Dad just forwarded me some great jokes...
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Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
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What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
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What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
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Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and
refrigerator.
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Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mom.
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How do you know when you're really ugly?
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
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Mom's have Mother's day, Dad's have Fathers day, what do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
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What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
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What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
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What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
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What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp.
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What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage, along with a recipe.
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What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit!"
~~~~
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
~~~~
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
~~~~
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
~~~~
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and
refrigerator.
~~~~
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mom.
~~~~
How do you know when you're really ugly?
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
~~~~
Mom's have Mother's day, Dad's have Fathers day, what do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
~~~~
What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
~~~~
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
~~~~
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
~~~~
What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp.
~~~~
What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage, along with a recipe.
~~~~
What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit!"
