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Old 12-31-2005, 09:02 AM   #31
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14) "I'm telling you, folks, there's a part of me that likes this." --Talk radio host Rush Limbaugh, on the kidnapping of peace activists in Iraq
wow, why is this idiot still on the air?

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Old 12-31-2005, 12:40 PM   #32
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Originally posted by MrsSpringsteen
I can't stand Bill Maher either, I think he's a pompous ass-one I can remember that he said this year was that "men just want women to shut up". I don't know though, sometimes I start to believe that. I'd like him to shut up..

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Old 12-31-2005, 07:03 PM   #33
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Maher is a fool. Sounds like he was just out to annoy.
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Old 01-01-2006, 08:57 AM   #34
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25 Funniest Quotes Of 05 from about.com

25) "No Froot Loops!" --Saddam Hussein, getting upset at his guards when offered a substitute for his breakfast cereal of choice, Raisin Bran Crunch

24) "I sometimes feel that Alfred E. Newman is in charge in Washington. " --Sen. Hillary Clinton, describing President Bush's attitude toward tough issues with Newman's catchphrase "What, me worry?"

23) "Sen. Hillary Clinton called for President Bush to begin pulling troops out of Iraq next year. And let me tell you something, when it comes to telling a president when to pull out, no one has more experience than Hillary Clinton." --Jay Leno

22) "President Bush is going on his annual vacation.
The White House says he goes to his Texas Ranch to unwind. I'm thinking, when does he wind?" --David Letterman

21) "I had no idea that if you wanted a show canceled, all you had to do was say it out loud." --Jon Stewart, on CNN's decision to cancel of "Crossfire," three months after his brutal exchange with host Tucker Carlson

20) "George Bush doesn't care about black people." –rapper Kanye West, going off-script during a Hurricane Katrina relief broadcast

19) "George Bush hates midgets." --Comedian Chris Rock, during a subsequent Hurricane Katrina telethon

18) "Ted is understandably bitter having lost his ratings, his network and now his mind -- we wish him well." --A Fox spokesperson, after CNN founder Ted Turner criticized the Fox network as a "propaganda voice" of the Bush administration and compared Fox News Channel's popularity to Adolf Hitler's rise to power in Germany before World War II

17) "I had one guy one night, he introduced me at a speech, and over and over again he said every Viagra joke he could think of. So, I got up and said I really appreciate it and I bought you a year supply -- here's one tablet." --Former Sen. Bob Dole, on being a pitchman for Viagra

16) "Usually the way it works is people prostitute themselves after they become reporters." --Gay male prostitute-turned White House correspondent Jeff Gannon

15) "You know if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after Bin Laden." --Jon Stewart

14) "Taking a page from their tsunami playbook, the White House announced today that former presidents Bush and Bill Clinton will head up the fundraising efforts for the hurricane relief. And you know, Bill Clinton is no stranger to this kind of thing. He was once visiting the French Quarter during a hurricane and got blown behind a dumpster." --Bill Maher

13) "Michael Brown, the director of FEMA, was nominated by President Bush in 2003 and plans to start the job any day now. ... Prior to heading FEMA, Brown spent the 90's as a commissioner -- this is true -- of the International Arabian Horse Association. I guess he stands out because most Bush appointees are beholden to Arabian people." --Jon Stewart

12) "This past weekend, the Democratic National Committee made it official -- electing former governor and one-time shoe-in Howard Dean as their new party chairman. As a doctor they're hoping he can reattach the ass handed to the Democrats in the past election. ... You know, there's something stirring about the peaceful transfer of no power." --Jon Stewart

11) "He's like the Peanuts character Pigpen. Wherever he goes, he stirs up such a humongous mess, it can only be cleaned up by Halliburton." –Bill Maher, on President Bush

9) "We have to fix it or Rumsfeld may never retire." --President Bush, on Social Security, at the 2005 Gridiron Dinner

8) "Mrs. Bush ... has taken to calling me 'son'... this just shows you the lengths at which the Bushes would go to get another president in the family. And I wish I could get them to adopt Hillary." --Former President Bill Clinton, in an interview with David Letterman

7) "When he woke up he was surrounded by loved ones" -- his wife, his daughter and
my dad." --President Bush, on former President Clinton's recuperation from surgery

6) "I've always felt it's better to be sworn in that to be sworn at." --Sen. Patrick Leahy, after Vice President Dick Cheney swore him in to a new Senate term (last year Cheney told Leahy to "go fuck yourself" during a heated exchange on the Senate floor)

