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Old 06-05-2006, 05:40 AM   #1
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It's Official <#> Once upon a time..

..a narrow lane lay pensive under the persistent stare of the withered trees that hung above it's pensiveness. Their forgotton leaves lay upon the surface still nursing their seasonal hangover. In the distance a tiny church sat dormant amongst the cliche country surroundings.

Bartholomew was a mouse, which is quite convenient should you wish to remain anonymous in this world and avoid copyright issues. He was bereft in stature but gifted in mind and would spend his days reading scriptures and slating cheese for being overly commercial. He would take up many housekeeping duties of which he was not paid because the vicar was unaware of his generous tendencies. When he wasn't dusting or polishing his wood he would dream of what lay beyond the wood worm laden church doors. Little did he know that he would soon find out...oh, would he fin

*scrapped due to lack of funds*
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Old 06-05-2006, 06:09 AM   #2
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Old 06-09-2006, 08:20 AM   #3
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The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright--
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.

The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done--
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun!"

The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead--
There were no birds to fly.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
"If this were only cleared away,"
They said, "it would be grand!"

"If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year.
Do you suppose," the Walrus said,
"That they could get it clear?"
"I doubt it," said the Carpenter,
And shed a bitter tear.

"O Oysters, come and walk with us!"
The Walrus did beseech.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each."

The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head--
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.

But four young Oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat--
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.

Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more--
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.


The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.

"A loaf of bread," the Walrus said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed--
Now if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed."

"But not on us!" the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
"After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!"
"The night is fine," the Walrus said.
"Do you admire the view?

"It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not quite so deaf--
I've had to ask you twice!"

"It seems a shame," the Walrus said,
"To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"The butter's spread too thick!"

"I weep for you," the Walrus said:
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.

"O Oysters," said the Carpenter,
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none--
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.


Discuss...
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Old 06-09-2006, 10:24 PM   #4
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Walrus and the Carpenter

"...The time has come
the walrus said
to talk of other things
of shoes and ships and cieling wax
of cabbages and kings..."

Only my favorite quote ever
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Old 06-10-2006, 03:32 AM   #5
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Old 06-10-2006, 12:38 PM   #6
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I'm more Abbott and Costello......





LOU: I love baseball. When we get to St. Louis, will you tell me the guys' names on the team
so when I go to see them in that St. Louis ballpark I'll be able to know those fellows?

BUD: All right. But you know, strange as it may seem, they give ball players nowadays
very peculiar names.

LOU: Funny names?

BUD: Nicknames, pet names. Now, on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first,
What's on second, I Don't Know is on third---

LOU: That's what I want to find out; I want you to tell me the names of the fellows
on the St. Louis team.

BUD: I'm telling you: Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third.

LOU: You know the fellows' names?

BUD: Yes.

LOU: Well, then, who's playin' first?

BUD: Yes.

LOU: I mean the fellow's name on first base.

BUD: Who.

LOU: The fellow playin' first base for St. Louis.

BUD: Who.

LOU: The guy on first base.

BUD: Who is on first.

LOU: Well what are you askin' me for?

BUD: I'm not asking you---I'm telling you: Who is on first.

LOU: I'm asking you---who's on first?

BUD: That's the man's name!

LOU: That's who's name?

BUD: Yes.

LOU: Well go ahead and tell me.

BUD: Who.

LOU: The guy on first.

BUD: Who.

LOU: The first baseman!

BUD: Who is on first!

LOU: Have you got a first baseman on first?

BUD: Certainly!

LOU: Then who's playing first?

BUD: Absolutely!

LOU: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?

BUD: Every dollar of it! And why not, the man's entitled to it.

LOU: Who is?

BUD: Yes.

LOU: So who gets it?

BUD: Why shouldn't he? Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

LOU: Who's wife?

BUD: Yes. After all, the man earns it.

LOU: Who does?

BUD: Absolutely.

LOU: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guys name on first base.

BUD: Oh, no, no, What is on second base.

LOU: I'm not asking you who's on second.

BUD: Who's on first.

LOU: That's what I'm trying to find out!

BUD: Well, don't change the players around.

LOU: I'm not changing nobody!

BUD: Now, take it easy.

LOU: What's the guy's name on first base?

BUD: What's the guy's name on second base.

LOU: I'm not askin' ya who's on second.

BUD: Who's on first.

LOU: I don't know.

BUD: He's on third. We're not talking about him.

LOU: How did I get on third base?

BUD: You mentioned his name.

LOU: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?

BUD: No, Who's playing first.

LOU: Stay offa first, will ya?!

BUD: Well, what do you want me to do?

LOU: Now what's the guy's name on third base?

BUD: What's on second.

LOU: I'm not asking ya who's on second.

BUD: Who's on first.

LOU: I don't know.

BUD: He's on third.

LOU: There I go, back on third again.

BUD: Well, I can't change their names.

LOU: Will you please stay on third base?

BUD: Please. Now what is it you want to know?

LOU: What is the fellow's name on third base.

BUD: What is the fellow's name on second base.

LOU: I'm not askin' ya who's on second!

