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Old 12-13-2005, 07:50 PM   #1
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Activist Judge Cancels Christmas

WASHINGTON, DC—In a sudden and unexpected blow to the Americans working to protect the holiday, liberal U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Stephen Reinhardt ruled the private celebration of Christmas unconstitutional Monday.


Per the court order, city workers take down the Christmas tree from New York's Rockefeller Plaza.

"In accordance with my activist agenda to secularize the nation, this court finds Christmas to be unlawful," Judge Reinhardt said. "The celebration of the birth of the philosopher Jesus—be it in the form of gift-giving, the singing of carols, fanciful decorations, or general good cheer and warm feelings amongst families—is in violation of the First Amendment principles upon which this great nation was founded."

In addition to forbidding the celebration of Christmas in any form, Judge Reinhardt has made it illegal to say "Merry Christmas." Instead, he has ruled that Americans must say "Happy Holidays" or "Vacaciones Felices" if they wish to extend good tidings.

Within an hour of the judge's verdict, National Guard troops were mobilized to enforce the controversial ruling.

"Sorry, kids, no Christmas this year," Beloit, WI mall Santa Gene Ernot said as he was led away from his Santa's Village in leg irons. "Write to your congressman to put a stop to these liberal activist judges. It's up to you to save Christmas! Ho ho ho!"

Said Pvt. Stanley Cope, who tasered Ernot for his outburst: "We're fighting an unpopular war on Christmas, but what can we do? The military has no choice but to take orders from a lone activist judge."

Across America, the decision of the all-powerful liberal courts was met with shock and disappointment, as American families quietly took down their holiday decorations and canceled their plans to gather and make merry.

"They've been chipping away at Christmas rights for decades," Fox News personality John Gibson said. "Even before this ruling, you couldn't hear a Christmas song on the radio or in a department store. I hate to say it, America, but I told you so."

Judge Stephen Reinhardt of the U.S. 9th Circuit of Appeals issues his ruling.

Gibson then went into hiding, vowing to be a vital part of the Christmas resistance that would eventually triumph and bring Christmas back to the United States and its retail stores.

The ban is not limited to the retail sector. In support of Reinhardt's ruling, Sen. Ted Kennedy, a Jew, introduced legislation that would mandate the registration of every Christian in the United States and subject their houses to random searches to ensure they are not celebrating Christmas.

"Getting rid of every wreath or nativity scene is not enough," Kennedy said. "In order to ensure that Americans of every belief feel comfortable in any home or business, we must eliminate all traces of this offensive holiday. My yellow belly quakes with fear at the thought of offending any foreigners, atheists, or child molesters."

America's children are bearing the brunt of Reinhardt's marginal, activist rulings.

"Why did the bad man take away Christmas?" 5-year-old Danny Dover said. "I made a card for my mommy out of paper and glue, and now I can't give it to her."

Shortly after Dover issued his statement, police kicked down his door, removed his holiday tree, confiscated his presents, and crushed his homemade card underfoot.

A broad, bipartisan coalition of lawmakers has been working closely with the White House, banding together in the hope of somehow overruling the decision. So far, however, their efforts have been fruitless.

"Our hearts go out to the Americans this ruling affects," Sen. Chip Pickering (R-MS) said. "If it's any condolence, I wish you all a Happy Holidays, which, I'm afraid, is all I'm legally allowed to say at this time."
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Old 12-13-2005, 07:53 PM   #2
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Old 12-13-2005, 07:58 PM   #3
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LOL!

Benjamin Franklin often best disarmed the hysteria of his opponents by humor, and I must say that this should hopefully point out how ridiculous this "War on Christmas" nonsense really is.

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Old 12-13-2005, 07:58 PM   #4
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lol this has to be a joke...right?
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Old 12-13-2005, 07:58 PM   #5
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Old 12-13-2005, 08:00 PM   #6
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DAMN YOU, EXTREME LIBERALS! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!
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Old 12-13-2005, 08:04 PM   #7
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Well it is about time.!!

I can stop going around pulling Merry Christmas signs from public buildings in the middle of the night.







i am sure this is a fake post

but some "war on xmas" types will buy it.


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Old 12-13-2005, 08:06 PM   #8
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Saint Valentine's Day

Saint Patrick's Day

Easter

Halloween

Thanksgiving Day

Christmas

*i m issed a few i guess*


A universal God who has given and allowed us all of these holidays!


I"m happy! (and thankful)

*a hot cup of cider to ye all*
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Old 12-13-2005, 08:07 PM   #9
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Baby "Jesus"
is agitated and crying

and his virgin Mother is
snapping a rubber-band on his little leg
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Old 12-13-2005, 08:16 PM   #10
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more good news


the same thoughtful judge has also ruled that where federal highways meet

the parallel lines demarcating pedestrian right-of-ways shall be called "Crystal walks"
non-Christians should be required to trust Cross walks for their safety.
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Old 12-13-2005, 08:19 PM   #11
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haha, that's cute.
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Old 12-13-2005, 08:27 PM   #12
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Old 12-14-2005, 01:17 AM   #13
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the extreme liberals will never quit until they've removed every trace of tradition from our pure motherland!
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Old 12-14-2005, 01:25 AM   #14
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the baby jesus cries when you cancel christmas.
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