U2 joke.

The friendliest place on the web for anyone that follows U2.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
See posts with no answers
Galeongirl said:
uh I think I've seen another one in the joke contest, not sure what the exact joke was, but it's something like this

Bono and Edge die and go to heaven
there they meet god, and god asks them what they believe in
Edge starts first, saying he believes in their music, the abilities of their band, and above all the gibson guitar!
God tells Edge that it's ok, and allows him into heaven..
Next up Bono, 'and what do you believe in Bono?" God asks..
Bono replies: " I believe... that you're sitting in my chair.... '
Click to expand...


:lmao:
 
BonoFox1 said:
A young Irish girl goes into her priest on Saturday morning for confession.

"Father, forgive me for I have Thinned."

"You've Thinned?"

"Yes, I met Adam of U2, we went out Friday night. He held me hand twice, kissed me three times, and made love to me two times."

"Daughter! I want you to go straight home, squeeze seven lemons into a glass, and drink it straight down."

"Will that wash away me Thin?"

"No, but it will get the silly smile off your face."


:evil:
Click to expand...

Can we change the name to Bono instead?

:wink:
 
Great jokes:laugh:

Here are some old jokes i know...not very funny:

After a successfully gig in Alaska U2 decided to stay there for a week and relax. Larry and Adam went out hunting, Bono and Edge were at home, working on a song. Suddenly the phone rang. It was Adam.
"Bono, Bono, a terrible accident has happened to Larry", said Adam.
"Oh no, what's happened?" said Bono.
"We suddenly met a bear and he got really angry and attacked us. We ran and Larry tried to climb up a tree but half-way up he slipped, and fell. The bear is gone now but I think Larry's dead."
Ok, calm down", said Bono. "The first thing you have to do is make sure he's dead."
There was a pause, followed by the sound of a gun-shot.
"I'm sure he is dead”, said Adam. “What now?”

After some years U2 are on tour again. In a press conference Bono brags in a booming, bellowing voice: "Two years ago I insured my voice with Lloyds of London for $750,000."
There is a hushed and awed silence. Suddenly, you can hear a reporter. "So what did you do with the money?"
(ok...don't kill me for this joke:wink: not funny)

Bono opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.
He quickly phoned Adam
"Did you see the paper?" asked Bono."They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Adam. "Where are you callin' from?"

Morleigh: My husband Edge is so good he can talk on any subject for an hour.
Ali: That's nothing! My husband can talk for an hour without a subject!
 
Here's one I made up a few months ago (olmost on accident):


Bono, Jesus, and Santa Claus walk into a bar. They sit down and order their drinks. Santa orders hot cocoa, Bono orders a Guinness, and they're just waiting on Jesus to order, when he leans over to Bono and says: "Listen mate, I'm a bit short on cash, so I'll just get some water, and you can turn it into wine."
 
DreamOutLoud13 said:
Here's one I made up a few months ago (olmost on accident):


Bono, Jesus, and Santa Claus walk into a bar. They sit down and order their drinks. Santa orders hot cocoa, Bono orders a Guinness, and they're just waiting on Jesus to order, when he leans over to Bono and says: "Listen mate, I'm a bit short on cash, so I'll just get some water, and you can turn it into wine."
Click to expand...

:lmao:

Good one Chass!! :applaud:
 
BonoFox1 said:
Q. How many members of U2 does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Four:
Bono writes a song asking for deliverance from the dark.

Larry says it doesn't matter if it's light or dark. He's the drummer. Chicks dig him.

Adam wonders if it's worth getting naked when no one can see him

Edge, the mechanical genius, finally changes the bulb.



:edge:-------------:nerd:
Click to expand...

:lmao: love it .
 
It's Christmas time, and U2 have lined up a series of enormous charity gigs. They get together on the day of the first gig to soundcheck and Bono notices that The Edge is looking a bit peaky.
"What's the matter The Edge?" he says.

"Ah look it's nothing Bono" says the guitarist, "It's just - you know that Japanese promotional tour we did last week, right? I think I picked up something, it might be some kind of flu, I'm feeling pretty bad."

"Well, The Edge," replies Bono, "if you want to pull out of the gigs you just say so."

Edge shakes his head. "No, no, no way Bono. These gigs are important to me - I've got to think of the children, not my aching guts."

"That's the spirit The Edge", says Bono, and so that night they take the stage. They play all the hits and the crowd are loving it. For a big climax, because it's for charity, they're going to perform "Do They Know It's Christmas?", but as they get going on the song Edge suddenly feels very ill indeed, and he turns, drops his guitar and sprints towards the back of the stage. But he doesn't quite make it and he throws up, all over Larry Mullen Jr. and his drumkit.

"Jaysis The Edge!" yells Larry, "Those are brand new drums! What the hell are you doing?"

Poor Edge is mortified. "Aw Larry, I - I - I couldn't help myself, I'm so sorry, it's this flu."

Bono calls a band meeting after the gig. "The Edge, that was disgusting, I don't think you should be playing tomorrow night, you know, you're not well."

"No, Bono, it won't happen again, honestly, I'm so sorry - and you know, the show must go on."

So Bono agrees and when the gig kicks off the next night Edge is up there on stage, riffing away. The gig's going really well, no problems, but then as "Do They Know It's Christmas" starts Edge begins to feel sick. He desperately tries to hold it down but it's no good, and makes a dash for the side of the stage, only getting as far as Adam Clayton, who he vomits over. Copiously.

"Me best leather waistcoat!" howls Adam Clayton, "The Edge you're more beast than man!"

