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Old 11-12-2004, 01:56 AM   #1
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a bunch of U2 jokes...

you probably know them, but i thought about posting them anyway. e.


Bono, Edge and Father John were fishing on a lake, near the shore.
After some time, Bono ran out of worms. He stepped out of the boat, walked on water to the shore, and returned soon with more worms. They kept on fishing. The priest watched with amazement but didn't say anything.
Then Edge ran out of worms. He stepped out of the boat, walked on water to the shore and soon returned with worms.
Finally, Father John ran out of worms too.
He thought: 'It's known that Bono can walk on water and Edge must have a strong faith too. Surely my faith must be as strong as that of the members of U2'. He stepped out of the boat and immediately sank.
Bono turned to Edge and said: 'Father John's faith is certainly strong. But he is not familiar with the stones of the shore.'



"Mum, Dad's hanging off the chandelier waving the bedsheet again, he say's it's not a rebel song."



Bono at the After Show Party. The rockstar talks and talks and talks all night long. About U2, his intentions, his lyrics, interests ... But then Bono gets a guilty conscience and says to the other guest: "Well, sorry, enough talk about me and the band. Your turn to talk about yourself .. for example, how do you like our new song?"



A young Irish girl comes to town and goes to the priest.
"Father I have sinned .. I made love with Adam from U2 who gave me a ride to town. ."
"Daughter, say 10 prayers and you will be forgiven"
"Father," she says, "I will say 20 prayers because I will drive back with Bono."



So Bono, Edge, Adam & Larry all walk into a bar.
You'd think one of them would have seen the darn thing.



Bono and The Edge are captured by cannibals one day. Before they are about to be cooked for dinner they are granted one final wish.
Bono says "Hand me a guitar and let me play SATS one last time...".
Edge says "Please kill me before he starts".



Q. How many members of U2 does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Four:
Bono writes a song asking for deliverance from the dark.
Larry says it doesn't matter if it's light or dark. He's the drummer. Chicks dig him.
Adam wonders if it's worth getting naked when no one can see him
Edge, the mechanical genius, finally changes the bulb.



A young Irish girl goes into her priest on Saturday morning for confession.

"Father, forgive me for I have Thinned."

"You've Thinned?"

"Yes, I met Adam of U2, we went out Friday night. He held me hand twice, kissed me three times, and made love to me two times."

"Daughter! I want you to go straight home, squeeze seven lemons into a glass, and drink it straight down."

"Will that wash away me Thin?"

"No, but it will get the silly smile off your face."



At the next big award show:
Bono: "I am here for the environment because.... why am I here again Ali?
(turns round) Oh yeah, because the environment is in danger.... why is it in danger Ali?"...




Q: If Edge was to do a strip, what song would he choose for it?
A: You can Ieave your hat on!!!!



After a successfully gig in Alaska U2 decided to stay there for a week and relax. Larry and Adam went out hunting, Bono and Edge were at home, working on a song. Suddenly the phone rang. It was Adam.
"Bono, Bono, a terrible accident has happened to Larry", said Adam.
"Oh no, what's happened?" said Bono.
"We suddenly met a bear and he got really angry and attacked us. We ran and Larry tried to climb up a tree but half-way up he slipped, and fell. The bear is gone now but I think Larry's dead."
Ok, calm down", said Bono. "The first thing you have to do is make sure he's dead."
There was a pause, followed by the sound of a gun-shot.
"I'm sure he is dead”, said Adam. “What now?”



It is the year 2028, thirty years after Popmart has closed it's doors.
The Edge walks into a bar in Dublin, orders four pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders four more.

The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Edge replies, "Well, you see, since Bono's on Pluto, Adam's on Venus, and Larry's on Mars, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. Edge becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: he orders four pints and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders three pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
Edge looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no." he says, "Everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."




Bono and Father Murphy bet that Bono can’t say Mass. To prove he can they agree that Bono pretends to be the new priest and says Mass next Sunday.

So Bono does. Upon return to the office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

1. One sip of whine. Not the whole cup.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Senior, Junior, and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!

10. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body"; he did not say, Eat me."

11. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".

12. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yea God"
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Old 11-12-2004, 04:14 AM   #2
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thanks, e edge, for brightening up my day!

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Old 11-12-2004, 04:43 AM   #3
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Love them!!!! They are so cute. Thanks for sharing!
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Old 11-12-2004, 05:17 AM   #4
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Thanks, I'm definitely in the mood for jokes.
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Old 11-12-2004, 05:38 AM   #5
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OMG, thank you for this thread e edge!! Your jokes made me laugh so much I'm almost crying on my computer!!
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Old 11-12-2004, 06:49 AM   #6
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i always loved the last one hehe
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Old 11-12-2004, 12:07 PM   #7
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lol
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Old 11-14-2004, 09:18 AM   #8
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thank you for those, those were an awesome read.
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Old 11-14-2004, 09:22 AM   #9
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hahaha, thanks, they're great!
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Old 11-16-2004, 02:46 AM   #10
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haha..those are rad..i love a good joke now & then.my favorite was the lightbulb joke
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Old 11-16-2004, 02:53 AM   #11
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Old 11-16-2004, 03:57 AM   #12
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My favorites - the SATS one, the "I'm going back with Bono so I will say 20 prayers" one and the last one
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Old 11-16-2004, 09:15 AM   #13
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I like the "how do you like our new song?" most!
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