Its a fissure # kat and me

[Angela Harlem]

I gots me self a new job kat, you dont want to hear the convo I had with 'self' over this btw. But basically I am now going to tell everyone what they should do with their lives, their hair, their everything. Its my new job ya see.

I have decided you should work with animals. I have the whole thing planned out for you. BLS will open her own clinic and you will be her offsider, in a non official capacity unless you want 6 years of vet school (I can be flexible with my dictating about your life if you insist, btw).

Reasons:
1. You have newt experience.
2. Animals are better than people and you already know this fact.
3. Your nature makes you a kind and caring soul - much for sick lil animals.
4. BLS will make an excellent vet and will have the best clinic ever, therefore you will have an awesome boss that loves you back.
5. Newts.
6. Waldo can talk to the animals too, will keep him off your back.
7. In your typical suburban clinic you are unlikely to meet any elephants. I think that is a good thing.
8. You will contribute to regular work for the clinic through your own menagerie and also word of mouth as you have Interference for free advertising.
9. You can rescue any ones that may not need 'permanent solutions', thus giving you even more pets and a sense of doing good.
10. Newts.

So, there you have it. Please rpt back when you have undertaken this.
Thanks.

I will be happy to tell anyone else what they should do as well.

[Cough]

[/Cough]

 

[Bonochick]

I love the way you think.

Newts

I guess it's either that or moving to Seattle to become a lady of the afternoon.

 

[Cleasai]

Career Guidance Counselor Angie

Dear Angie, what should I be doing with my wasted life? I've been waiting hear back from some TV stations and even had some friends in the industry drop my name here and there. So wait aint they be callin'?

 

[Salome]

do all you advices include newts?

 

[Angela Harlem]

Cleasai:
Your calling is in publishing. You've got the artistic flair that will go far in such a field. TV is too over glamourised to do you any long term good. Use your love of media to extend your prospects in this field. Its your cake, and you can eat it too.



Slomey:

Newts are not yet a part of professional armchair cricketing. Once they are, you will have your true calling. The spreadsheets are a means to an end. Better things are coming your way.

 

[ABEL]

 

[Cleasai]

mmmm cake. Thanks Angie. Never thought about that

 

[Sicy]

2. Animals are better than people

 

[Angela Harlem]

ABEL:
All in small doses is for you. Graphic Design is something you love, but you should break it up with something else. I think illustration is a strong point with you, and if you were to do it full time it would cease being a fun thing so a combination of all your artistic endeavours is what you need. Ideally, part time graphic designer and freelance illustrator/commissioned artist is your thing. You should also look into writing. When Cleasai has settled into his shiny new career in publishing, make sure you are still in contact with him.

 

[zonelistener]

Dear career counselor:

I am a frustrated housewive who has tried to make millions by never leaving the house. Do you have any other scams I haven't heard of where I can get rich quick by never leaving the indentation of my couch?

Annoyed Amway Associate in Appleton

 

[Bonochick]

One time, my dad bought pants in Appleton.

 

[Angela Harlem]

Dear Annoyed Associate from The-Apple-Never-Falls-Far-From-The-Tree-ton.
The answer is simple. Eat your way to riches. Simply gain, say 400 - 500 pounds and sell parts of your body for advertising space. Failing that, gain the weight then lose it again and spend forever talking to an Oprah filmcrew from the comfort of your indentation about your rocky road to excess flab.
Forget MLM. Your body is the answer here! Your body is a temple, treat it as such and aim for roughly the same bulk per square foot as your nearest church or temple. You will be on to an absolute money spinner with tv endorsements and will never have to leave home again. Infact, you probably wont have the choice. Your roof will be raised and you can be airlifted to your own funeral, another money spinner, thus setting your good for nothing ungrateful children up for life.

 

[zonelistener]

Thank you career counselor!

You have inpsired me beyond all imagination. I have just visited the local Kentucky Fried Chicken. I am finger lickin' good, y'all. And little do they know it, but I have found a sure-shot way to make money of the colonel. I call it "plump-n-sue." I shall eat KFC four times a day. After I gain 300 more pounds (I am at 200, well on my way at 4 foot 10 to a nice round figure), I will file suit. This will bring some "fame" to me, allowing me to jack up the "price per inch" on my skin for ad space. My ass will be huge.

As Advertised in Appleton

 

[yertle-the-turtle]

dear career counseler

where can i get a job that allows me to do whatever the hell i want but still get a lot of cash?

 

[Angela Harlem]

Yertle:
You are without a doubt an as yet undiscovered talent scout for any of the large recording companies. Your days should be spent listening to sample discs and demos, and scouring pubs and clubs (with a work tab of course) looking at young live bands in areas all around the globe. Flying first class and pissing on in some of the finest bars in some of the finest cities is your calling.
Its in the music, yertle.

