U2 joke.

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Ikkin

Ikkin

War Child
Joined
Jan 20, 2005
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Location
Melbourne, Australia. Mate.
This was on eBaum's World. I had a laugh.

Bono is at a U2 concert in Dublin when he asks the audience for some quiet. Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands. Holding the audience in total silence, he says in to the microphone... "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." A voice from near the front pierces the silence... "Well, f*cking stop clapping then!!"

This got me thinkin. It's really the first U2 joke I've heard. I've seen comics and people just poke fun at them but no jokes. So PLEBANs. Post your jokes! The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. :wink:

-Nikki
 
This is an old joke, but just as funny with U2 names.

The band were having a crazy day in the studio. Larry, who had just gotten tired of all the fooling around said "That's it! You're all out of the band!" and stormed off. The next day the guys pleaded with him, and Larry said, "I let you back in if you can do one task for me. Go to the supermarket down the street, get three pieces of fruit apiece, and bring them back here for further instructions"

And they were off. Edge comes back with 3 grapes. Larry says, "If you can put all 3 grapes in your butt while keeping a straight face, I will let you back in. If not, you're outta here for good."

He starts to stick the grapes into his butt, but when he gets to the third one, he grimaces slightly. Larry cooly pointed at the door, and Edge walked off.

Adam came back with three apples. With no small effort, he manages to get the first two in without slipping. But as he picks up the third one, he starts laughing hysterically.

So Larry says, "You couldn't keep a straight face, so now you're out of the band for good. But I can't help but ask, why in the world were you laughing like that?"

He says "Because I see Bono is coming back with three watermelons!"
 
redhotswami said:
This is an old joke, but just as funny with U2 names.

The band were having a crazy day in the studio. Larry, who had just gotten tired of all the fooling around said "That's it! You're all out of the band!" and stormed off. The next day the guys pleaded with him, and Larry said, "I let you back in if you can do one task for me. Go to the supermarket down the street, get three pieces of fruit apiece, and bring them back here for further instructions"

And they were off. Edge comes back with 3 grapes. Larry says, "If you can put all 3 grapes in your butt while keeping a straight face, I will let you back in. If not, you're outta here for good."

He starts to stick the grapes into his butt, but when he gets to the third one, he grimaces slightly. Larry cooly pointed at the door, and Edge walked off.

Adam came back with three apples. With no small effort, he manages to get the first two in without slipping. But as he picks up the third one, he starts laughing hysterically.

So Larry says, "You couldn't keep a straight face, so now you're out of the band for good. But I can't help but ask, why in the world were you laughing like that?"

He says "Because I see Bono is coming back with three watermelons!"
Click to expand...

LOL
 
I think this one is from "the book"

How many members of U2 does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, Bono holds the light bulb and the world revolves around him.

:giggle:
 
A musician dies and goes to heaven. He meets Jimi Hendrix, Elvis Presley, John Lennon - and then sees Bono flying by. "Hey," the musician says, "I didn't know Bono was dead!" "He's not," Elvis replies, "Thats God - He likes to pretend He's Bono!"




Oldies but goodies!!!:D:up:
 
One day an Englishman, an American, and an Irish man walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guiness. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverage three flies landed in each of their pints.The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Irish man picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!"



Not exactly U2 ...but exactly Irish!!!!
 
In the year 2028, thirty years after Popmart has closed it's doors. The Edge walks into a bar in Dublin, orders four pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders four more.
The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Edge replies, "Well, you see, since Bono's on Pluto, Adam's on Venus, and Larry's on Mars, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. Edge becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: he orders four pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders three pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." Edge looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no." he says, "Everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking.



Not too funny but...........:)
 
uh I think I've seen another one in the joke contest, not sure what the exact joke was, but it's something like this

Bono and Edge die and go to heaven
there they meet god, and god asks them what they believe in
Edge starts first, saying he believes in their music, the abilities of their band, and above all the gibson guitar!
God tells Edge that it's ok, and allows him into heaven..
Next up Bono, 'and what do you believe in Bono?" God asks..
Bono replies: " I believe... that you're sitting in my chair.... '
 
A young Irish girl comes to town and goes to the priest.

"Father I have sinned .. I made love with Adam from U2 who gave me a ride to town. ."

"Daughter, say 10 prayers and you will be forgiven"

"Father," she says, "I will say 20 prayers because I will drive back with Bono."



!!!!!!!!!!!__________________:evil:
 
Q. How many members of U2 does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Four:
Bono writes a song asking for deliverance from the dark.

Larry says it doesn't matter if it's light or dark. He's the drummer. Chicks dig him.

Adam wonders if it's worth getting naked when no one can see him

Edge, the mechanical genius, finally changes the bulb.



:edge:-------------:nerd:
 
So one day The Edge and Bono had a bet.
Bono said "Everyone in the world knows me."
The Edge said "Get over yourself"
Bono "I will prove it"

They walk out of Windmill Lane and a bunch of girls went nuts yelling for Bono.
Bono said "See Edge they love me."
The Edge said "No big deal groupies, even Carrot Top has groupies."

