BonoFox1
Blue Crack Supplier
Q. How does Bono screw in a lightbulb?
A. He puts his hand on it and the world revolves around
A. He puts his hand on it and the world revolves around
Galeongirl said:uh I think I've seen another one in the joke contest, not sure what the exact joke was, but it's something like this
Bono and Edge die and go to heaven
there they meet god, and god asks them what they believe in
Edge starts first, saying he believes in their music, the abilities of their band, and above all the gibson guitar!
God tells Edge that it's ok, and allows him into heaven..
Next up Bono, 'and what do you believe in Bono?" God asks..
Bono replies: " I believe... that you're sitting in my chair.... '
BonoFox1 said:ok I have to get back to work!!!!!
BonoFox1 said:A young Irish girl goes into her priest on Saturday morning for confession.
"Father, forgive me for I have Thinned."
"You've Thinned?"
"Yes, I met Adam of U2, we went out Friday night. He held me hand twice, kissed me three times, and made love to me two times."
"Daughter! I want you to go straight home, squeeze seven lemons into a glass, and drink it straight down."
"Will that wash away me Thin?"
"No, but it will get the silly smile off your face."
DreamOutLoud13 said:Here's one I made up a few months ago (olmost on accident):
Bono, Jesus, and Santa Claus walk into a bar. They sit down and order their drinks. Santa orders hot cocoa, Bono orders a Guinness, and they're just waiting on Jesus to order, when he leans over to Bono and says: "Listen mate, I'm a bit short on cash, so I'll just get some water, and you can turn it into wine."
BonoFox1 said:Q. How many members of U2 does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Four:
Bono writes a song asking for deliverance from the dark.
Larry says it doesn't matter if it's light or dark. He's the drummer. Chicks dig him.
Adam wonders if it's worth getting naked when no one can see him
Edge, the mechanical genius, finally changes the bulb.
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BonoFox1 said:It's Christmas time, and U2 have lined up a series of enormous charity gigs. They get together on the day of the first gig to soundcheck and Bono notices that The Edge is looking a bit peaky.
"What's the matter The Edge?" he says.
"Ah look it's nothing Bono" says the guitarist, "It's just - you know that Japanese promotional tour we did last week, right? I think I picked up something, it might be some kind of flu, I'm feeling pretty bad."
"Well, The Edge," replies Bono, "if you want to pull out of the gigs you just say so."
Edge shakes his head. "No, no, no way Bono. These gigs are important to me - I've got to think of the children, not my aching guts."
"That's the spirit The Edge", says Bono, and so that night they take the stage. They play all the hits and the crowd are loving it. For a big climax, because it's for charity, they're going to perform "Do They Know It's Christmas?", but as they get going on the song Edge suddenly feels very ill indeed, and he turns, drops his guitar and sprints towards the back of the stage. But he doesn't quite make it and he throws up, all over Larry Mullen Jr. and his drumkit.
"Jaysis The Edge!" yells Larry, "Those are brand new drums! What the hell are you doing?"
Poor Edge is mortified. "Aw Larry, I - I - I couldn't help myself, I'm so sorry, it's this flu."
Bono calls a band meeting after the gig. "The Edge, that was disgusting, I don't think you should be playing tomorrow night, you know, you're not well."
"No, Bono, it won't happen again, honestly, I'm so sorry - and you know, the show must go on."
So Bono agrees and when the gig kicks off the next night Edge is up there on stage, riffing away. The gig's going really well, no problems, but then as "Do They Know It's Christmas" starts Edge begins to feel sick. He desperately tries to hold it down but it's no good, and makes a dash for the side of the stage, only getting as far as Adam Clayton, who he vomits over. Copiously.
"Me best leather waistcoat!" howls Adam Clayton, "The Edge you're more beast than man!"
Edge is white as a sheet. "Oh no, Adam, I'm sorry, I couldn't be more sorry."
Bono is furious after the gig. "The Edge you've gone too far this time, you've ruined another gig. I've just been on the phone to Sting, he can fill in tomorrow, you've got to rest up."
Edge is almost in tears, "Please Bono no, this gig means so much to me, I know I've got it all out my system now, I'll be great tomorrow I promise, you have to let me play."
"OK The Edge one last chance, but if there's any more antics like the last two nights then that's it, the end, you're out of U2."
The next day Edge takes lots of vitamins and he's feeling fine. The gig starts and it's amazing, the best U2 gig ever, even "Discotheque" sounds alright. Bono's really pleased, Edge is happy. They start "Do They Know It's Christmas" and Bono moves over to stand shoulder to shoulder with his buddy and realy belt the tune out. Suddenly Edge doesn't feel too good. His face is contorting, he's struggling like mad but it's no use - he turns to Bono with a look of desperation and suddenly hacks up an enormous greenie right in Bono's face.
The song stops. Edge is paralysed with horror - "Bono I can explain, I'm truly sorry, you can't believe how sorry I am."
Bono wipes the snot off, turns to Edge, and says
"Well, tonight thank God it's phlegm instead of spew."
*instead of Tonight that God it's them instead of you*..
BonoFox1 said:Q: If Edge was to do a strip, what song would he choose for it?
A: You can leave your hat on!!!!