Announcer: The following is a message from the Speaker-Elect of the U.S. House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi.
Rep. Nancy Pelosi: Good evening. I'm Nancy Pelosi. For the past nineteen years, I've been a member of Congress in the eighth District of California, proudly representing the citizens of San Francisco. AS of this January, hwever, I will, in a sense, represent all Americans, when I am sworn in as speaker of the House.
[ the audience cheers ]
Despite the efforts of this administration to frighten Americans about the Democratic Party, and its alleged [ makes quotes signs with her finger ] "San Francisco values", last Tuesday you went to the polls in record numbers, and you sent this White house a message: that "stay the course in Iraq" is not a plan; that our health care system should serve ordinary citizens, not pharmaceutical companies; that so-called rough sex can be a necessary and fulfilling adjunct to a better sex life - partiularly when it involves fantasy role-play scenarios, such as kidnapping or forced interrogation, provided, of course, that both participants are willing and disease-free, and have agreed on what we call a "safe word" - for example: "Palomino"; that an increase in minimum wage is long overdue; and, finally, that U.S. citizens do not surrender their Constitutional rights, the moment they engage in multiple partner or group sex, provided, once again, that all participants are willing, at least twelve years of age, and no peanuts, or peanut products, are used.
We Americans have always been a religious people, a member of my staff tells me. And whatever you may have heard, the Democratic Party is not anti-religion. Whether you're a Wiccan priestess, a Druid, tantric Buddhist, Servant of Moloch, Lord of Fire, Presbyterian, or a member of the Cult of Collie - your faith will be respected, so long as no animals are harmed during your ceremonies - except, of course, gerbils.
And when the new Democratic majority Congress convenes in January, it will truly be a Congress as diverse as the nation it serves. [ show photo of each individual as she names them ] Chairing the Judiciary Committee: John Conyers; at Ways and Means: Charles Rangel; at Homeland Secueity: Benny Thompson; at Government Reform: Ernesto Guevara, Jr.; and Agriculture: this naked hippie.. and his old lady; and Small Business: yet another black dude; and Finance: the drummer from Rage Against the Machine; and, at Intelligence: al-Qaeda number-two man, Ayman al-Zawahiri. Truly, a Congress that looks like America.
[ Nancy nervously looks offscreen, as a leather-clad S&M enthusiast enters ]
Wish that I saw that.
