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Old 01-30-2006, 01:11 AM   #16
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No. I blame myself first, and usually only, when things go wrong and so tend towards depression and self-loathing instead. But there is a lot of anger in most depression maybe I do know something about it.

This is perhaps the most obvious of answers, but really, when you're at the stage where "imprisonment" is the metaphor which comes to mind to describe it--I think from personal experience that that may mean it's time to actually get with a psychologist or counselor who specializes in anger, and can guide you (or whoever) in working systematically through the issues and learning some techniques to help you avoid your worst emotional sand traps, which vary from one person to another. Even with added support from medication, if necessary. This may or may not be what the situation you have in mind calls for; but as a warning, it truly is foolish to deny yourself this kind of help when reality is screaming in your face that you need it. (From personal experience...)

On a more self-help-oriented note, one of my brothers has struggled a great deal with anger in his life, and two books he personally has always said he found very helpful were Anger by Thich Nhat Hanh (a Buddhist-influenced perspective, but believe me, my brother is anything but the wide-eyed mystic sort and nonetheless found it most helpful and practical), and The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner which, though written for women, is regularly recommended by many therapists, including my brother's, for their male patients, as much of it really applies just as well to men. (Edited to add: I see carek mentioned the latter one too.)

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Old 01-30-2006, 01:41 AM   #17
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Hmmm. Anger can be a healthy thing if channeled usefully.

Anyway it's no use saying that we must always look to ourselves for blame. Sometimes it really is someone else's fault - otherwise, why be angry in the first place?

This forum often makes me angry. Extremely so. But that's ok, I'm channelling it very well now, since the lobotomy!

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Old 01-30-2006, 07:40 AM   #18
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I have tried to find a positive outlet for it, like exercise and hobbies like photography. God has also helped me deal with anger in some ways. I tend to turn my anger inward and it affects me in unhealthy ways. My anger is mostly at people who have hurt me and since I can't have anything to do with them any longer for that reason, it will most likely never be fully resolved. So I just do my best not to let it destroy me any more than it already has. Maybe I finally started to believe that I was worth more than that. When you feel power over hurt and anger it's amazing how much better you can feel about yourself.
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Old 01-30-2006, 07:55 AM   #19
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i usually try to take out my anger on the basketball court, but that doesn't always work...

the other day the team i coach (high school varsity) was short one person due to an injury so we had an odd number of players, which is never good... so i jumped in and partnered up with someone in many of the drills... which was very welcome 'cause i was in a pissy mood from work. normally when this happens, if one of the coaches has to jump in to make a drill work, you would normally just do enough to get the drill done and push the player you end up matched up against to do better, but not really play to your full ability because, really, what is that proving? but i was pissed on this day, so i purposely matched myself up against a kid on the team who's ego is just a tad too big for his game, and proceeded to abuse him at every opportunity. anger gone, overblown ego knocked down a peg... mission accomplished.

alas... this doesn't always work. being the uber-competitive nut job that i am, sometimes when you're angry and you try to take it out on the court, you end up playing poorly and only getting yourself more pissed. that's when i usually just head down to the beach, break out the iPod and get some nice alone time.

then all ya gotta do is hope that someone doesn't start nagging you the second you walk in the door at home...
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Old 01-30-2006, 10:54 AM   #20
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On a more self-help-oriented note, one of my brothers has struggled a great deal with anger in his life, and two books he personally has always said he found very helpful were Anger by Thich Nhat Hanh (a Buddhist-influenced perspective, but believe me, my brother is anything but the wide-eyed mystic sort and nonetheless found it most helpful and practical), [/B]

am a big fan of Tich Nhat Hanh -- i actually broke open one of his books last night as i'm dealing with some other issues, and i always find him to be a very comforting, intelligent, and peaceful presence.
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Old 02-01-2006, 05:23 PM   #21
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Teen shot by police remembered at memorial service
By Ken Maguire, Associated Press Writer | January 14, 2006

PLYMOUTH, Mass. --Kristina McGrath, fighting tears in front of 300 relatives and friends, said her younger brother would have been "an exceptional father."

"You had your whole life ahead of you," she said Saturday at a service for 16-year-old Anthony McGrath, who was fatally shot by two Plymouth police officers early Tuesday morning after he allegedly drove a car at them. "It was taken in a moment."

McGrath's relatives said police weren't justified in shooting the teen, who was fleeing police after allegedly attempting to break into a liquor store at 3:20 a.m. But police say the officers' lives were in danger and they reacted appropriately.

A clear plastic sheet protected McGrath's coffin from heavy rain as it was carried into Christ Church Parish, an Episcopal church that waived its $700 fee after family members said they couldn't afford proper funeral services.

Relatives and friends held hands, hugged, and some sobbed as the coffin was wheeled to the front of the church, located about a half-mile from the shooting scene. The Rev. Mally Lloyd urged people to resist laying blame.

"We accuse. We justify," she said. "We blame the police. Parents are blamed for poor supervision. We point the finger. If we get stuck ... we can't heal. We are prisoners to our own anger."

Lloyd, alluding to McGrath's previous run-ins with the law, said the teen had left high school but was doing well in a landscaping job after a judge gave him "one last chance."

"We know Tony was not perfect," she said. "He liked to walk that line between right and wrong."

McGrath was recalled as someone with a "big heart" who often helped a handicapped neighbor and brought home stray cats.

After the service, Lloyd said her prayers go out to the two officers and their families. The officers, who were placed on leave pending results of an investigation by the Plymouth District Attorney's office, have not been publicly identified by the department.

"There are two other families in Plymouth who are really suffering," she said. "They can never be the same. I ache for those families. They have to live with this, justified or not."

A Plymouth police spokesman did not return a call Saturday. An officer at the front desk at police headquarters Saturday said the department has no comment. The district attorney's office could not be reached for comment, but a spokeswoman said this week that there's no timeline to complete the investigation.

McGrath's parents, William and Denise, declined to comment at a reception after the service. Denise McGrath this week said her son "got a death sentence ... for no reason at all."

The two officers opened fire after McGrath allegedly drove his car at them following a high-speed chase that started at Richard's Wine and Spirits. The entire episode lasted just five minutes -- from the break-in call to the shooting.

Police Capt. Michael Botieri said in a statement after the incident that McGrath's car struck one cruiser, hit a utility pole "and accelerated toward the officers." He said both officers "fired at the suspect vehicle striking the operator and sole occupant."

One bullet penetrated McGrath's heart and lung, and a second hit his arm, according to the district attorney's office.

Plymouth resident Pedro Duarte, whose daughter knew McGrath, said after the service that the shooting was unjustified.

"If somebody has a gun, I understand that, you do what you have to do," he said. "But he didn't have a weapon. Put him in jail ... or something, but don't kill him. Let him live."
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Old 02-02-2006, 01:39 AM   #22
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>>been a prisoner of your own anger?

>> How do you get out of that prison?

Go to a gym 1 hour everyday...

if you are angry , frustated, tensed or will forget
all those after a workout

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