macphistofly
Babyface
Dear Interferencers,
I know I haven't been around long and I don't post often as I should maybe, but I've seen a lot of compassion and a lot of wonderful advice given in this forum, so please listen to my story and respond in any way you think may help.
For starters, if it helps in any way I'm 25.
The reason I need some help is because I'm thinking about ending my marriage. I'm scared to death and I haven't slept right, ate right, or anything. I haven't cheated on my wife nor has she cheated on me. We have only been married two months and together for two years.
I'm thinking about ending it because I'm in love with someone else and have been for over a year, but for many obvious reasons I have never slept with or been intimate with this person. The glaring problem here is the fact that I am falling deeper and deeper in love with this person with the passing of every day.
I first saw this woman about a year before I met my wife in a class at my college. She was/is gorgeous and I was painfully attracted to her. I never had the courage to talk to her but I never missed a day of that class and I was never the same after that. A year later I met my wife in a class and had put the other woman to the back of my mind.
About seven or eight months later I go to work one night and guess whose first day it was... So I was now working with my dream woman and feeling very strange and guilty for still being attracted to her. I tried to find things about her to dislike and would not talk to her or be friendly with her because of my guilt and I carried on like this for about six months and then I told myself that I was being rediculous so I talked to her and we hit it off and became very close friends. I never told her how I really felt and I thought that maybe if I proposed to my girlfriend that it would stop all of these feelings from growing. So I asked my girlfriend to marry me and she accepted. The feelings subsided for a while and I thought I had done the right thing.
However, when it came time to make out wedding invitations I couldn't bring myself to make one for my friend (Sam.) It was stupid but I didn't want her to see me get married. Begrudgingly I made her one at the last minute and it was the hardest thing to give her that thing. The old feelings came back and about three months before the wedding I nearly had a nervous breakdown because of how I felt inside, I though it was some kind of test and I was in a dark, dark, place on the inside and very fake on the outside. But I thought it was the right thing to do so I put my feelings for Sam aside once more.
Two months ago I was married and I have never been more emotionally fucked up... And lost and so last week I walked Sam to her car and told her I didn't know why I was telling her but I was/am in love with her. I was expecting to get slapped, and then maybe I wouldn't be writing this. Instead she could barely stand or breathe because she was overcome with intense emotions and she told me that she felt the same way and she reminded me of when I had told her about my engagement to my wife that she had cried not out of joy but out of pain and sorrow in her heart. We held eachother forever and cried and we are both scared and she told me that if I stayed with my wife she would understand and if I left her she would understand as well.
I'm good at stuffing my emotions if anyone is wondering why my wife didn't suspect anything. Also my parents and my wifes parents both went through ugly divorces and we have many things in common as far as stuff we like to do: camping, outdoorsy stuff etc... Basically she likes everything I like and She likes it because I do and in a way that doesn't seem right. So do I leave her for an uncertain future where my conscience is unburdened. Or do I fight these emotions until they subside (if they ever do) I don't know, I feel like an asshole for having these thoughts and feelings and this huge problem in my life. I never asked for it and wouldn't wish it on anyone.
My wife is naieve and innocent, she clings to me and cannot be without me, she is very trustworthy and has a huge heart (which makes this all the more difficult) But our love life is lukewarm at best and I am a very passionate person.
Sam is independant, creative, opinionated, intellectual and yet she is not a cold person she has a very deep sense of morality and is not pressuring me to leave my wife for her instead she has offered kind advice and a shoulder to cry on.
I haven't slept right in two weeks and I am a mess, I have finals tommorw, tough finals nonetheless and this is hanging over me like nothing has ever hung over me before. Any advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated. I know that just because my friend feels the same about me as I do about her that that doesn't mean we would have a great relationship or any relationship after all of this is said and done. This could be the biggest mistake of my life if I go through with it. It could also be a wonderous turning point. Help...
Thank you for your time if you have read this...
I know I haven't been around long and I don't post often as I should maybe, but I've seen a lot of compassion and a lot of wonderful advice given in this forum, so please listen to my story and respond in any way you think may help.
For starters, if it helps in any way I'm 25.
The reason I need some help is because I'm thinking about ending my marriage. I'm scared to death and I haven't slept right, ate right, or anything. I haven't cheated on my wife nor has she cheated on me. We have only been married two months and together for two years.
I'm thinking about ending it because I'm in love with someone else and have been for over a year, but for many obvious reasons I have never slept with or been intimate with this person. The glaring problem here is the fact that I am falling deeper and deeper in love with this person with the passing of every day.
I first saw this woman about a year before I met my wife in a class at my college. She was/is gorgeous and I was painfully attracted to her. I never had the courage to talk to her but I never missed a day of that class and I was never the same after that. A year later I met my wife in a class and had put the other woman to the back of my mind.
About seven or eight months later I go to work one night and guess whose first day it was... So I was now working with my dream woman and feeling very strange and guilty for still being attracted to her. I tried to find things about her to dislike and would not talk to her or be friendly with her because of my guilt and I carried on like this for about six months and then I told myself that I was being rediculous so I talked to her and we hit it off and became very close friends. I never told her how I really felt and I thought that maybe if I proposed to my girlfriend that it would stop all of these feelings from growing. So I asked my girlfriend to marry me and she accepted. The feelings subsided for a while and I thought I had done the right thing.
However, when it came time to make out wedding invitations I couldn't bring myself to make one for my friend (Sam.) It was stupid but I didn't want her to see me get married. Begrudgingly I made her one at the last minute and it was the hardest thing to give her that thing. The old feelings came back and about three months before the wedding I nearly had a nervous breakdown because of how I felt inside, I though it was some kind of test and I was in a dark, dark, place on the inside and very fake on the outside. But I thought it was the right thing to do so I put my feelings for Sam aside once more.
Two months ago I was married and I have never been more emotionally fucked up... And lost and so last week I walked Sam to her car and told her I didn't know why I was telling her but I was/am in love with her. I was expecting to get slapped, and then maybe I wouldn't be writing this. Instead she could barely stand or breathe because she was overcome with intense emotions and she told me that she felt the same way and she reminded me of when I had told her about my engagement to my wife that she had cried not out of joy but out of pain and sorrow in her heart. We held eachother forever and cried and we are both scared and she told me that if I stayed with my wife she would understand and if I left her she would understand as well.
I'm good at stuffing my emotions if anyone is wondering why my wife didn't suspect anything. Also my parents and my wifes parents both went through ugly divorces and we have many things in common as far as stuff we like to do: camping, outdoorsy stuff etc... Basically she likes everything I like and She likes it because I do and in a way that doesn't seem right. So do I leave her for an uncertain future where my conscience is unburdened. Or do I fight these emotions until they subside (if they ever do) I don't know, I feel like an asshole for having these thoughts and feelings and this huge problem in my life. I never asked for it and wouldn't wish it on anyone.
My wife is naieve and innocent, she clings to me and cannot be without me, she is very trustworthy and has a huge heart (which makes this all the more difficult) But our love life is lukewarm at best and I am a very passionate person.
Sam is independant, creative, opinionated, intellectual and yet she is not a cold person she has a very deep sense of morality and is not pressuring me to leave my wife for her instead she has offered kind advice and a shoulder to cry on.
I haven't slept right in two weeks and I am a mess, I have finals tommorw, tough finals nonetheless and this is hanging over me like nothing has ever hung over me before. Any advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated. I know that just because my friend feels the same about me as I do about her that that doesn't mean we would have a great relationship or any relationship after all of this is said and done. This could be the biggest mistake of my life if I go through with it. It could also be a wonderous turning point. Help...
Thank you for your time if you have read this...
