He's officially inspiring

[fah]

Jack Handey


"If Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of it for granted"

 

[ILuvLarryMullen]

"When this girl at the art museum asked me whom I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise." She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me."

 

[redhotswami]

lol this one reminds me of this forum:
As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!

 

[Bonochick]

"I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it."

 

[JessicaAnn]

http://www.deepthoughtsbyjackhandey.com/

 

[fah]

"A man doesn't automatically get my respect. He has to get down in the dirt and beg for it"

 

[elevated_u2_fan]

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."