5) "Go fuck yourself, Mr. Cheney! Go fuck yourself." --a heckler to Vice President Dick Cheney while he toured damage from Hurricane Katrina in Gulfport, Mississippi

) "I'm especially looking forward to meeting Karl Rove... Smart men like him are so sexy. I know that he's against gay marriage, but I think I can convince him that a little girl-on-girl action now and then isn't so bad!" --Porn star/former California gubernatorial candidate Mary Carey, on being invited to dine with President Bush

3) "I was told that they had people ready to tackle me if I tried to get close to [President Bush] ... Republicans can party almost as much as porn stars … I was getting propositions to have threesomes with wives or mistresses, I was offered money from oil tycoons … I am a fully converted Republican now." --Porn star Mary Carey, on attending a Republican fundraiser hosted by President Bush

2) "You've performed so poor, I'm surprised you haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an entire metropolis to rising water and snakes. On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon, and the city of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you don't love this country, I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side. So yes, God does speak to you, and what he's saying is, 'Take a hint.'" –Bill Maher, on President Bus

1) "George always says that he's delighted to come to these press dinners. Baloney. He's usually in bed by now. I'm not kidding. I said to him the other day, George, if you really want to end tyranny in the world, you're going to have to stay up later. I am married to the President of the United States and here is our typical evening. Nine o'clock, Mr. Excitement here is sound asleep, and I am watching Desperate Housewives. With Lynne Cheney. Ladies and gentleman, I am a desperate housewife." --First Lady Laura Bush at the 2005 White House Correspondents' Dinner
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Old 01-01-2006, 09:00 AM   #35
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I loved this..

First Lady Laura Bush

Ladies and gentlemen, I've been attending these dinners for years and just quietly sitting there. Well, I've got a few things I want to say for a change.

This is going to be fun because he really doesn't have a clue about what I'm gonna' to say next.

George always says he's delighted to come to these press dinners. Baloney. He's usually in bed by now.

I'm not kidding.

I said to him the other day, "George, if you really want to end tyranny in the world, you're going to have to stay up later."

I am married to the president of the United States, and here's our typical evening: Nine o'clock, Mr. Excitement here is sound asleep, and I'm watching Desperate Housewives— with Lynne Cheney. Ladies and gentlemen, I am a desperate housewife. I mean, if those women on that show think they're desperate, they oughta be with George.

One night, after George went to bed, Lynne Cheney, Condi Rice, Karen Hughes and I went to Chippendale's. I wouldn't even mention it except Ruth Ginsberg and Sandra Day O'Connor saw us there. I won't tell you what happened, but Lynne's Secret Service codename is now "Dollar Bill."

But George and I are complete opposites — I'm quiet, he's talkative, I'm introverted, he's extroverted, I can pronounce nuclear —

The amazing thing, however, is that George and I were just meant to be. I was the librarian who speant 12 hours a day in the library, yet somehow I met George.

We met, and married, and I became one of the regulars up at Kennebunkport. All the Bushes love Kennebunkport, which is like Crawford, but without the nightlife. People ask me what it's like to be up there with the whole Bush clan. Lemme put it this way: First prize — three-day vacation with the Bush family. Second prize — 10 days.

Speaking of prizes brings me to my mother-in-law. So many mothers today are just not involved in their children's lives — Not a problem with Barbara Bush. People often wonder what my mother-in-law's really like. People think she's a sweet, grandmotherly, Aunt Bea type. She's actually more like, mmm, Don Corleone.

Cedric, am I doing all right?

I saw my in-laws down at the ranch over Easter. We like it down there. George didn't know much about ranches when we bought the place. Andover and Yale don't have a real strong ranching program. But I'm proud of George. He's learned a lot about ranching since that first year when he tried to milk the horse. What's worse, it was a male horse.

Now, of course, he spends his days clearing brush, cutting trails, taking down trees, or, as the girls call it, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. George's answer to any problem at the ranch is to cut it down with a chainsaw — which I think is why he and Cheney and Rumsfeld get along so well.

It's always very interesting to see how the ranch air invigorates people when they come down from Washington. Recently, when Vice President Cheney was down, he got up early one morning, he put on his hiking boots, and he went on a brisk, 20- to 30-foot walk.
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Old 01-01-2006, 09:42 AM   #36
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Laura's routine was a hoot!
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Old 01-01-2006, 01:08 PM   #37
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Forgot how much I enjoyed that.
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Old 01-10-2006, 03:46 AM   #38
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Wow. Until today, I had never heard of Bill O'Reilly, and yet he already comes across as a bit of a moron.

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