Ask a Childfree Chick

[BVS]

BVS, I am so angry at you I shouldn't even post because I want to call you bad things. I did NOT say EVERYONE was selfish, you idiot, I said only if it was because they didn't because of money and freedom! That's only 2 reasons, not nuns, infertile people, busy people, or people who just don't care one way or the other. And even if it is a 'selfish' reason, I say that's not bad because they had the good sense to realize it and not have kids before they did, because so many people have kids for selfish reasons too!

Sorry I angered you so much but after 3 posts you only talked about or used examples of those who admitted selfishness or those that couldn't have, I tried to give you chances to admit there are some that just choose not to, but you never did. Still no need for names. That's uncalled for.

And did you ignore my 'mother labeled selfish' speech? You are so fucking hopeless. You make up your own mind with a sweeping generalization and ignore all my explainations. This is far from the first time or the only topic. I'd appreciate it if you never answered my posts again if you are going to do that.

No, I read the 'mother labeled selfish speech' and I didn't have anything to say about it. Like you said it was a sidenote. I didn't see anyone in here call any mother selfish so I didn't feel a need to speak about it. Believe me I would have done so.

You are being entirely too emotional and I don't appreciate personal attacks so good bye.

 

[indra]

Now this thread is getting fun!!

 

[sallycinnamon78]

I don't look down upon stay-at-home moms. My own mother was one. Anyone who snickers at you for not working outside the home is an idiot, so if I were you I simply wouldn't worry about what they think.

Well said, Bono's shades.

Personally, I can't ever see myself staying at home raising children - I would go insane. That's my choice.
What anyone else chooses to do is their business.

I would certainly NEVER disrespect anyone for choosing to be a parent and taking good care of their children. Parenthood is so undervalued in this messed up world.

Anyone who can't see that is either a dumbass, or has a bit of growing up to do still, in my opinion.

 

[Golightly Grrl]

Eesh, this has gotten interesting. I've been so busy, that I completely forgot that I had written this post.

First, Muggsy and U2Democrat. Do not let anyone tell you that you are too young to decide you don't want to have children. I know of plenty of childfree people who knew from an early age that children weren't meant to be. They wanted to focus on other things and have never regretted their decision. However, be very stringent with the birth control. I recommend many viewings of "Nanny 911"

As for the selfish thing. Well perhaps, there are other plans in my life. Sure, being a parent is a huge task and very challenging, but so is working full time to support oneself, going to a very tough college and graduating with the highest honors, being on the board of school organization, tutoring, being the co-editor-chief of the school newspaper, and creating a new local magazine. Yes, I've done all of those things and I continue to fill my life with worthwhile endeavors. Contributing to the population is not the same thing as contributing to society.

Now don't think I just bashed parents with that last sentence. I have a great deal of respect for moms and dads take the role of parenting seriously and are raising decent, loving, compassionate, well-mannered human beings. I may not be raising the future, but I will be employing the future.

What I do despise is the "Smug Mommy Club", woman who think because they have kids, they know everything. I was discussing this with my sister, a very devoted SAHM, and she said she has nothing but questions. However, some moms to get this idea that they are more knowledgeable, more compassionate, more skilled than any childfree chick. Um, I don't think so. A mom who has never done yoga in her life and can't write to save her life can't be a contributing editor to a yoga magazine like I am. No fuckin'
way.

Anyway, whatever choices one makes in life, do it with substance and style. If your're going to be a SAHM, then be the best SAHM you can possibly be. I you're going to be a writer/editor, then be the best writer/editor you can possibly be. It takes all types to make an interesting and vibrant world.

Oh, "One" and "Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own" really speak to me. And I hate giant SUV-sized strollers with the intensity of ten thousand suns.

 

[U2democrat]

great post

 

[BonosSaint]

I didn't want to get involved in this thread, because I think the decision to have or not have children is a personal one. I chose not to have children, because I would be a lousy parent. (Luckily, my cat is low maintenance).

But the battle is getting just too good.

That being said, I have great respect for good parents. I have great respect for people who want children but cannot have them (and it should be easier for them to adopt!!!!). And I certainly have respect for people who choose not to have children FOR WHATEVER REASON. However, there are a lot of lousy parents out there who feel entitled because they are parents and I have no respect for them. Their children throw food at you at a restaurant and you're supposed to be charmed? You politely ask a parent to stop their child from screeching directly into your ear and you are almost involved in a fistfight. I like children. It's just some of the parents I can't stand. Seems to be there is a cult of the child. The problem is these children are going to grow up, knowing no boundaries and feeling the world should give them whatever they want just like mommy and daddy did. There are going to be a lot of disappointed young adults coming up.

 

[Moonlit_Angel]

I've heard some stories from various people around my age or so about how awful their parents are...there's some seriously pathetic excuses for parents out there, there really are.

I personally wouldn't mind having kids someday (but not for quite a few years yet...so not ready for them now). But if a person doesn't want to have children...*Shrugs*. Doesn't bother me at all, as that's their choice to make, they have their reasons and all that.

Angela

 

[Maggie1]

I didn't want to get involved in this thread, because I think the decision to have or not have children is a personal one. I chose not to have children, because I would be a lousy parent. (Luckily, my cat is low maintenance).

