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Old 02-24-2006, 02:07 AM   #106
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what's wrong vg
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Old 02-24-2006, 02:07 AM   #107
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^^ VG isn't it like 2am there?
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Old 02-24-2006, 02:09 AM   #108
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nothing i'm just...frustrated

yeah it is john
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Old 02-24-2006, 02:10 AM   #109
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^ Why are you up?
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Old 02-24-2006, 02:13 AM   #110
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good question

i can't sleep. i can't write. i can't find a single song that i feel like listening to. i hate the way my bed is angled in my room. i miss the way that at my dad's apartment i could lie in bed and see his car pull in at night from where i was lying. i miss the frozen pizzas. i'm not making sense.
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Old 02-24-2006, 02:14 AM   #111
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aww vg
you're making more sense than I am
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Old 02-24-2006, 02:17 AM   #112
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thanks...how are you not making sense though?

and i still don't understand how such a stupid simple thing like the sight of a car pulling in a certain way...how i could miss it so much
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Old 02-24-2006, 02:19 AM   #113
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^
I understand it

you know I was with my parents this weekend and I heard the tea kettle. a sound I didn't realize i hadn't heard in years but it reminds me of falling asleep as a kid

my mom stayed up till all hours drinking tea with an old fashioned kettle it was comforting oddly. I heard it and shut my eyes
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Old 02-24-2006, 02:20 AM   #114
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< Just got breakfast

Nice rant VG
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Old 02-24-2006, 02:24 AM   #115
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i guess i see what you mean. i dont know

thats cool you were able to hear that after so many years..did you have a good weekend?
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Old 02-24-2006, 02:26 AM   #116
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no my parents drive me insane truly

i wish they'd seperated when I was young seeing them together is painful they're so miserable but I think they prefer it that way. My childhood sucked but it's the little things that take you back i guess

anyone else think that smilie laughs too fast
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Old 02-24-2006, 02:35 AM   #117
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^ That sucks you had a bad childhood

And ye it does
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Old 02-24-2006, 02:36 AM   #118
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i don't know whether to do the laugh or the hug smiley and i sort of hate those smileys at the moment so i won't post either. heh

i hate that my parents are together. i think that's half the reason i feel "this" way whatever that is...it's like i looked through my 2nd grade diary and i wanted it then. i was so much happier living with my dad. he was happier too. the only reason they live together is because they can't afford to divorce or keep two residences or whatever. i knew it was true and i told my dad that and he admitted it. and even though i know it i hate that he admitted it because i hate it. they're always fighting and last night in particular...and my mom shot my dad this sort of stormy glare. i can't explain it but it reminded me of the kind of look she would send me or him when i was younger when she was dry and mad, and its not just hurtful but it was really scary then, and it just reminded me of that and i just like went in the bathroom and cried. i need to stop thinking so much, i need to stop letting everything remind me of something else. because i'm really really happy with so much in my life but there are just certain things and times where i'm so unhappy and i can't even say why or what
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Old 02-24-2006, 02:37 AM   #119
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I'm sorry really I understand
have you thought of picking up that book I recommended?


If you can't find it at the library let me know and I'll send you mine
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Old 02-24-2006, 02:43 AM   #120
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i know you do...thanks

i've thought about it but haven't found time...hopefully i can go to the library or bookstore soon.

i'm shivering or shaking right now. lol
i think i'm going to try to go to bed again...thanks again and sorry to be so obnoxiously self-pitying once again... i don't mean to.
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