm too young to take that kind of decisions, but I feel pretty sure about my choice.
 
I also don't want to have kids...I want to focus on a career, and if i were to have kids i'd want to focus on them, which takes away from the career. People tell me that I'm selfish for feeling this way. Do you ever get anything like that? Do people look down on you for not starting a family?
 
Are you religious?

Do any songs on the new U2 album 'speak to you'? (Heck, we're on a U2 board here):wink:
 
U2democrat said:
I also don't want to have kids...I want to focus on a career, and if i were to have kids i'd want to focus on them, which takes away from the career. People tell me that I'm selfish for feeling this way. Do you ever get anything like that? Do people look down on you for not starting a family?
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Selfish? Why? That's smart. I have a very hard time focusing on both. Work can be draining and kids deserve energy.
 
I don't see why it's selfish, it's a choice. I don't want children now, it's not something that really crosses my mind. My Mum said she always felt like this until she met my Dad and when they got married she said she really wanted to start a family, due to health reasons she couldn't have anymore after my sister was born and she says it was a big regret that she couldn't have another child. She even looked into fostering but thought it would be too difficult. My aunt can't have children and when I look at her and her husband I feel quite sorry for them, they really wanted children and she spends all her time decorating her house and I think that's pretty unfulfilling. I think that in the future, if I meet the right partner, having a family is something I'd like to do.
 
nice to see i'm not alone. i'm 29, single, and have never wanted children. the older i get, the more sure of that i am. it's not that i hate kids or anything, i just don't see myself taking on that role.

the selfish comments make me angry to no end. society still holds this notion that motherhood is the ultimate experience, and it's somehow 'unnatural' not to want children. i have all the respect in the world for mothers--it's the hardest job on earth, and you can't afford to fail. me, i have too many conflicting ambitions--my career goals, my desire to travel the four corners of the earth... i'm lucky to live in a place and time that allows me the choice not to have children, and for that i am eternally grateful.

:up:
 
I don't know what that has to do w/ anything..:huh:

Does it drive you crazy when people w/ strollers think they have the right of way and practically mow you down? :wink: it drives me crazy

It is all about choice-some people get really sanctimonious about having kids. Mostly they do this while their kids run wild and they have no control over them :D
 
I'm 34, married 13 yrs & have no children. Some of the reason is medical but a good portion of it is that I've never really been able to see myself with kids. Mr. Blu says I would make a wonderful mother despite my doubts, but I just can't see it. Which has a lot to do with why once we found out I had problems that would interfer with my conceiving naturally, I didn't want to pursue any special effort to try & get pregnant.
I've always told Mr. Blu that it was due to: a) the cost, and b) the risk of taking a bunch of fertility drugs & all the procedures that go along with them, but deep down it's because I believe there are times when you just shouldn't fight Mother Nature. If I was "picked" to be childless, then I just need to learn & accept that fact. Which is what I've done. We have a fulfilling life without children and when I'm ready to play Mom, there are plenty of family members & friends with kids of different ages that I can bond with.
As for strangers or relatives questioning our childlessness (is that a word? :huh: ), I've been so fortunate that folks don't really pry too much. Of course, I have the benefit of falling back on "medical reasons" as my excuse... which people seem to accept better than my just outright saying I don't want kids.
 
I used to think that if someone didn't want kids, they must be a bad person or something. But now I don't. If you don't want kids, PLEASE DON'T have any! There are too many kids out there being yelled at and ignored by parents who don't like them. I think some people only want kids to have descendants for their family tree and to care for them in their old age. That's not fair to the kid, and they can grow up messed up and make this world a worse place!