Bono told The Edge "OK you pick any place. We'll go and someone will know me." The Edge picked Nome Alaska. There on a secluded frozen lake was an Eskimo ice fishing
They walked up to the Eskimo and the Eskimo said "Ugh hi Bono"
The Edge shook his head in amazement.

Then The Edge took Bono to a remote island in the Pacific ocean. They went out on a boat and there was a boy swimming with dolphins. The Edge stopped his the boat and the boy said Hi Bono and to The Edge's amazement so did the dolphin.
Bono said "See I told you"

The Edge finally came up with an idea. They flew to the Vatican. Bono decided to give the POPE a pair of Fly glasses and talk about Jubilee 2000.
The Edge was standing in the crowd when all the sudden a guy came up and said "Hey who's that guy Bono is giving sunglasses to?"

The Edge threw up his hands and gave up.

:lmao:
 
The four guys were in a bar, rowdy and having fun. Bono urged, "Hey Lawrence, tell them your drummer joke!" "That's a bit mean, asking a drummer to tell a drummer joke." But he told it anyway. "There are 3 guys in a bar. The first says, I have an IQ of 150, I'm a rocket scientist. The second guys says, I have an IQ of 140, I'm a neurosurgeon. The last guy says, I have an IQ of 80. The other two guys say, YOU'RE A DRUMMER!



:D
 
A drummer is walking down the road in the country side one day when he spots a shepherd and his flock of sheep up the hill. So the drummer climbs up the hill and says to the shepherd, "If I guess how many sheep are in your flock can I have one?"
The Shepherd thinks to himself "This guy's never gonna guess how many sheep I've got..." and he says "Sure, son. Take your best shot."
The drummer surveys the flock and says "42."
The Shepherd is amazed and says, "Wow! How'd you do that? Go ahead, son. Take your sheep."
So the drummer picks up one of the animals and starts walking away.
The shepherd calls after him, "Hey! If I guess your profession can I have my sheep back?"
The drummer thinks to himself "He's never gonna guess I'm a drummer," and says, "Sure. Guess."
The shepherd looks at him and says, "You're a drummer."
The drummer is astonished and says, "How'd you know?!?!?!"
The shepherd says, "Put my dog down and we'll talk."

:wink: .....................................:reject:............Im for sure gonna get killed by the drummer fans
 
A young Irish girl goes into her priest on Saturday morning for confession.

"Father, forgive me for I have Thinned."

"You've Thinned?"

"Yes, I met Adam of U2, we went out Friday night. He held me hand twice, kissed me three times, and made love to me two times."

"Daughter! I want you to go straight home, squeeze seven lemons into a glass, and drink it straight down."

"Will that wash away me Thin?"

"No, but it will get the silly smile off your face."



:evil:
 
Edge arrived at the pearly gates.

"What did you do when you were alive?" asked St. Peter.

"I was the lead guitarist of U2 "

"Excellent! We have a vacancy in our heavenly rock band for a guitarist. Why don't you turn up at the next rehearsal."

So, when the time for the next rehearsal arrived Edge turned up with his heavenly guitar. As he took his place God moved, in a mysterious way, to the mike. Edge turned to the angelic drummer and whispered, "So, what's God like as a singer?"

"Oh, he's O.K. most of the time, but occasionally he thinks he's Bono."


:lmao:
 
When Warren Zevon died, he was surprised to find himself in rock-n-roll heaven. St. Peter was showing him around, introducing him to all the departed rock stars. Visiting a fantastic music studio, he saw Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, John Bonham, Mama Cass, etc., etc.
Suddenly, with a flourish, Bono walked into the studio and joined in the jam.
Zevon gasped to St. Peter: 'I didn't know Bono died!'
'Oh no,' replied Peter 'That's God - he just THINKS he's Bono.'


Yeah this one is like GGs........:)
 
Bono and Edge are travelling in an airplane. The plane crashes during a severe storm and all lives are lost. Bono & Edge find themselves in Heaven and before them sitting on a grand throne is God. God tells them if they answer His question truthfully, they will enter the Kingdom of Heaven to experience everlasting happiness.

God turns to Edge and asks "What do you believe, Edge?"

Edge replies " I believe in the power of rock n roll and Gibson guitars!! "

God smiles, and says, " Excellent, you may enter. "

After Edge leaves, God turns to Bono. He asks Bono "What do you believe? "

With a wry smile and glint in his eye, Bono replies " I believe you are sitting in my chair! "


I think it was posted already..but..........................:wink:
 
A Scottish Wedding....

"Ach, it's all going grand," says Gavin.
"I've got everything organized already:
the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night...

Angus nods approvingly.

"Ah've even bought a kilt ta be married in!" continues Gavin.

"A kilt?" exclaims Angus, "That's braw, you'll look pure smart in that!"
"And what's the tartan?"
Angus then enquires.

"Och," says Gavin, "I'd imagine she'll be in white..."


:|
 
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