Mark Prindles review on HTDAAB:
If you're "all about" listening to bands with no new ideas at all, the new U2 album will rock your ass to town! Quite a task for a band that doesn't actually play "ROCK" music at all. Their two attempts to do so on this release are hilariously misguided ("Vertigo" is so fuckin' lame, for example, that I've taken to referring to it as "what passes for 'rockin'' to U2 fans"), but even their patented audience manipulation audio-beauty ballads fail and fail and fail this time around. However, you'd be amazed by how much it sounds like U2! As such, it's being declared a great new U2 album.
Their goal is pretty clear -- make a simple, obvious album that will please fans of simple, obvious U2 music, and pile on as many pretty piano notes, electronic washes and echoey "vintage U2" guitars as possible in an attempt to mask a truly pathetic absence of melodic ideas. But you know what they say -- you can spend all day piling make-up and rouge onto a corpse, but your dick's still gonna wind up smelling like a corpse! Yes, Bono still has a beautiful voice and yes that Edge guitar-tone will break hearts from Daytona to Anotyad, but where are the SONGS???? Where is the "New Year's Day"? Where is the "Beautiful Day"? Where is the "With Or Without You"? Actually, I can answer that one. It's in "Miracle Drug," a new 'composition' based on the "With Or Without You" bass line. Actually, in a larger sense, this whole album can be seen as a series of U2 rewrites. Brilliantly produced, full of wonderful tones, moods, jangles, oooo's and love, but no new hooks to be found beneath the lush veneer. By the last three songs, they don't even bother trying to be pretty -- it's just "the same old shit ballads" to fill out the rest of the running time. (Try singing "Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses?" when the chorus of "Original Of The Species" comes along. Actually better yet -- try NOT singing "Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses" -- it's the SAME FUCKING MELODY!!!!)
I should add that I'm feeling very strange right now. I've drank a ton of vodka over the past two days, then I accidentally slept until 3 PM today, because I couldn't wake myself up from my usual series of horrific, endless nightmares. (Actually, last night's started as an entertaining comedy, but as usual turned into an abusive blast of fearmongering - this time centered around a 'Brain Snatchers'-type concept). And since I woke up (three and a half hours ago), I've still felt really bizarre and drunk, talking to people I shouldn't talk to, weaving around, losing my train of thought, dancing and singing in public -- then I came home, put on the new U2 album starting at track 3 and just LOVED it! I mean I LOVED it!!! It was audio bliss and heaven and everything you could ever want!!! But then it started getting boring, boringer and boringest until I became completely disenchanted. I still feel wasted though and intend to get even more wasted tonight to celebrate the new year and being drunk. So the idea of reviewing the album in this state of mind is probably not a good one. For all I know, I'm not even listening to the right CD. The new U2 album IS called Elvis Is Everywhere! maxi-single, right? Yeah I know - and it SUCKS! What's with this "Elvis Is Everywhere" shit, Bono? Christ! You think that's funny? How is that funny? Jesus! Man! Wow! How is that funny? That's not funny! Christ! Jesus! Man! Holy I mean - WOW! I mean, jesus! Did you - wow? Huh? Man! Christ! I mean, look at -- I mean, holy -- look at -- wow! Where is - holy, I mean WOW! AOK! AOL? Whoa! I mean, look at the -- this isn't some kinda -- I mean, MAN! THis is - WOW!
So let's look at the true positives on this CD -- (a) it sounds fucking AMAZING when you're wasted, (b) the recurring guitar motif in "Crumbs From Your Table" is just beyond gorgeous and heartwarming (and the echoey chimey chorus is nice too!), (c) "Love And Peace Or Else" is a true Gruever! The one attempt to break out of the U2 comfort zone and do something a bit different, this one is a groovy swingin' number that (once the fucking thing finally gets going after a minute and a half of ambient electronic crap) sounds like a high-tech update of the Rattle And Hum Bo Diddley Americana sound, (d) the acoustic punker "All Because Of You" will remind punkers of the Circle Jerks' terrific "When The Shit Hits The Fan" song -- because it's damn near a complete ripoff of it!!!!, (e) people who have never heard songs before will think these are really great. Because in a sense, they ARE! But in another sense, they've already been written and recorded by U2 already. Several times. And too many of them are slow and don't go anywhere. And the lyrics are boring as shit. And that's what's so great about it!
It's still better than St. Anger though. As a hilarious young man recently wrote on a popular music message board, "Should the cuts on that album even be considered songs? What does it take for something to be a song, really? Because that shit might actually fail the test." HA! Way to go, Liquoramica!
"Take these hands - don't make a fist. Take this mouth - give it a kiss." In this way, Bono is ending the War In Iraq.
Last night, a hilarious man across the street at about 3 AM shouted, "HAPPY NEW YEAR! I LOVE LESBIANS!" I thought to myself, "Oh great, Bridge and Tunnel Crowd, Frat Boys, blah blah etc." but then the guy TOTALLY cracked me up by adding, "HAPPY NEW YEAR! PUT IT IN MY ASS, YOU FUCKING FAGGOT!"
Christ, I don't know. It just struck me as hilarious at the time. Why on Earth would somebody shout that at 3 o'clock in the morning? 4 or 5, sure, but 3? What is he, a living caterer? HA HA! A LIVING CATERER! HA HA!
No hang on, "catheter" is the funny word, not "caterer."