On the 'selfish' thing, I think that's hard to deny. Children do take a lot of your time, energy, freedom and money, and some people aren't willing to give those things up. So maybe that is 'selfish'. But so what? My husband has a cousin who makes no bones about it, when anyone asks her why she didn't want kids, she comes right out and says "because I'm too selfish" If you aren't willing to give enough of yourself to a kid, then don't have one, it's better not to than to have one and resent it or neglect it. Everyone is different!:)

On the other side, my best friend and her husband are unable to have kids and they want them badly. :sad: Maybe in the future there will be a way for people who don't want kids to donate their healthy reproductive organs to those who are infertile.

If you'd rather have a busy career, and don't want a kid raised 10 hours a day in day care, no need to have one. We all want different things. But I do hope all of you who don't want kids will at least give a home to a homeless cat or dog :wink:

I've been gone awhile, now I have to go back and answer my thread! I'll do it later today or tommorrow :wave:
 
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U2Kitten said:


On the 'selfish' thing, I think that's hard to deny. Children do take a lot of your time, energy, freedom and money, and some people aren't willing to give those things up. So maybe that is 'selfish'. But so what?
Click to expand...

Or maybe you've just never had the desire.:|
 
BonoVoxSupastar said:


Or maybe you've just never had the desire.:|
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Well if it's not your 'thing', don't do it! :wave:

(and once again, you only quote the worst parts of my posts, leaving out the rest that further explains my meaning. You have done that a lot :| )

I also want to know, do those of you who don't want any and want to devote your life to other things think that people like me and Rosie are 'stupid' or not good enough for anything else but breeding, and that you're too good for wasting your life with diapers? I hear snickers like that sometimes:|

And isn't there yet another category, a person who didn't ever go around saying how much they didn't want kids, but it just never happened for them for whatever reason. (infertility, no good relationship, put it off too long, etc.)
 
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U2Kitten said:

(and once again, you only quote the worst parts of my posts, leaving out the rest that further explains my meaning. You have done that a lot :| )
Click to expand...

No I read the rest of your post and I understand what you're saying, I don't disagree with anything you said except calling everyone who doesn't want to have kids as being selfish. Yes some may be but not all are. Would you call a nun selfish because she chose not to marry? Saying someone is selfish is to assume first of all that all couples should procreate. I think that's the wrong assumption to start with.
 
When people do want kids though, don't many of them (not all, admittedly) want to have them for entirely selfish reasons, too? I can't imagine many people having children out of some great altruistic desire to contribute to the society or whatnot; many have them simply because they want kids and want to satisfy their personal desire for the family. Sure, kids demand devotion and sacrifice, but I imagine that people feel that there's still a great personal pay-off for them in parenting.
 
AcrobatMan said:
the problem with mankind is that

they want to have sex but they dont want kids..and then you keep struggling ...against the nature and against everything...thinking that it will make you happy..
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Not having kids is not a struggle for me. I use birthcontrol and I am very happy. I also believe sex is NOT just for having kids. It is also for pleasure.:sexywink:
 
Is it selfish to have kids for certain reasons? Like trying to hold a failing marriage together? Like a distraction from a bad marriage? Because that's what society or your family expect from you?

Maybe it is :shrug: I think it's alot less selfish to choose not to have children if you know that's not what you want and if you know it would be for the wrong reasons.
 
Those 'selfish' comments (usually from the extreme 'what's the point in exising if not to be a babymachine' brigade) annoy me too. I think it would be a lot more selfish to bring children into the world if one is unable/unwilling/unready to give them the best possble upbringing.
 
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Children are not for everyone! They weren't for me. I'm about the ago of the band members, and due to physiological issues I'm not able to conceive a child, and I don't sweat it. It's just something that's not for either me or my two younger sisters. It's a little sad that my parents only have one grandchild, but one is better than none. We love her! Children have to be a choice. If you don't want them, then, please don't have them.
 
BonoVoxSupastar said:


No I read the rest of your post and I understand what you're saying, I don't disagree with anything you said except calling everyone who doesn't want to have kids as being selfish. Yes some may be but not all are. Would you call a nun selfish because she chose not to marry? Saying someone is selfish is to assume first of all that all couples should procreate. I think that's the wrong assumption to start with.
Click to expand...

