Intentionally Cruel Reviews (with apologies to Maddox)

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Zoots

Zoots

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:uhoh:

Beautiful Day - Good song but mere pop fluff compared to past classics!
Stuck In A Moment - What is this... Michael Bolton? :yuck:
Elevation - Disposable pop crap
Walk On - Good song with one terrible line
Kite - Cheesy synths, boring vocals and terrible ending
In A Little While - Adult Contemporary crap
Wild Honey - a what?... monkey swinging from the trees??? :eeklaugh:
Peace On Earth - Good song with cliched message
When I Look At The World - Bside w/ interesting guitar solo
New York - What a complex guitar riff!!! Not!
Grace - zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Vertigo - see Elevation
Miracle Drug - Derivative stuff
Sometimes - Pop Grammy hit with supposedly heavy subject matter :rolleyes:
Love And Peace Or Else - Musically somewhat interesting but lyrical disaster
City Of Blinding Lights - Cheeseball Streets wannabe
All Because Of You - High volume guitar + no substance = empty glass
A Man And A Woman - see In A Little While
Crumbs - Walk On + Electrical Storm + blender
One Step Closer - zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Original Of The Species - see IALW / AMAAW
Yahweh - Totally cheesy Do You Feel Loved ripoff

:dancing:

*goes and hides in a cave*
 
This one is dedicated to XHendrix24...

Zooropa - Pretentious prog rock for the 90s
Babyface - Open the door, let me unpack your case??? :yuck:
Numb - Is this even a song? :down:
Lemon - Corny over-the-top gimmicky crap
Stay - Good song with lazy ass vocals
Daddy's Gonna Pay - Good opening followed by boring song
Some Days - Total disaster in the lyrics dept.
The First Time - snoozefest
Dirty Day - Bono sounds like he's sick or something.
The Wanderer - Not even U2, doesn't fit with anything, sucks.

:shifty:


Why do I get the feeling that I'm either gonna be completely ignored or totally banned?
 
Zootlesque said:
Some Days - Total disaster in the lyrics dept.
Click to expand...

I'm not sure quite what the point is with these, but anyway, I'll contest that. It's got one of my favorite U2 lines ever in it

"some days you can't stand the sight of a puppy"

In fact the whole song is full of good one liners...it's a bit like The Fly that way. In fact, with the exception of a blistering guitar solo, it's a lot like The Fly.

T
 
Some of this I agree with, though not with elevation or vertigo.

Elevation - the album version is far superior and could no way be accused of being pop crap.

Vertigo will go down as an all time U2 classic - no doubt about it
 
Not nearly harsh enough on Miracle drug!!
Not too impressed with the other reviews though, especially of Zooropa!!
 
okay here's my review of Pop

Discotheque - GAY
Do You Feel Loved - more like, Do You Feel Like A Terrible Song
Mofo - oh boy, a song written by a COMPUTER!
If God Will Send His Angels - 'cause we could use them here right now to fix this sad little sketch of a song. "cartoon network turns into the news?" please Bono, you can do better than that
Staring at the Sun - nothing stands out about this song
Last Night on Earth - omg it has the worst bridge in the history of music EVER
Gone - best song on the album but just doesn't measure up to classics
Miami - OMG THIS IS THE WORST SONG EVER WRITTEN!!!!!!!!!
The Playboy Mansion - almost as bad as Miami, except more boring
If You Wear That Velvet Dress - ewww boner sounds like a creepy old man
Please - lacks punch of live version but is overall very disjointed. overrated!
Wake Up Dead Man - anticlimactic ending
 
AtomicBono said:
okay here's my review of Pop

Last Night on Earth - omg it has the worst bridge in the history of music EVER
Click to expand...

I presume you mean the middle 8 rather than the bridge..

If so, I kinda of agree about the album version,

although when they performed it live and Bono improvised throughout that section it was awesome.
 
OK, time to shit on the worst album of all time, The Unforgettable Fire.

A Sort Of Homecoming - Oh come on oh come on this is shit say I.
Pride - Nothing to be proud of here.
Wire - I'm no dope; this song sucks.
The Unforgettable Fire - Remove the 'un'. Totally forgettable.
Promenade - I wonder how much Coca-Cola paid for this ad? U2 are commercial sell-out losers.
4th Of July - Er, where's the song gone?
Bad - Yeah, they got that right.
Indian Summer Sky - Adam, you're not in Echo And The Bunnymen.
Elvis Presley And America - Wow, were they really this low on ideas?
MLK - I don't think this even really counts as a song. I want my money back.
 
Atomic Bono & Axver... :lol: :applaud:

Geez people, stop taking everything so seriously! Of course I don't mean all those nasty things I said about................. your mother.
 