Now I know what you're saying: "But you gave their last album an 8, and it's the same thing!" That's true. But to reevaluate that one would mean listening to it again, and I have no plans to do so. EVER.
http://www.markprindle.com/u2a.htm
If you're "all about" listening to bands with no new ideas at all, the new U2 album will rock your ass to town! Quite a task for a band that doesn't actually play "ROCK" music at all. Their two attempts to do so on this release are hilariously misguided ("Vertigo" is so fuckin' lame, for example, that I've taken to referring to it as "what passes for 'rockin'' to U2 fans"), but even their patented audience manipulation audio-beauty ballads fail and fail and fail this time around. However, you'd be amazed by how much it sounds like U2! As such, it's being declared a great new U2 album.
Their goal is pretty clear -- make a simple, obvious album that will please fans of simple, obvious U2 music, and pile on as many pretty piano notes, electronic washes and echoey "vintage U2" guitars as possible in an attempt to mask a truly pathetic absence of melodic ideas. But you know what they say -- you can spend all day piling make-up and rouge onto a corpse, but your dick's still gonna wind up smelling like a corpse! Yes, Bono still has a beautiful voice and yes that Edge guitar-tone will break hearts from Daytona to Anotyad, but where are the SONGS???? Where is the "New Year's Day"? Where is the "Beautiful Day"? Where is the "With Or Without You"? Actually, I can answer that one. It's in "Miracle Drug," a new 'composition' based on the "With Or Without You" bass line. Actually, in a larger sense, this whole album can be seen as a series of U2 rewrites. Brilliantly produced, full of wonderful tones, moods, jangles, oooo's and love, but no new hooks to be found beneath the lush veneer. By the last three songs, they don't even bother trying to be pretty -- it's just "the same old shit ballads" to fill out the rest of the running time. (Try singing "Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses?" when the chorus of "Original Of The Species" comes along. Actually better yet -- try NOT singing "Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses" -- it's the SAME FUCKING MELODY!!!!)
I should add that I'm feeling very strange right now. I've drank a ton of vodka over the past two days, then I accidentally slept until 3 PM today, because I couldn't wake myself up from my usual series of horrific, endless nightmares. (Actually, last night's started as an entertaining comedy, but as usual turned into an abusive blast of fearmongering - this time centered around a 'Brain Snatchers'-type concept). And since I woke up (three and a half hours ago), I've still felt really bizarre and drunk, talking to people I shouldn't talk to, weaving around, losing my train of thought, dancing and singing in public -- then I came home, put on the new U2 album starting at track 3 and just LOVED it! I mean I LOVED it!!! It was audio bliss and heaven and everything you could ever want!!! But then it started getting boring, boringer and boringest until I became completely disenchanted. I still feel wasted though and intend to get even more wasted tonight to celebrate the new year and being drunk. So the idea of reviewing the album in this state of mind is probably not a good one. For all I know, I'm not even listening to the right CD. The new U2 album IS called Elvis Is Everywhere! maxi-single, right? Yeah I know - and it SUCKS! What's with this "Elvis Is Everywhere" shit, Bono? Christ! You think that's funny? How is that funny? Jesus! Man! Wow! How is that funny? That's not funny! Christ! Jesus! Man! Holy I mean - WOW! I mean, jesus! Did you - wow? Huh? Man! Christ! I mean, look at -- I mean, holy -- look at -- wow! Where is - holy, I mean WOW! AOK! AOL? Whoa! I mean, look at the -- this isn't some kinda -- I mean, MAN! THis is - WOW!
So let's look at the true positives on this CD -- (a) it sounds fucking AMAZING when you're wasted, (b) the recurring guitar motif in "Crumbs From Your Table" is just beyond gorgeous and heartwarming (and the echoey chimey chorus is nice too!), (c) "Love And Peace Or Else" is a true Gruever! The one attempt to break out of the U2 comfort zone and do something a bit different, this one is a groovy swingin' number that (once the fucking thing finally gets going after a minute and a half of ambient electronic crap) sounds like a high-tech update of the Rattle And Hum Bo Diddley Americana sound, (d) the acoustic punker "All Because Of You" will remind punkers of the Circle Jerks' terrific "When The Shit Hits The Fan" song -- because it's damn near a complete ripoff of it!!!!, (e) people who have never heard songs before will think these are really great. Because in a sense, they ARE! But in another sense, they've already been written and recorded by U2 already. Several times. And too many of them are slow and don't go anywhere. And the lyrics are boring as shit. And that's what's so great about it!
It's still better than St. Anger though. As a hilarious young man recently wrote on a popular music message board, "Should the cuts on that album even be considered songs? What does it take for something to be a song, really? Because that shit might actually fail the test." HA! Way to go, Liquoramica!
"Take these hands - don't make a fist. Take this mouth - give it a kiss." In this way, Bono is ending the War In Iraq.
Last night, a hilarious man across the street at about 3 AM shouted, "HAPPY NEW YEAR! I LOVE LESBIANS!" I thought to myself, "Oh great, Bridge and Tunnel Crowd, Frat Boys, blah blah etc." but then the guy TOTALLY cracked me up by adding, "HAPPY NEW YEAR! PUT IT IN MY ASS, YOU FUCKING FAGGOT!"
Christ, I don't know. It just struck me as hilarious at the time. Why on Earth would somebody shout that at 3 o'clock in the morning? 4 or 5, sure, but 3? What is he, a living caterer? HA HA! A LIVING CATERER! HA HA!
No hang on, "catheter" is the funny word, not "caterer."
Now I know what you're saying: "But you gave their last album an 8, and it's the same thing!" That's true. But to reevaluate that one would mean listening to it again, and I have no plans to do so. EVER.
http://www.markprindle.com/u2a.htm
same old HTDAAB bashing