BUD: Who's on first.

LOU: I don't know.

BUD & LOU: Third base!

LOU: You got an outfield?

BUD: Oh, sure.

LOU: St. Louis has got a good outfield?

BUD: Oh, absolutely.

LOU: The left fielder's name?

BUD: Why.

LOU: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask you.

BUD: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.

LOU: Then tell me who's playing left field?

BUD: Who's playing first!

LOU: Stay out of the infield!

BUD: Don't mention any names out here!

LOU: I want to know what's the fellow's name in left field?

BUD: What is on second.

LOU: I'm not askin' ya who's on second!

BUD: Who is on first.

LOU: I don't know!

BUD & LOU: Third base!

BUD: Now take it easy, take it easy, man.

LOU: And the left fielder's name?

BUD: Why.

LOU: Because!

BUD: Oh, he's center field.

LOU: Wait a minute. You got a pitcher on the team?

BUD: Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher.

LOU: I dunno. Tell me the pitcher's name.

BUD: Tomorrow.

LOU: You don't want to tell me today?

BUD: I'm tell you, man.

LOU: Then go ahead.

BUD: Tomorrow.

LOU: What time?

BUD: What time what?

LOU: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?!

BUD: Now listen, Who is not pitching. Who is on---

LOU: I'll break your arm if you say who's on first!

BUD: Then why come up here and ask?

LOU: I want to know what's the pitcher's name?

BUD: What's on second.

LOU: I don't know.

BUD & LOU: Third base!!

LOU: You gotta catcher?

BUD: Yes.

LOU: The catcher's name?

BUD: Today.

LOU: Today. And Tomorrow's pitching.

BUD: Now you've got it.

LOU: That's all. St. Louis has a couple of days on their team, that's all.

BUD: Well, I can't help that. All right. What do you want me to do?

LOU: Gotta catcher?

BUD: Yes.

LOU: I'm a good catcher too you know.

BUD: I know that.

LOU: I would like to play for the St. Louis team.

BUD: Well I might arrange that.

LOU: I would like to catch. Now I'm being a good catcher, Tomorrow's pitching on the
team, and I'm catching.

BUD: Yes.

LOU: Tomorrow throws the ball and the guy up bunts the ball---

BUD: Yes.

LOU: Now when he bunts the ball---me being a good catcher---I want to throw the guy
out at first base, so I pick up the ball and throw it to who?

BUD: Now that's the first thing you've said right.

LOU: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

BUD: Well, that's all you have to do.

LOU: Is to throw it to first base?

BUD: Yes.

LOU: Now who's got it?

BUD: Naturally.

LOU: Who has it?

BUD: Naturally.

LOU: Naturally.

BUD: Naturally.

LOU: O.K.

BUD: Now you've got it.

LOU: I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.

BUD: No you don't, you throw the ball to first base.

LOU: Then who gets it?

BUD: Naturally!

LOU: O.K.

BUD: All right.

LOU: I throw the ball to Naturally.

BUD: You don't! You throw it to Who!

LOU: Naturally!

BUD: Well, that's it. Say it that way.

LOU: That's what I said!

BUD: You did not.

LOU: I said I'd throw the ball to Naturally.

BUD: You don't. You throw it to Who.

LOU: Naturally.

BUD: Yes!

LOU: So I throw the ball to first base and Naturally gets it.

BUD: No! You throw the ball to first base---

LOU: Then who gets it?!

BUD: Naturally!

LOU: That's what I'm saying!

BUD: You're not saying that.

LOU: I throw the ball to Naturally!

BUD: You throw it to Who!

LOU: Naturally!

BUD: Naturally. Well, say it that way.

LOU: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!

BUD: Now don't get excited. Now don't get excited.

LOU: I throw the ball to first base---

BUD: Then Who gets it!

LOU: HE BETTER GET IT!

BUD: All right, now don't get excited. Take it easy.

LOU: Hrmmph.

BUD: Hrmmph.

LOU: Now I throw the ball to first base, whoever it is drops the ball, so the guy runs to second.
Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know.
I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow---a triple play.

BUD: Yeah. It could be.

LOU: Another guy gets up and it's a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know.
He's on third, and I don't care!

BUD: What was that?

LOU: I said, I DON'T CARE!

BUD: Oh, that's our shortstop!
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Old 06-10-2006, 01:08 PM   #7
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Old 06-10-2006, 03:55 PM   #8
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Old 06-10-2006, 05:25 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sicy
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Old 06-13-2006, 11:08 AM   #10
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Old 06-13-2006, 11:13 AM   #11
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I wasn't inciting a riot or argument if that's what you had in mind. I was merely making a statement and I realise not everyone will agree.
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Old 06-13-2006, 11:14 AM   #12
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Easy Mr. Marzipan, it was just a story. They know you're harmless.
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Old 06-13-2006, 11:39 AM   #13
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I'll save you.

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Old 06-22-2006, 08:39 AM   #14
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Old 06-22-2006, 09:41 AM   #15
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hey -

this is INTERFERENCE not coreference!
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