ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
Top 24 Funniest Signs Seen in the USA
24. In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."
23. In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed."
22. In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center"
21. On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."
20. On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."
19. At a number of military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."
18. On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced"
17. Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."
16. In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"
15. In a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."
14. In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."
13. On a Tennessee highway: "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."
12. In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy."
11. In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."
10. On a radiator repair garage: "Best place to take a leak."
9. At a Santa Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."
8. In a New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."
7. On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. -- Sisters of Mercy"
6. In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
5. A parking sign in front of a Boston meditation center: "Visualize Being Towed."
4. On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."
3. In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."
2. In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"
1. On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "38 years on the same spot."
Top 24 Things You Woudn't Know Without the Movies
24. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
23. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
22. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
21. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
20. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
19. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
18. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
17. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
16. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
15. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of Wembley Stadium.
14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
13. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
12. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
11. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
10. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
9. An electric fence powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
8. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
7. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
5. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
4. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
3. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war - unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
2. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade -- at any time of the year
24. In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."
23. In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed."
22. In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center"
21. On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."
20. On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."
19. At a number of military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."
18. On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced"
17. Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."
16. In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"
15. In a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."
14. In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."
13. On a Tennessee highway: "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."
12. In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy."
11. In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."
10. On a radiator repair garage: "Best place to take a leak."
9. At a Santa Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."
8. In a New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."
7. On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. -- Sisters of Mercy"
6. In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
5. A parking sign in front of a Boston meditation center: "Visualize Being Towed."
4. On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."
3. In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."
2. In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"
1. On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "38 years on the same spot."
Top 24 Things You Woudn't Know Without the Movies
24. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
23. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
22. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
21. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
20. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
19. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
18. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
17. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
16. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
15. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of Wembley Stadium.
14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
13. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
12. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
11. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
10. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
9. An electric fence powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
8. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
7. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
5. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
4. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
3. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war - unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
2. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade -- at any time of the year
