BAW
The Flower
End of the year wrap up 
The following scenarios were taken right from the case files of Estrada Investigations aka what the BAW's do when they aren't here.
Don't tie one end of a rope around a tree branch and the other end to your belt and think it will keep your 225 pound body from crashing to the ground if you lose your balance while you trim a really tall tree. You will hit the ground...hard.
Don't balance a ladder against your wobbly backyard fence and lean your husky body over to your neighbor's side, trying to be helpful by trimming his tree branches. The wall will fall. And so will you.
Don't EVER hit your gardener with a rake because he let your dogs out. Adding racial slurs is a bad idea too...especially when you repeat them on tape to an investigator of Hispanic descent...who will be reporting said slurs to your homeowners insurance representative...also of Hispanic descent. You will get arrested. And the gardener will get a big settlement.
Don't put your face up close to the snout of your neighbor's growling dog and say in a playful voice "oooh what's a matter with the doggy!" He will bite you, dumbass.
Don't forget to put your neckbrace back on when you take pictures of your vehicle damage and give copies to the investigator. Especially if you just told him on tape that you wear it all day, every day. He will recognize you in the pictures Cletus McBumpkin. Oh yeah...put down the beer and the cigarette too. They don't go well with pain meds.
Don't trip yourself repeatedly and say outloud while the tape recorder is running "I don't know what's wrong with me, I just keep tripping!" Um...okay, this normally wouldn't be so bad unless you've just filed a claim because you tripped leaving the home of a hairdressing client.
Don't think that cleavage or a glimpse of thigh will get you anywhere.
The following scenarios were taken right from the case files of Estrada Investigations aka what the BAW's do when they aren't here.
Don't tie one end of a rope around a tree branch and the other end to your belt and think it will keep your 225 pound body from crashing to the ground if you lose your balance while you trim a really tall tree. You will hit the ground...hard.
Don't balance a ladder against your wobbly backyard fence and lean your husky body over to your neighbor's side, trying to be helpful by trimming his tree branches. The wall will fall. And so will you.
Don't EVER hit your gardener with a rake because he let your dogs out. Adding racial slurs is a bad idea too...especially when you repeat them on tape to an investigator of Hispanic descent...who will be reporting said slurs to your homeowners insurance representative...also of Hispanic descent. You will get arrested. And the gardener will get a big settlement.
Don't put your face up close to the snout of your neighbor's growling dog and say in a playful voice "oooh what's a matter with the doggy!" He will bite you, dumbass.
Don't forget to put your neckbrace back on when you take pictures of your vehicle damage and give copies to the investigator. Especially if you just told him on tape that you wear it all day, every day. He will recognize you in the pictures Cletus McBumpkin. Oh yeah...put down the beer and the cigarette too. They don't go well with pain meds.
Don't trip yourself repeatedly and say outloud while the tape recorder is running "I don't know what's wrong with me, I just keep tripping!" Um...okay, this normally wouldn't be so bad unless you've just filed a claim because you tripped leaving the home of a hairdressing client.
Don't think that cleavage or a glimpse of thigh will get you anywhere.
Last edited:
>
Those are great! 
). 
