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Old 03-28-2005, 07:47 AM   #16
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I'm 34, married 13 yrs & have no children. Some of the reason is medical but a good portion of it is that I've never really been able to see myself with kids. Mr. Blu says I would make a wonderful mother despite my doubts, but I just can't see it. Which has a lot to do with why once we found out I had problems that would interfer with my conceiving naturally, I didn't want to pursue any special effort to try & get pregnant.
I've always told Mr. Blu that it was due to: a) the cost, and b) the risk of taking a bunch of fertility drugs & all the procedures that go along with them, but deep down it's because I believe there are times when you just shouldn't fight Mother Nature. If I was "picked" to be childless, then I just need to learn & accept that fact. Which is what I've done. We have a fulfilling life without children and when I'm ready to play Mom, there are plenty of family members & friends with kids of different ages that I can bond with.
As for strangers or relatives questioning our childlessness (is that a word? ), I've been so fortunate that folks don't really pry too much. Of course, I have the benefit of falling back on "medical reasons" as my excuse... which people seem to accept better than my just outright saying I don't want kids.
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Old 03-28-2005, 08:48 AM   #17
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I used to think that if someone didn't want kids, they must be a bad person or something. But now I don't. If you don't want kids, PLEASE DON'T have any! There are too many kids out there being yelled at and ignored by parents who don't like them. I think some people only want kids to have descendants for their family tree and to care for them in their old age. That's not fair to the kid, and they can grow up messed up and make this world a worse place!

On the 'selfish' thing, I think that's hard to deny. Children do take a lot of your time, energy, freedom and money, and some people aren't willing to give those things up. So maybe that is 'selfish'. But so what? My husband has a cousin who makes no bones about it, when anyone asks her why she didn't want kids, she comes right out and says "because I'm too selfish" If you aren't willing to give enough of yourself to a kid, then don't have one, it's better not to than to have one and resent it or neglect it. Everyone is different!

On the other side, my best friend and her husband are unable to have kids and they want them badly. Maybe in the future there will be a way for people who don't want kids to donate their healthy reproductive organs to those who are infertile.

If you'd rather have a busy career, and don't want a kid raised 10 hours a day in day care, no need to have one. We all want different things. But I do hope all of you who don't want kids will at least give a home to a homeless cat or dog

I've been gone awhile, now I have to go back and answer my thread! I'll do it later today or tommorrow
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Old 03-28-2005, 08:56 AM   #18
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Originally posted by U2Kitten


On the 'selfish' thing, I think that's hard to deny. Children do take a lot of your time, energy, freedom and money, and some people aren't willing to give those things up. So maybe that is 'selfish'. But so what?
Or maybe you've just never had the desire.
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Old 03-28-2005, 08:57 AM   #19
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Or maybe you've just never had the desire.
Well if it's not your 'thing', don't do it!

(and once again, you only quote the worst parts of my posts, leaving out the rest that further explains my meaning. You have done that a lot )

I also want to know, do those of you who don't want any and want to devote your life to other things think that people like me and Rosie are 'stupid' or not good enough for anything else but breeding, and that you're too good for wasting your life with diapers? I hear snickers like that sometimes

And isn't there yet another category, a person who didn't ever go around saying how much they didn't want kids, but it just never happened for them for whatever reason. (infertility, no good relationship, put it off too long, etc.)
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Old 03-28-2005, 09:22 AM   #20
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Originally posted by U2Kitten

(and once again, you only quote the worst parts of my posts, leaving out the rest that further explains my meaning. You have done that a lot )
No I read the rest of your post and I understand what you're saying, I don't disagree with anything you said except calling everyone who doesn't want to have kids as being selfish. Yes some may be but not all are. Would you call a nun selfish because she chose not to marry? Saying someone is selfish is to assume first of all that all couples should procreate. I think that's the wrong assumption to start with.
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Old 03-28-2005, 11:20 PM   #21
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When people do want kids though, don't many of them (not all, admittedly) want to have them for entirely selfish reasons, too? I can't imagine many people having children out of some great altruistic desire to contribute to the society or whatnot; many have them simply because they want kids and want to satisfy their personal desire for the family. Sure, kids demand devotion and sacrifice, but I imagine that people feel that there's still a great personal pay-off for them in parenting.
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Old 03-29-2005, 02:14 AM   #22
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the problem with mankind is that

they want to have sex but they dont want kids..and then you keep struggling ...against the nature and against everything...thinking that it will make you happy..
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Old 03-29-2005, 03:56 AM   #23
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Originally posted by AcrobatMan
the problem with mankind is that

they want to have sex but they dont want kids..and then you keep struggling ...against the nature and against everything...thinking that it will make you happy..
Not having kids is not a struggle for me. I use birthcontrol and I am very happy. I also believe sex is NOT just for having kids. It is also for pleasure.
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Old 03-29-2005, 04:54 AM   #24
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Is it selfish to have kids for certain reasons? Like trying to hold a failing marriage together? Like a distraction from a bad marriage? Because that's what society or your family expect from you?