Edge is white as a sheet. "Oh no, Adam, I'm sorry, I couldn't be more sorry."

Bono is furious after the gig. "The Edge you've gone too far this time, you've ruined another gig. I've just been on the phone to Sting, he can fill in tomorrow, you've got to rest up."

Edge is almost in tears, "Please Bono no, this gig means so much to me, I know I've got it all out my system now, I'll be great tomorrow I promise, you have to let me play."

"OK The Edge one last chance, but if there's any more antics like the last two nights then that's it, the end, you're out of U2."

The next day Edge takes lots of vitamins and he's feeling fine. The gig starts and it's amazing, the best U2 gig ever, even "Discotheque" sounds alright. Bono's really pleased, Edge is happy. They start "Do They Know It's Christmas" and Bono moves over to stand shoulder to shoulder with his buddy and realy belt the tune out. Suddenly Edge doesn't feel too good. His face is contorting, he's struggling like mad but it's no use - he turns to Bono with a look of desperation and suddenly hacks up an enormous greenie right in Bono's face.

The song stops. Edge is paralysed with horror - "Bono I can explain, I'm truly sorry, you can't believe how sorry I am."

Bono wipes the snot off, turns to Edge, and says

"Well, tonight thank God it's phlegm instead of spew."




*instead of Tonight that God it's them instead of you*..:shifty:
 
BonoFox1 said:
It's Christmas time, and U2 have lined up a series of enormous charity gigs. They get together on the day of the first gig to soundcheck and Bono notices that The Edge is looking a bit peaky.
"What's the matter The Edge?" he says.

"Ah look it's nothing Bono" says the guitarist, "It's just - you know that Japanese promotional tour we did last week, right? I think I picked up something, it might be some kind of flu, I'm feeling pretty bad."

"Well, The Edge," replies Bono, "if you want to pull out of the gigs you just say so."

Edge shakes his head. "No, no, no way Bono. These gigs are important to me - I've got to think of the children, not my aching guts."

"That's the spirit The Edge", says Bono, and so that night they take the stage. They play all the hits and the crowd are loving it. For a big climax, because it's for charity, they're going to perform "Do They Know It's Christmas?", but as they get going on the song Edge suddenly feels very ill indeed, and he turns, drops his guitar and sprints towards the back of the stage. But he doesn't quite make it and he throws up, all over Larry Mullen Jr. and his drumkit.

"Jaysis The Edge!" yells Larry, "Those are brand new drums! What the hell are you doing?"

Poor Edge is mortified. "Aw Larry, I - I - I couldn't help myself, I'm so sorry, it's this flu."

Bono calls a band meeting after the gig. "The Edge, that was disgusting, I don't think you should be playing tomorrow night, you know, you're not well."

"No, Bono, it won't happen again, honestly, I'm so sorry - and you know, the show must go on."

So Bono agrees and when the gig kicks off the next night Edge is up there on stage, riffing away. The gig's going really well, no problems, but then as "Do They Know It's Christmas" starts Edge begins to feel sick. He desperately tries to hold it down but it's no good, and makes a dash for the side of the stage, only getting as far as Adam Clayton, who he vomits over. Copiously.

"Me best leather waistcoat!" howls Adam Clayton, "The Edge you're more beast than man!"

Edge is white as a sheet. "Oh no, Adam, I'm sorry, I couldn't be more sorry."

Bono is furious after the gig. "The Edge you've gone too far this time, you've ruined another gig. I've just been on the phone to Sting, he can fill in tomorrow, you've got to rest up."

Edge is almost in tears, "Please Bono no, this gig means so much to me, I know I've got it all out my system now, I'll be great tomorrow I promise, you have to let me play."

"OK The Edge one last chance, but if there's any more antics like the last two nights then that's it, the end, you're out of U2."

The next day Edge takes lots of vitamins and he's feeling fine. The gig starts and it's amazing, the best U2 gig ever, even "Discotheque" sounds alright. Bono's really pleased, Edge is happy. They start "Do They Know It's Christmas" and Bono moves over to stand shoulder to shoulder with his buddy and realy belt the tune out. Suddenly Edge doesn't feel too good. His face is contorting, he's struggling like mad but it's no use - he turns to Bono with a look of desperation and suddenly hacks up an enormous greenie right in Bono's face.

The song stops. Edge is paralysed with horror - "Bono I can explain, I'm truly sorry, you can't believe how sorry I am."

Bono wipes the snot off, turns to Edge, and says

"Well, tonight thank God it's phlegm instead of spew."




*instead of Tonight that God it's them instead of you*..:shifty:
Click to expand...

That is thee worst joke but I absolutely loved it! :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
 
BonoFox1 said:
Q: If Edge was to do a strip, what song would he choose for it?

A: You can leave your hat on!!!!
Click to expand...

:lol: I like this one. heh.
 
I heard this on a jay leno monolouge once

"Patrick Swayze is angry at U2 singer Bono because he swears that hes the original inventor of the mullet while Bono says he is the originator...heres my question? why are they really fighting about who invented the mullet???"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

K
U2 Show Logistics Question/Theories
Replies
7
Views
729
lazarus
lazarus
cobl04
Kiss the Future documentary
Replies
11
Views
3K
MrsSpringsteen
MrsSpringsteen
dan_smee
U2 - the lost album
Replies
4
Views
1K
gvox
gvox
D
Paul Epworth provides some interesting insight into U2's songwriting process.
Replies
24
Views
2K
An Cat Gav
An Cat Gav
A
The little stranger chapter 12
Replies
0
Views
727
annj
A

Latest posts

Back
Top Bottom