it's official#you guys decide...

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beegee

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...am i guilty or should i be pissed?

i met a guy online about three months ago. he was crazy about me. he wrote three, maybe four letters to me everyday. we spent a countless amount of hours on messenger. we talked on the phone. he sent me chocolates for valentine's. we had planned to meet this summer...we dreamed about it everyday. i really cared about him.

the problem is this...he dumped me a few days ago. gave me that horrible friends talk we all dread. said he didn't love me anymore. the reason for his change of heart was this...i went to the vegas gathering last week. my car broke down about four days before the show and my best friend could not come with me. i really, really wanted to go to this gathering, so i *gasp* went with my ex boyfriend, who i am still friends with.

but, i was told that because of this, i can no longer be trusted and our relationship as we once knew it is over...so i'm asking you, my dear friends of IO...am i guilty or should i be pissed?

oh yeah, and for those of you who suspect who this "he" is...you're right. :sigh:
 
:| If you didnt do anything with your ex-boyfriend I dont think he should be pissed. Personally, I'm not really friends with any of my ex boyfriends.. but if I see them its like hey whats up.. no big deal. In a way I can understand his concern.. but just the fact that he is SO far away, I dont think he has any right to tell you what you can or cant do, and dump you for that reason.

You deserve better, and you'll find it. :hug:
 
Now that you mentioned it, yes I was thinking who this might be...anyway, I think that if he was an EX boyfriend and you're just friends, I see nothing wrong in going to the concert with him.
 
I would be pissed. However, if he is going to get that jealous over something that he shouldn't be jealous about if he trusted you, the relationship wouldn't have worked.

I have some close friends who are guys. John trusts me though, and he has no problem with me hanging out with them. There actually was a time when my emotions got messed up, and I kissed one of those guys. I felt really guilty, so I told John. He forgave me and understood it was a mistake I'd made. He was hurt, but he didn't let one incident shatter all of his trust in me, which I am still thankful for.

Relationships die without trust. True, my mistake is something that works towards destroying trust...but it doesn't sound like you made any mistakes that should lead him to doubt you.
 
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:huh: I can't answer this question for you. While on one hand you didn't do anything wrong if you and your ex are just friends... yet on the other hand... I can see his concern.

:shrug: Long distance is hard. Fight for it if you really feel it's worth it, otherwise... try and salvage what you did have, and be friends. Online romances can be really intense, and when they end, the heartache can almost be more painful.

:hug: I hope you guys work it out.
 
Angel said:
Online romances can be really intense, and when they end, the heartache can almost be more painful.

Very true.

Before I hooked up with John, I had been in an online romance with another guy from that chatroom. We had been together for about 3 months, and he dumped me because of a dream he had. :shrug: After that, I told myself that online relationships were stupid and a waste of time...nothing ever came of them.

Then...along came John...and he wanted to get involved in an online romance with me. I thought, dammit, I don't want another stupid relationship that will end in 2 weeks. But...I didn't want to embarrass him in front of the other chatters by rejecting him, so I figured I'd humor the boy for a couple weeks or whatever. On June 21st, that will have been 6 years ago.

Little did I know, eh? :laugh:

You will find somebody, sweetie...somehow, somewhere. :hug:
 
thanks, guys :hug:

i feel so shitty about this. anyone who was in vegas that weekend could clearly see that we were there as just friends. :shrug:
 
I am not trying to judge... but, isn't it a little disrespectful of us to be talking about this on an open forum where we are all fully aware of who the second party is? Just seems unfair... I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings...

There are always two sides to every story, and he is not here to defend himself. :shrug:
 
Angel said:
I am not trying to judge... but, isn't it a little disrespectful of us to be talking about this on an open forum where we are all fully aware of who the second party is? Just seems unfair... I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings...

There are always two sides to every story, and he is not here to defend himself. :shrug:

i agree with you completely and he is more than welcome to jump in anytime. i said nothing cruel or offensive about him...my god...i still love him, i stated the facts from my point of view.

and there have been plenty of times when he himself has brought our relationship out into this public forum...do i need to bump up a few threads?

it was not my intention to hurt him by posting about this. and he knows it.
 
:hug: bg84

I agree with what everyone has said. And like Bonochick said, if he didn't trust you with that, then the relationship probably wouldn't have worked. I'm not quite sure how to phrase this, but I hope that you will still have good, happy memories about the trip to Vegas and think of all the new friends you met! :) I hope you understand what I'm trying to say :shrug: :hug:
 
bonosgirl84 said:
anyone who was in vegas that weekend could clearly see that we were there as just friends. :shrug:

Actually, I wasnt quite sure at first, which is why I asked you. (If you remember.. ;) :drunk: ) I mean.. you guys didnt really look like you were a couple, you werent like hugging and kissing or anything, but no can see what goes on behind closed doors.