Then you didn't understand my post! I did NOT say 'everyone sholud procreate' :rolleyes: far from it! I may have thought that years ago but I certainly know better now! You, once again, are accusing me of extreme things I did not say and do not think! :mad: The nun thing, oh boy, you love your worst case scenarios! Didn't you read the last part of my post where it said 'for whatever reason it just didn't happen for some'? You got me TOTALLY wrong, buster!

What I mean by 'selfish' is that if some people don't want kids because it takes time and money away from things they'd rather do, then you can't call that not selfish, it is! But I'm not saying that's a bad thing because they shouldn't have kids anyway, and it's good that some people have the good sense to see that before they bring them into the world, because as several others have posted, there are also selfish and wrong reasons TO have a child, and that is not fair to the child!

And on a side note, it is also annoying to be a mother and have people call you 'selfish' for not doing everything your kid wants you to do, giving them something you wanted (like the last piece of cake) or spending money on something you want instead of what they want. Sigh. I think I am a very doting mom, and I spoil them and I'm terribly overprotective, yet I still have relatives who call me a bad mom or 'selfish' for stuff like that. It makes me wish they were all 18 so I could stop hearing it. And it also makes me understand why some people don't want kids!
 
U2Kitten said:
I also want to know, do those of you who don't want any and want to devote your life to other things think that people like me and Rosie are 'stupid' or not good enough for anything else but breeding, and that you're too good for wasting your life with diapers? I hear snickers like that sometimes:|
Click to expand...

I don't look down upon stay-at-home moms. My own mother was one. Anyone who snickers at you for not working outside the home is an idiot, so if I were you I simply wouldn't worry about what they think.
 
U2Kitten said:

Then you didn't understand my post! I did NOT say 'everyone sholud procreate' :rolleyes: far from it! I may have thought that years ago but I certainly know better now! You, once again, are accusing me of extreme things I did not say and do not think! :mad: The nun thing, oh boy, you love your worst case scenarios!
Click to expand...
You've misconstrued everything I've said.:rolleyes: You're still calling anyone who chooses not to have kids selfish and that's not fair.


U2Kitten said:

Didn't you read the last part of my post where it said 'for whatever reason it just didn't happen for some'? You got me TOTALLY wrong, buster!
Click to expand...
Yes I read that part. "Didn't happen for some" but that's still assuming that they wanted and it just didn't happen. That's not the case and you're ignoring that fact.

U2Kitten said:

What I mean by 'selfish' is that if some people don't want kids because it takes time and money away from things they'd rather do, then you can't call that not selfish, it is! But I'm not saying that's a bad thing because they shouldn't have kids anyway, and it's good that some people have the good sense to see that before they bring them into the world, because as several others have posted, there are also selfish and wrong reasons TO have a child, and that is not fair to the child!
Click to expand...

I have a cousin who's been married for 12 years, fairly young, fertile, great husband, she's a nurse, active in her church, and she volunteers several hours a month for a shelter. She never wanted children and for none of the reasons you listed, she just didn't want kids. I wouldn't call her selfish, she's one of the most selfless people I know.
 
BVS, I am so angry at you I shouldn't even post because I want to call you bad things. I did NOT say EVERYONE was selfish, you idiot, I said only if it was because they didn't because of money and freedom! That's only 2 reasons, not nuns, infertile people, busy people, or people who just don't care one way or the other. And even if it is a 'selfish' reason, I say that's not bad because they had the good sense to realize it and not have kids before they did, because so many people have kids for selfish reasons too! And did you ignore my 'mother labeled selfish' speech? You are so fucking hopeless. You make up your own mind with a sweeping generalization and ignore all my explainations. This is far from the first time or the only topic. I'd appreciate it if you never answered my posts again if you are going to do that.



BTW Shades, thanks.
 
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