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Old 06-22-2007, 02:00 PM   #16
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This whole thing is so wrong. This coach obviously is taking advantage of a young, naive girl who is clueless about life and love. And the parents weren't doing their job when they signed those papers. I know if some older man were making a move on me back when I was a teenager, my dad would've personally stretched his neck!
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Old 06-22-2007, 02:06 PM   #17
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can their mothers sign some sort of permission slip and let them get married?







(sorry, sorry, just making an ironic point is all)
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Old 06-22-2007, 02:09 PM   #18
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Verte makes a good point here though. While of course there's a good chance the coach is a dirty old man angling to deflower a young impressionable girl (and that they were dating when she was 14 lends credence to that), none of us can say 100% that he is. Only the 2 of them know.

And it seems like a cop-out to me for Mom to give consent on one hand while crying the blues about it. If you're so certain she's flushing her life down the toilet then how about being a parent and saying no? That's like the 15 year old kid who's parents let him throw keggers & co-ed sleepovers at the lake house because "they're doing it anyway, at least it's under my roof".

And re: age of consent, I'm guessing it's 18...if it was 16 as it is in some states they wouldn't need permission, correct?
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Old 06-22-2007, 02:13 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally posted by CTU2fan
Verte makes a good point here though. While of course there's a good chance the coach is a dirty old man angling to deflower a young impressionable girl (and that they were dating when she was 14 lends credence to that), none of us can say 100% that he is. Only the 2 of them know.

And it seems like a cop-out to me for Mom to give consent on one hand while crying the blues about it. If you're so certain she's flushing her life down the toilet then how about being a parent and saying no? That's like the 15 year old kid who's parents let him throw keggers & co-ed sleepovers at the lake house because "they're doing it anyway, at least it's under my roof".

And re: age of consent, I'm guessing it's 18...if it was 16 as it is in some states they wouldn't need permission, correct?
But how stupid do you have to be to realize that at 16, she's not even fully developed? Clearly, there is still time for her interests and personality and character to change. There's a reason why we don't marry that young, and that's what it is. A 16 year old isn't old enough for many reasons.

And I should know well enough, being that age.
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Old 06-22-2007, 02:56 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally posted by CTU2fan
Verte makes a good point here though. While of course there's a good chance the coach is a dirty old man angling to deflower a young impressionable girl (and that they were dating when she was 14 lends credence to that), none of us can say 100% that he is. Only the 2 of them know.
But does she really know? Can she really know? She's been involved with this guy since she was 14. What did any of us know about romantic love and how to make a relationship work between 14-16?

A teacher in my area was convicted of sexually assaulting (ie carrying on "consensual" sexual/romantic relationships) 2 former students (girls) recently. He was also a coach. He was sentenced to 32 years in prison. The girls came forward only after they had graduated and the relationship had ended.
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Old 06-22-2007, 03:03 PM   #21
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Look I realize I put myself in a position of possibly defending a perv...

I don't think she can know, because she is 16. But if we're going to base it on maturity, I've known plenty of people who were 18, 20, whatever who had no clue re: relationships, and would have no business getting married.

All I'm saying is it's wrong for any of us to assume the worst of the guy (or the girl for that matter). Yeah he's marrying a 16 year old girl, I never would (what the hell would we talk about?)...but that doesn't automatically make him a hairy-palmed deviant either. Yeah he might indeed be one, but he might not.
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Old 06-22-2007, 03:17 PM   #22
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In addition to the bad parenting...

You have to be one immature and idiotic 40 year old to believe this marriage would work when she was 14 when the relationship started. Maybe he is that naive or immature, but likely (given that a relationship between a 38 year old and 14 year old is already abusive) he is taking advantage of the potential for unlimitted access to her and control of her if they are married. Sick.
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Old 06-22-2007, 03:27 PM   #23
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I'm carrying this over from my "School bans all forms of touching—including high-fives" thread as I think it's important to address it in the context of this story:

Quote:
Originally posted by intedomine
What a load of crap, to be touched by a human being can be one of the most conforting things for an individual.

It's like the uproar over teachers sleeping with students. If the student is above the legal age, there's nothing wrong with it. Let it happen, it's putting smiles on faces.
I'm curious to know what you think about the story in this thread intedomine.