The worst U2 album of all time:

Achtung Baby

Zoo Station - Thanks for singing into a tin can for entire fucking song, Bonehead
Even Better Than The Real Thing - What real thing? Your harmony with The Cutting Edge sucks.
One - :yawn: Call us when you grow your War mini-balls back again.
Until The End Of The World - It was all right until I realized you were singing about Jesus. :mad: Keep your crap band secular, please.
Whose Gonna Give A Crap About Long Titles? - Worst lyrics ever.
So Cruel - Exactly. It's cruel to make anyone listen to this song.
The Fly - Oh God. THIS IS WHAT STARTED THE SUNGLASSES THING, ISN'T IT?! :scream:
Mysterious Ways - It's not all right, it's not all right, it's not all right, it's not all right, you sing in mystically crappy ways.
Try To Keep Your Song Titles Down To 4-5 Words - :yawn: Fish on bicycles? Who are you kidding!
Ultraviolet (Light My Way) - Thanks for dropping your drumsticks mid-song, idiot. Bono, I'll "baby, baby, baby" your face. :mad:
Acrobat - ... You can swallow, you can spit? What kind of homosexual propaganda is this? Are you trying to come out to the world, Bono?!
Love is Blindness - What's with the church organ in the beginning? :down: The rest of it is slightly better, but what a boring album closer. :yawn:
 
:rolleyes:

It's obviously a joke.
The entire thread can be thrown in the can for being an inflammatory post.

Lighten up a bit.
 
my review of Rattle and Hum:

Helter Skelter- nothing like starting an album off with a shitty cover.
Van Dieman's Land- Hold me now?!?! I'd like to hold this CD to a gas burner.
Desire- I have the desire to scratch my ears off.
Hawkmoon 269- They should call the song Bangmyhead 269, cause thats what i did after listening to it, 269 times.
All Along the Watchtower- Oops, i missed this one while i was asleep.
I Still Havent Found What Im Looking For- More like I Still Havent Found the Stomach to Listen to This All the Way Through
Freedom for my People- If only U2 could sound this good.
Silver and Gold- Nothing like a song that is 1/2 a political rant about something nobody gives a shit about.
Pride- SUCKS
Angel of Harlem- More amazing guitar by the Edge, NOT!
Love Rescue Me- I'd love to be rescued from this shit.
When Love Comes to Town- white men trying to be black
Heartland- ZZzzz, im gonna go take a shit now.
God Part II- skipped it after the first 45 seconds, worst song i ever heard. BOORRING! And who gives a shit what you believe in Bone-O?
Star Spangled Banner- at first i thought The Edge was playing this, but then i remembered Edge cant play solos.
Bullet the Blue Sky- Id like to bullet the producers of this album.
All I Want Is You- All I Want is the hour or so of my life i wasted listening to this fucking thing back.

Unfortunatly, i think some will truly agree with this review! :lol:
 
Last edited:
PlaTheGreat said:
The worst U2 album of all time:

Achtung Baby

Try To Keep Your Song Titles Down To 4-5 Words - :yawn: Fish on bicycles? Who are you kidding!
Click to expand...

Ha ha , you're so right.. i HATE that line, I actually get embarassed when I hear it,

possibly even more than baby's heads.
 
The worst debut album in history. Including the shitty debut from whatever pop star you hate the most.

I Will Follow: Actually, I don't think I'll follow this band. I wish they would walk away and never come back.
Twilight: This song should have been left in the shadows where no-one could see it.
An Cat Dubh: Hey, uh, U2, English is the only language you're allowed to use for song titles.
Into The Heart: Bono, the entire album is childish and immature in its execution.
Out Of Control: I've got a feeling this sack of crap is out of control.
Stories For Boys: Nightmares for all people, am I right?
The Ocean: The world would go further if this nothingness had never been created.
A Day Without Me: I'd like a lifetime without this album.
Another Time, Another Place: We lie on a cloud? Give it a try, Bono, go lie on a cloud. Let me know how successful you are.
The Electric Co.: If you don't know, this song is craptastic.
Shadows And Tall Trees: Lord Of The Flies > U2.
 
Bonochick said:


I would advise against telling a moderator to lighten up.
Click to expand...

It just seemed unfair to go ahead and take the piss on my post when someone else had called Discotheque "GAY" only a few posts prior.
I thought there might have been humor involved in the thread. Maybe we can go back to being serious and arguing for real real. It always works out so well!
 
I didn't think it was cool to call "Discotheque" gay, but I figured I'd just let that one go...but I felt yours crossed the line.

Sheesh, people razz on me for reprimanding too much, and now I've basically been told I'm not reprimanding enough! Therefore, it is once again proven that it's impossible for a moderator to please everyone.
 
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