Your mission is: To compose a short story utilising all the song titles on HTDAAB - U2 Feedback

Go Back   U2 Feedback > Your Blue Room > Everything You Know Is Wrong > Everything You Know Is Wrong Archive
Click Here to Login
 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 01-28-2005, 06:25 AM   #1
Refugee
 
paulrg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Nomad
Posts: 1,280
Local Time: 07:29 AM
Your mission is: To compose a short story utilising all the song titles on HTDAAB

Test of the imagination for some Friday amusement.
Rules:
1) all song titles from the album (including the bonus track Fast Cars) to be included in your story, in full.
2) do not spend more than 5 minutes composing your masterpiece.

My attempt below to get the ball rolling:

I was most upset to find, after booking our Himalayan mountain climbing expedition Valentines break, to find that Maria suffers from Vertigo. This was news to me and came as quite a shock especially when she later blamed me for wasting time and money on a holiday "We've got nowhere to go and nothing to do now, and it's All Because Of You."

Well after all this I needed a Miracle Drug and as I found at long ago Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own so I met up with a couple of friends in the local pub. As I was leaving I asked one whether he thought Maria would have forgiven me by now - "Well you're One Step Closer To Knowing" he offered in reply.

As I stumbled out the door of the bar, a few sheets to the wind, into the street I was dazzled by the brilliance around me "Shit, what is this City Of Blinding Lights" I thought to myself as I gazed up at the neon lights along the strip. This distracted me from the job in hand and as I hit the lamp-post I exclaimed "Yarrwayyy" in pain. I avoided the Fast Cars drag racing down the strip as I crossed the road to head home. I decided that when I got home I'd better find Love And Peace Or Else I'd go straight back to the pub.

I returned home to find Maria in better mood. She called me an Original Of The Species and said she thought the Himalayas a strange choice for Valentine. "Crumbs" I thought to myself, and asked Maria if I could "have the Brandy bottle From Your Table".

An hour later we were asleep in bed, A Man And A Woman and a developing hangover.
__________________

paulrg is offline  
Old 01-28-2005, 08:58 AM   #2
Refugee
 
jick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Philippines
Posts: 2,054
Local Time: 02:29 PM
A MAN AND A WOMAN visited the CITY OF BLINDING LIGHTS because they lived from a place with no electricity, a place where the ORIGINAL OF THE SPECIES came from like the first tribes of American Indians. They went there to find a MIRACLE DRUG to cure the man's symptoms of VERTIGO. They decided to drop by an Internet station and applied for membership in U2.com. They got a message for the presales that said "when you watch a U2 gig, SOMETIMES YOU CAN'T MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN so its better there be two of you so please tell your friends to sign up too." So the man convinced the woman to sign up, which is $80 for the both of them. "This better be worth my 40 bucks," quipped to woman, "after all, I signed up ALL BECAUSE OF YOU."

When push came to shove and it was time for presale, both of them realized that their credit cards were double charged, the promo codes were not working, and all the tour dates were sold out, except for the $500 eBay tickets. "YAHWEH! What the hell went wrong?" exclaimed the woman (who was of Hebrew ancestry). The man and the woman were in a small Internet cafe. "Let's get to the bottom of all this," said the man as he logged on the the internet. "Ok, I'm in the U2.com website and am ONE STEP CLOSER TO KNOWING what went wrong." But there was no information in the U2 website so he decided to leave the cafe and back to his hotel.

"Wait up sir," said the cafe waiter, "your credit card was not accepted as it has been declared overlimit." The man was pissed because he knew it went over the limit after he was double charged. So he said "I cannot pay for my internet usage bill, what can I do?" The waiter said "just clean up the CRUMBS FROM YOUR TABLE then go to the kitchen to wash the dishes and consider your bill paid." The man asked for pity because he was suffering from a bout with vertigo and got ripped off by U2.com. The waiter said "oh you don't have money because U2.com ripped you off too? I can relate because that happened to me also. Let's just call it a day, I won't charge you or let you do the dishes, just go out in LOVE AND PEACE OR ELSE if you continue to try to fight U2, they will give you a hard time." So just shut up and drive slowly and just let the FAST CARS pass you by so you can reflect on U2 and on how they have possible ripped you off. So the man left the cafe, and the woman was waiting outside the car.

Fast forward to a month after, the man and the woman are now married. The woman says "honey remember that time when U2.com ripped us off? We still haven't done anything about it yet. ARE YOU GONNA WAIT FOREVER to file a lawsuit?" The man said "I won't honey, I believe that what goes around comes around - U2 will soon get what they really deserve."

*** THE END ***

Cheers,

J
__________________

jick is offline  
Old 01-28-2005, 09:09 AM   #3
Refugee
 
Zooropean103's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Warsaw, Poland
Posts: 1,584
Local Time: 06:29 AM
Err Jick, does your avatar means something? :P
Zooropean103 is offline  
Old 01-29-2005, 01:08 AM   #4
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
Saracene's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Melbourne, Australia, some time after tea
Posts: 6,325
Local Time: 06:29 AM
I was lying on my couch watching Hitchcock's VERTIGO for the umpteenth time when the bell rang. "Oh fudgecake, who could that be?" I muttered, trying to shake off the last vestiges of the MIRACLE DRUG I've tried just before the film. When I opened the door, I saw A MAN AND A WOMAN standing on the front porch of my house, he looking more furious than YAHWEH on a bad day, she throwing quick nervous glances at him. "You young people and your FAST CARS!" the man roared with no introduction, taking ONE STEP CLOSER towards me. "Would you like to come out and look at my new Mitsubishi? Two thousand - that's the least I'll have to fork out for repairs - and it's ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!"