 

[yertle-the-turtle]

now the question is

would they have to talent scout me to become a talent scout?

great sounding job! thanks, career counselor angie!

 

[bonosloveslave]

Angie, you may be the smartest person ever. Excellent advice for Kat

 

[pax]

Angie, I am a brilliant woman who has been frequently told by semi-drunk men wishing to get in my pants that I have the most beautiful rack in the world. I play well with others, write not-bad poetry, and am desperately in love with Bonohick even though I am straight. Any suggestions?

 

[Bonochick]

I play well with others, write not-bad poetry, and am desperately in love with Bonohick even though I am straight. Any suggestions?

Who's this Bonohick character???

Shut up and kiss me.

 

[zonelistener]

Ah, ya knooow, Bonohick.
Up der in da U-P.


*goes to register the BonoHick username

 

[Screaming Flower]

dear angela kiwi,

what should i do with my life?

sincerely,

screaming flour

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

when will the walls in my room stop bleeding?

oh yeah, and:

will the guy on eight ask me out?

signed,
popchicken

 

[Angela Harlem]

Paxie:
You want to use your skills to get you where ever you want in life. If you've got it, flaunt it. Luckily, you have the mental goods to back you up and therefore will never be seen as a show pony. History is your area, use your flair with the written word to your advantage. Your wonderful rack will continue to serve you well as you play, drunk men are a source of amusement whilst under the influence yourself. Combine the 2, as all work and no play makes Paxie somewhat nerdish (which you aren't, having the gift of both inner and outer 'mojo'). You are lucky to have the best of both worlds. Speaking of the best of both worlds, it is your lucky day as Bonochick, your one true love actually has a penis. I can see you making beautiful intelligent children, with lovely racks. Its all smelling like roses for you mah dear!




Screamer:
The times, they are a'changing. Head in a new direction. You've been stuck for a while and life isn't giving you an inch. There's a reason for this. You've always thought you wanted to one thing, all the while doing something else. Neither of those may be the right thing for you at this stage of your life. Things will change again, as they always do, and you feel like you dont really know. Truth is there is plenty you want to do, but feel unable to do any of it. The times when you feel most like you have nothing is most likely when it is the right time to take the bull b the horns and reclaim your life. After time, it will become clear it is easier to jump straight in than it is to carry on without a sense of control. Your intelligence can take you anywhere and you have many interests. To limit your choices to one thing could lead to disappointment. Use your skills to broaden your horizons. Think outside your square. Plan and make lists. Accomplish at least one thing.



Popchook:
Your walls need spakfilla. You have rising damp which gives the appearance of bleeding walls. As long as you lay off the LSD and get a plasterer in, you will be able to overcome this asap.
As for #8, dont wait around for him. The right one is out there right now, he is looking for you. You dont need to be wasting your precious time looking for him. He will introduce himself to you when it is time. Until then, it is your job to enjoy every minute of your life and fill it up with everything you need and want. Let him chase, he will be coming along right when you aren't expecting it - being busy and having fun for YOU and YOU only. Your guy will be wanting an independant gal (which you are by nature), and once you can relax and let him do all the work, things will be much clearer.

 

[Salome]

dear yoda of harlem,

on a more serious note
should I change my hairdo and/or wax my legs?


thanks in advance,
slowme-oh

 

[zonelistener]

Paxie:
Speaking of the best of both worlds, it is your lucky day as Bonochick, your one true love actually has a penis.

Sweet Martha's

 

[pax]

I'm so lucky!!!

 

[Bonochick]

Oh No You Didn't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Speaking of the best of both worlds, it is your lucky day as Bonochick, your one true love actually has a penis.

Apparently, I can't trust you with any secrets!!!!!!!

 

[Angela Harlem]

Slowme-oh:
Do a combination of both, wax your hair instead.
:woohaty:




newt

 

[Salome]

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Popchook:
Your walls need spakfilla. You have rising damp which gives the appearance of bleeding walls. As long as you lay off the LSD and get a plasterer in, you will be able to overcome this asap.
As for #8, dont wait around for him. The right one is out there right now, he is looking for you. You dont need to be wasting your precious time looking for him. He will introduce himself to you when it is time. Until then, it is your job to enjoy every minute of your life and fill it up with everything you need and want. Let him chase, he will be coming along right when you aren't expecting it - being busy and having fun for YOU and YOU only. Your guy will be wanting an independant gal (which you are by nature), and once you can relax and let him do all the work, things will be much clearer.

*puts LSD down