While I have issues with the huge age discrepancy in this case, I find it repugnant for anyone in a position of authority to take advantage of kids this way—whether they are above the legal age of consent or not.
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Old 06-22-2007, 03:41 PM   #24
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Wow...

I understand that kids mature differently. However, 16 years old is really early to be able to judge what true love really is.

I had a boss when I taught gymnastics who was 30 years old. He started coaching this girl when he was 20 and when she was 8 and continues to this day...

When she turned 16, they started hanging out a lot at his house, going to church together and whatnot. Once 18 came around, sure enough...they made it official saying they were dating. He even told me he probably would marry her and again...a couple months later they are engaged.

What is so sad about my boss is he has molded her into what he wanted her to be. You can tell so obviously that she is just a product of what he wanted as a person and she has no personallity of her own. Just what he wanted her to be.

I see similar things in this story. Age isn't a big deal to me...but young KIDS like Windy miss out on some serious development in my eyes.
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Old 06-22-2007, 03:45 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally posted by CTU2fan


All I'm saying is it's wrong for any of us to assume the worst of the guy (or the girl for that matter). Yeah he's marrying a 16 year old girl, I never would (what the hell would we talk about?)...but that doesn't automatically make him a hairy-palmed deviant either. Yeah he might indeed be one, but he might not.

How can you not assume the worst? She was 14 when it started. It doesn't matter what either one of them felt or whether it was real love or not.

It never should have progressed to the point of falling in love. The adult authority figure never should have let this get beyond a student-teacher relationship. Students have crushes on teachers and coaches all the time and the adult has to have enough self restraint to make sure it doesn't turn into something more.

I sent my kids to school for an education, not to get busy with their teachers.
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Old 06-22-2007, 03:47 PM   #26
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That's very true. I'm not even sure if it's intentional (on the part of the older person). If you legitimately date somebody who's younger/inexperienced they're bound to end up that way. I saw a lot of it in high school...girls would just become extensions of the guys they dated, because they hadn't been exposed enough to be their own person. I think it's going to happen to anybody who gets serious/marries young...they just miss out on things.
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Old 06-22-2007, 04:01 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally posted by Bono's American Wife

She was 14 when it started.


so was Loretta Lynn.

and Jerry Lee Lewis's cousin.



and i agree with you.

marriage is hardly a static, unchanging institution.
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Old 06-22-2007, 04:04 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally posted by Bono's American Wife



How can you not assume the worst? She was 14 when it started. It doesn't matter what either one of them felt or whether it was real love or not.

It never should have progressed to the point of falling in love. The adult authority figure never should have let this get beyond a student-teacher relationship. Students have crushes on teachers and coaches all the time and the adult has to have enough self restraint to make sure it doesn't turn into something more.

I sent my kids to school for an education, not to get busy with their teachers.
But what if it did?

I understand the guy is probably a dirtbag, but it's also possible that he's not.
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Old 06-22-2007, 04:51 PM   #29
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Hmm, reminds me of being back in Africa. Plenty of 14, 15, 16 year olds getting married to guys of all ages, even older than 40. Then again, culturally they are considered "women" at that age and ready to step into the role of wife and mother. I wonder how much age is a number and not necessarily an indication of maturity. That said, within the context of US culture and given the process we have in place (eg. grade school, high school, college as steps toward adulthood) not to mention my own experience of the total immaturity of many so-called "adults", this situation does strike me as a bit icky.
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Old 06-22-2007, 05:04 PM   #30
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Some reason they coudn't wait?

To answer my own question, it was probably because they knew they couldn't pursue their relationship without the protection of marriage because if they weren't married you'd be looking at statutory rape etc.

(It's not clear that they had a sexual relationship yet from the article. In either case being able to pursue such a relationship was probably a big motivator for gettting married).

I don't have an issue with the age difference (my inlaws are 22 years apart). The red flag for me is the age of the girl. If this coach had even a shred of responsiblity and really "loved" this girl, he would have inisted on waiting until she was at least 18 (if not a little older) before allowing the relationship to continue.

He dropped the ball.

Her parents dropped the ball.

And I think it's unfair to expect a 16 year old girl to carry the ball all by herself. So, of course she dropped it too.
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