But the battle is getting just too good.

That being said, I have great respect for good parents. I have great respect for people who want children but cannot have them (and it should be easier for them to adopt!!!!). And I certainly have respect for people who choose not to have children FOR WHATEVER REASON. However, there are a lot of lousy parents out there who feel entitled because they are parents and I have no respect for them. Their children throw food at you at a restaurant and you're supposed to be charmed? You politely ask a parent to stop their child from screeching directly into your ear and you are almost involved in a fistfight. I like children. It's just some of the parents I can't stand. Seems to be there is a cult of the child. The problem is these children are going to grow up, knowing no boundaries and feeling the world should give them whatever they want just like mommy and daddy did. There are going to be a lot of disappointed young adults coming up.

The reason why I quit teaching. The parents.

 

[RosieHS]

Not having kids is not a struggle for me. I use birthcontrol and I am very happy. I also believe sex is NOT just for having kids. It is also for pleasure.

Hear, hear! Good point maddam.

 

[RosieHS]

I am a mother of five, FIVE! boys and I also work part-time in a professional job. I am a Prepress Technician which requires a lot of skill and mental concentration. My bosses would love for me to dedicate myself completely to my career, however, I did make it clear that my family comes first. They have been very accomodating and have hired an extra person to help out and pick up the slack for when I'm out on family leave and for when I'm attending to a sick child and/or husband. They never let me forget the great lengths they go thru for me. I am a great worker and my skills are what keeps me here. Though, it's sometime hard to stay "sharp" when you've been up at all hours tending to the family and household (and getting my dose of blue crack )

I have a lot of respect for "all" people in general. I'm tolerant of people of different cultures, religion and backgrounds. I wonder if raising five kids with varying characteristics has taught me that. Lastly, pacience is the greatest thing a parent can have. The rewards are spectacular for me - it's not easy being a parent. That's my choice and I will do my best to be a wonderful parent for my kids.

 

[joyfulgirl]

I did NOT say EVERYONE was selfish, you idiot,

Yes, I am quoting 'the worst part' of your post but since it speaks for itself I don't have anything else to say about it.

I have chosen not to have children. I have never had any desire to have children, none whatsoever. I do want to live my life the way I want to and children just have never been part of my vision or plans for my life. Is that any more selfish than the person who wants to have children because they are a part of their vision of their life and what makes life good? Is it any more selfish than the person for whom one or two children isn't enough and they just keep wanting more? Would it be fair of me to say that people who want children are selfish because they want to project their own unrealized dreams and desires onto their children? Of course not. Everyone carves out the life they want to lead--sometimes it includes children and sometimes it doesn't. I don't see that one avenue is any more selfish than another because they all include desiring to have the life you want.

 

[martha]

I have chosen not to have children. I have never had any desire to have children, none whatsoever. I do want to live my life the way I want to and children just have never been part of my vision or plans for my life. Is that any more selfish than the person who wants to have children because they are a part of their vision of their life and what makes life good? Is it any more selfish than the person for whom one or two children isn't enough and they just keep wanting more? Would it be fair of me to say that people who want children are selfish because they want to project their own unrealized dreams and desires onto their children? Of course not. Everyone carves out the life they want to lead--sometimes it includes children and sometimes it doesn't. I don't see that one avenue is any more selfish than another because they all include desiring to have the life you want.

As usual, you said it all and said it better than I ever could.

I knew from my teenage years than I didn't want children. I've been married 16 years come July, and Steve knew when he chose me that he wouldn't be a father. He chose me instead of fatherhood. We wouldn't have the great life we have now if we'd had children; I'd be dreadfully unhappy all the time as a mother.

Now, medically, it's impossible for me to concieve, and lemme tell ya, that makes for some carefree fun.

 

[U2Kitten]

What I do despise is the "Smug Mommy Club", woman who think because they have kids, they know everything. I was discussing this with my sister, a very devoted SAHM, and she said she has nothing but questions. However, some moms to get this idea that they are more knowledgeable, more compassionate, more skilled than any childfree chick. Um, I don't think so. A mom ho has never done yoga in her life and can't write to save her life can't be a contributing editor to a yoga magazine like I am. No fuckin'
way.

Anyway, whatever choices one makes in life, do it with substance and style. If your're going to be a SAHM, then be the best SAHM you can possibly be. I you're going to be a writer/editor, then be the best writer/editor you can possibly be.

I CAN write, I have been an aspiring writer since I was a kid. I have had something put in a small literary magazine and won 2 newspaper contests. I have several long novels in progress which I can never finish because I have a hard time changing them from what I want them to be to what the public would want them to be. This is a stereotype I don't like, people thinking that all stay at home moms are stupid and not good enough for anything else. I'm actually very well read on a wide variety of subjects (especially history) and would do very well on Jeopardy (the only subject I can't do is math) I have caught my kids' teachers in some very stupid mistakes and corrected them.

It takes all types to make an interesting.

True, there are all types and it takes all types. But don't assume that once someone has kids, it's over and that's all they can do and all they think about. That's not true at all.

And I hate giant SUV-sized strollers with the intensity of ten thousand suns.

Believe it or not, I despise minivans, your average soccer mom, and those strollers with the huge wheels that yuppies push while jogging