Trust is a big thing. If you told him you are just friends, he should trust you. If he doesnt, well... time for a new boyfriend.
 
bonosgirl84 said:
i agree with you completely and he is more than welcome to jump in anytime. i said nothing cruel or offensive about him...my god...i still love him, i stated the facts from my point of view.
You haven't said anything wrong... :hug: I really hope you guys can work this out.
 
bg84 you know how much i adore you:heart:

i would be absolutely pissed beyond belief. i saw you and your friend in vegas. it was friendship that i saw. i know how much you love this guy who dumped you online. you only worship the man you love...

i know how much you are hurting. if said man can't trust you, you deserve a hell of alot better than that.

and this thread is done in good taste. you said nothing wrong:up:
 
:heart: thanks, icelle :heart:

what took you so long to get here, were you driving? :lol:

i'm kidding...

thank you for your friendship and all of the honest advice you've ever given me.
 
bg you know you can count on me for anything:heart:



sorry it took me so long, i fell asleep for an hour. my journal has my dream that i had:sigh:
 
I really can't offer anything else, except for put yourself in his shoes....and how would you honestly feel if it were him going out drinking with an old girlfriend. Of course you may not have the exact same reaction, but you may have some of the same feelings of jealousy. It's a natural emotional, however, it's erratic, and illogical...give it a bit of time maybe something can be salvaged. If not, things happen for a reason, that's all I can say.
 
daisybean, you are right. there's not much more that can be said. but to answer your question...he still talks to his ex as well. i was fine with that. i thought our relationship was strong enough that it didn't matter who our friends were, even if they were old loves.

anyway...i just miss him so much.

i was wrong, totally wrong. i should have just rented a goddamned car and went alone.
 
Dont beat yourself up about it girl. :hug: I'm sure you just didnt want to go alone.. and wanted a friend there with you. He seemed to like U2 also.. those kind of friends are hard to come by.

In all honesty though.. do you really think it could work out?
I mean, he lives on another continent and all :huh:
 
Sicy said:


In all honesty though.. do you really think it could work out?
I mean, he lives on another continent and all :huh:

i believed with all of my heart that we would be together someday. not right away, there were things which prevented us from just uprooting our lives, but yes...i absolutely believed that we could make it work. in a few years, i would have even considered moving.
 
bonosgirl84 said:
yes...i absolutely believed that we could make it work. in a few years, i would have even considered moving.
:( Then don't give up!!!!!!!!!! :scream:

:angry: jealousy :angry:
 
I'd be pissed off too, even though I can see why he would be upset. As others have said, trust is a big part of any relationship, and if he would get this upset over you simply spending time with an ex without anything going on, then that's definitely a sign of trouble.

Although, I once trusted a girl I was seeing to spend some time with her ex to resolve some issues, and it turns out they spent their time as quite more than just friends. :slant: Not that I'm saying that's what you did, but maybe he's been burned before and he didn't want something like that to happen again? Hopefully it was just a hasty decision on his part based on past experience, and hopefully he can see that you weren't trying to hurt him and that you're too special to be let go over something this trivial.

I hope you guys can work this out...but it's going to take time either way.
 
ok, i'll come out with my own lil' official confession which some of you may already know, i just don't remember if i posted this already or not:

i had an online relationship with a guy who came into interference chat awhile back. he chased me thru emails, told me things i swooned over, we chatted on icq for quite some time. we couldnt get enough of each other.

then he disappeared for a few weeks. i was wrecked with worry, thinking he was dead, shit like that. i was worried sick

two weeks later he comes back online, and im just pretending things are cool, picking up where things left off. he was so cold and distant...it broke me in half. he continued to chat with me, i felt used. but when you love someone so much, you do anything to win his/her affection, and love.

he asked me to marry him the first month we were seeing each other online, and he was pretty blunt with his reason. he wanted to become a citizen of the u.s. i told him no after a year. he was desperate when i told him no...offered me $3000.00. that broke my heart into smaller pieces. i gave him a piece of my mind after that.

he ended up coming to the u.s. right before 9/11 happened, and he was in florida when there were warrants for anyone who came into the u.s. during that time. talk about shitty timing...

he's in turkey right now serving in his military. i believe he's part of the troops that keeps the refugees from overflowing into their country. even tho he treated me pretty bad during that last few months, i can't help but think of him still. he knows how i feel, and he respects that. we are still friends. i dont have those feelings like i did before, but he affected me deeply. online relationships are intense, wonderful, and awful at the same time. i'll never do it again.
 
:scream: i hate when 'cell is hurting :scream:

a million hugs and a million prayers for your friend...may god keep him safe.

i have so much more to say on the subject of online relationships, but right now my mind is just reeling, and my emotions are crazy :huh: maybe later...
 
bg:heart:

im not hurting at all...just the memories have this way of coming back once in a while...y'know?

lets drink some smirnoffs...
 
icelle said:
lets drink some smirnoffs...

I'll be drinking Smirnoff (or something) soon...if Matt would get his ass here. :mad:

He probably had to go home for 2 hours after work to make himself pretty. :der:

:mad:

*has little patience tonight*

I shall drink one for each of you...or something for each of you, at least.
 
damn. i can't start drinking smirnoffs until nine or so :mad:

i wanna party with BC and icelle :scream: and matt, too :wave:

here's hopin' you will all still be drinking when i get back...
 
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