Maybe it is I think it's alot less selfish to choose not to have children if you know that's not what you want and if you know it would be for the wrong reasons.
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Old 03-29-2005, 05:03 AM   #25
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Those 'selfish' comments (usually from the extreme 'what's the point in exising if not to be a babymachine' brigade) annoy me too. I think it would be a lot more selfish to bring children into the world if one is unable/unwilling/unready to give them the best possble upbringing.
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Old 03-29-2005, 06:13 AM   #26
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Children are not for everyone! They weren't for me. I'm about the ago of the band members, and due to physiological issues I'm not able to conceive a child, and I don't sweat it. It's just something that's not for either me or my two younger sisters. It's a little sad that my parents only have one grandchild, but one is better than none. We love her! Children have to be a choice. If you don't want them, then, please don't have them.
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Old 03-29-2005, 04:11 PM   #27
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Originally posted by BonoVoxSupastar


No I read the rest of your post and I understand what you're saying, I don't disagree with anything you said except calling everyone who doesn't want to have kids as being selfish. Yes some may be but not all are. Would you call a nun selfish because she chose not to marry? Saying someone is selfish is to assume first of all that all couples should procreate. I think that's the wrong assumption to start with.
Then you didn't understand my post! I did NOT say 'everyone sholud procreate' far from it! I may have thought that years ago but I certainly know better now! You, once again, are accusing me of extreme things I did not say and do not think! The nun thing, oh boy, you love your worst case scenarios! Didn't you read the last part of my post where it said 'for whatever reason it just didn't happen for some'? You got me TOTALLY wrong, buster!

What I mean by 'selfish' is that if some people don't want kids because it takes time and money away from things they'd rather do, then you can't call that not selfish, it is! But I'm not saying that's a bad thing because they shouldn't have kids anyway, and it's good that some people have the good sense to see that before they bring them into the world, because as several others have posted, there are also selfish and wrong reasons TO have a child, and that is not fair to the child!

And on a side note, it is also annoying to be a mother and have people call you 'selfish' for not doing everything your kid wants you to do, giving them something you wanted (like the last piece of cake) or spending money on something you want instead of what they want. Sigh. I think I am a very doting mom, and I spoil them and I'm terribly overprotective, yet I still have relatives who call me a bad mom or 'selfish' for stuff like that. It makes me wish they were all 18 so I could stop hearing it. And it also makes me understand why some people don't want kids!
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Old 03-29-2005, 04:40 PM   #28
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Originally posted by U2Kitten
I also want to know, do those of you who don't want any and want to devote your life to other things think that people like me and Rosie are 'stupid' or not good enough for anything else but breeding, and that you're too good for wasting your life with diapers? I hear snickers like that sometimes
I don't look down upon stay-at-home moms. My own mother was one. Anyone who snickers at you for not working outside the home is an idiot, so if I were you I simply wouldn't worry about what they think.
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Old 03-29-2005, 04:55 PM   #29
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Then you didn't understand my post! I did NOT say 'everyone sholud procreate' far from it! I may have thought that years ago but I certainly know better now! You, once again, are accusing me of extreme things I did not say and do not think! The nun thing, oh boy, you love your worst case scenarios!
You've misconstrued everything I've said. You're still calling anyone who chooses not to have kids selfish and that's not fair.


Quote:
Originally posted by U2Kitten

Didn't you read the last part of my post where it said 'for whatever reason it just didn't happen for some'? You got me TOTALLY wrong, buster!
Yes I read that part. "Didn't happen for some" but that's still assuming that they wanted and it just didn't happen. That's not the case and you're ignoring that fact.

Quote:
Originally posted by U2Kitten

What I mean by 'selfish' is that if some people don't want kids because it takes time and money away from things they'd rather do, then you can't call that not selfish, it is! But I'm not saying that's a bad thing because they shouldn't have kids anyway, and it's good that some people have the good sense to see that before they bring them into the world, because as several others have posted, there are also selfish and wrong reasons TO have a child, and that is not fair to the child!
I have a cousin who's been married for 12 years, fairly young, fertile, great husband, she's a nurse, active in her church, and she volunteers several hours a month for a shelter. She never wanted children and for none of the reasons you listed, she just didn't want kids. I wouldn't call her selfish, she's one of the most selfless people I know.
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Old 03-29-2005, 05:18 PM   #30
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BVS, I am so angry at you I shouldn't even post because I want to call you bad things. I did NOT say EVERYONE was selfish, you idiot, I said only if it was because they didn't because of money and freedom! That's only 2 reasons, not nuns, infertile people, busy people, or people who just don't care one way or the other. And even if it is a 'selfish' reason, I say that's not bad because they had the good sense to realize it and not have kids before they did, because so many people have kids for selfish reasons too! And did you ignore my 'mother labeled selfish' speech? You are so fucking hopeless. You make up your own mind with a sweeping generalization and ignore all my explainations. This is far from the first time or the only topic. I'd appreciate it if you never answered my posts again if you are going to do that.



BTW Shades, thanks.
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