"Umppdf?" I said, my scrambled mind trying frantically to pull itself together for a rational response. "Didn't think I'd follow you after you made me crash into that lamp post, huh? Don't tell me you'll pay - I need no CRUMBS FROM YOUR TABLE - I just want to teach you a lesson," the man continued, getting redder in the face, and now I saw to my horror a baseball bat clutched in his hands. Obviously, I was in for a visit to the CITY OF BLINDING LIGHTS.

"Now listen, you idiot," said a voice behind my back, and Lila, my sister, stepped out. "James doesn't even -have- a car! You obviously got the wrong house! Now everyone's going to calm down and it's gonna be LOVE AND PEACE... OR ELSE I'm calling the police." The man stared wildly in Lila's face for a second, then flushed with embarrassment and darted back to his car. For a split second, the man's wife's eyes met mine and said, "I married an idiot".

"Lila, you truly are an ORIGINAL OF THE SPECIES," I breathed out gratefully. "That's what I've been telling you, James - we may fight all the time but SOMETIMES YOU CAN'T MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN," smiled Lila. "And really, the crash was all that guy's fault - shouldn't have tried to overtake me."
Saracene is offline  
Old 01-29-2005, 05:04 AM   #5
Acrobat
 
Murray's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 496
Local Time: 02:29 AM
In a far away place called Vertigo, everything was more advanced. They had computers that could do everything for you, and they had Miracle Drugs to cure every ailment. One day, they were looking through their telescopes and found Earth. They thought they would give it a try. "Do you think it has inteligent life?" one Vertigan asked. "Well, we're One Step Closer to knowing," answered another.
"Oh dear Yaweh!" cried A Man And A Woman when they saw the spaceship heading towards Earth. They aliens had landed in the City Of Blinding Lights. "We come in Love And Peace..." said an alien. "...OR ELSE!" yelled an American.

Okay, from here on the names of the songs are used pretty cheaply.

The first store they went into was a Soap Opera Video Store. When they walked in a woman was crying "SOMETIMES YOU CAN'T MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN, BRET!" as she was running out. The aliens decided this was not a good place to be in. Next, they went into a laboratory. "A-ha! We have bred a cat with a dog! We have created the cog! It is the Original of the Species!" yelled the triumphant scientists. Frightened by the strange cog, the aliens left the laboratory. They then went into a restaurant, and saw a waiter going up to a table and saying "Excuse me, I have to ask you to leave. Look at all the Crumbs that have fallen From Your Table!" The family eating there, then left. The aliens realized that this store was way too harsh for them. "I don't think this planet us the place for us," said one alien. "Yeah, well it's your fault we came here!" one said as they prepared for lift off. "But we have seen a new world, and it is all because of you."

THE END
Murray is offline  
Old 01-30-2005, 04:16 PM   #6
War Child
 
Numbology's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Croatia
Posts: 787
Local Time: 07:29 AM
freaks...you need a MIRACLE DRUG...and you need it fast
Numbology is offline  
Old 01-31-2005, 03:26 AM   #7
The Fly
 
zooroper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Split, Croatia
Posts: 167
Local Time: 06:29 AM
this is sick
zooroper is offline  
Old 02-01-2005, 01:05 AM   #8
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
U2DMfan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: It's Inside A Black Hole
Posts: 6,637
Local Time: 12:29 AM
ok I couldn't resist

Bono: "ok, what tracklist did we decide on?"
Edge: "Vertigo, MD, SYCMIOYO, LAPOE, COBL, ABOY, AMAW, CFYT, OOTS, OSC, Yahweh, Fast Cars"
Bono: "what the fuck is a lapoe or a cfyt?"
Edge: "They are anagrams for the songs"
Bono: "Cobl sounds interesting, did Eno play on that?"
Edge: "Anagrams, like letters subsituted for words"
Bono: "Yeah, I know what an anagram is I am not that dense"
Edge: "So anyways, we went with the eleven and added Fast Cars as a bonus track"
Bono: "So where is Mercy?"
Edge: "Larry voted it out because it was too long"
Bono: "Tiagsaliaw"
Edge: "What the hell is a tiagsaliaw?"
Bono: "It's an anagram of course, are you dense?"
Edge: "Well what does it mean, something about Mercy?"
Bono: "That Is A Great Song And Larry Is A Wanker"
U2DMfan is offline  
Old 02-01-2005, 01:16 AM   #9
Rock n' Roll Doggie
Band-aid
 
ZeroDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Belfast
Posts: 4,953
Local Time: 07:29 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by U2DMfan
ok I couldn't resist

Bono: "ok, what tracklist did we decide on?"
Edge: "Vertigo, MD, SYCMIOYO, LAPOE, COBL, ABOY, AMAW, CFYT, OOTS, OSC, Yahweh, Fast Cars"
Bono: "what the fuck is a lapoe or a cfyt?"
Edge: "They are anagrams for the songs"
Bono: "Cobl sounds interesting, did Eno play on that?"
Edge: "Anagrams, like letters subsituted for words"
Bono: "Yeah, I know what an anagram is I am not that dense"
Edge: "So anyways, we went with the eleven and added Fast Cars as a bonus track"
Bono: "So where is Mercy?"
Edge: "Larry voted it out because it was too long"
Bono: "Tiagsaliaw"
Edge: "What the hell is a tiagsaliaw?"
Bono: "It's an anagram of course, are you dense?"
Edge: "Well what does it mean, something about Mercy?"
Bono: "That Is A Great Song And Larry Is A Wanker"
This is funny
ZeroDude is offline  
Old 02-01-2005, 04:14 AM   #10
The Fly
 
zooroper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Split, Croatia
Posts: 167
Local Time: 06:29 AM
HA HA A......it really is!!!

OK, this is not so sick!
__________________

zooroper is offline  
 

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:29 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Design, images and all things inclusive copyright © Interference.com