You can see the sea: The Fawlty Towers appreciation thread. - U2 Feedback

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Old 05-05-2005, 12:37 AM   #1
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You can see the sea: The Fawlty Towers appreciation thread.

I am convinced that Fawlty Towers is the greatest and funniest TV show ever made, so in the spirit of things, I thought I'd make an appreciation thread. After all, this is a little more appropriate than hijacking a U2 Survivor thread on EYKIW to tell Fawlty Towers jokes, as has been done before.

So ... here's one of my favourites jokes, from the episode Communication Problems (otherwise known to many as the Mrs Richards episode).

Basil and the hearing impaired Mrs Richards are up in the room she booked, arguing because she's dissatisfied.

Mrs Richards: And another thing, I asked for a room with a view

Basil: Deaf, mad, and blind. This is the view as far as I can remember, madam ... yes, yes, this is the view.

R: I expected something more interesting than that.

B: That is Torquay, madam.

R: That's not good enough.

B: Well may I ask what you were expecting to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House, perhaps? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically -

R: Don't be silly. I expected to be able to see the sea.

B: You can see the sea. It's over there between the land and the sky.

R: I'd need a telescope to see that.

B: Well may I suggest that you consider moving to a hotel closer to the sea or preferably in it.

R: Now listen to me. I'm not satisfied, but I've decided to stay here. However, I shall expect a reduction.

B: Why? Because Krakatoa's not erupting at the moment?
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Old 05-05-2005, 05:30 AM   #2
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Old 05-05-2005, 05:31 AM   #3
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Old 05-05-2005, 05:33 AM   #4
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Guest - "Anywhere they do French food?"

Basil - "YES - France I believe, they seem to like it there...and a swim would certainly sharpen your appetite, tho you'd better hurry the tide leaves in 6 minutes"!!
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Old 05-05-2005, 05:34 AM   #5
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I have now set up camp in this thread!
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Old 05-05-2005, 05:37 AM   #6
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By the way Axver and fellow F.T fans, I have the great fortune to live in Paignton which is the town next to Torquay, where the legendary hotel was supposed to be set.
I have also stayed one weekend, in the Gleneagles Hotel in Torquay, where J.C and the other Pythons had the misfortune of coming across the worst hotel manager they had ever seen, who was also, THE RUDEST too. And of course, where John subsequently got the idea for F.T

Yes - I live just a 10 minute drive from this hotel, but I just HAD to go and stay there one weekend!!
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Old 05-05-2005, 05:38 AM   #7
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Guest - "You're looking very cheerful this morning Mr Fawlty"..

Basil - "Yes well 1 of the guests has just died"!!
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Old 05-05-2005, 05:50 AM   #8
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[Basil hurries bad-temperedly into the lobby. Melbury is standing there.]

Basil: Yes, yes, well, yes?
Melbury: ...Er, well, I was wondering if you could offer me accomodation for a few
nights?
Basil: [very cross] Well, have you booked?
Melbury: No.
Basil: [to himself] Oh dear !
Melbury: Why, are you full?
Basil: Oh, we're not full... we're not full... of course we're not full!!
Melbury: I'd like, er...
Basil: One moment, one moment, please... yes?
Melbury: A single room with a...
Basil: Your name, please, could I have your name?
Melbury: Melbury.

[The phone rings; Basil picks it up.]

Basil: [to Melbury] One second please. [to phone] Hello? ...Ah, yes Mr O'Reilly, well
it's perfectly simple. When I asked you to build me a wall I was rather hoping that instead
of just dumping the bricks in a pile you might have found time to cement them together...
you know, one on top of another, in the traditional fashion. [to Melbury, testily] Could you
fill it in, please? [to phone] Oh, splendid! Ah, yes, but when, Mr O'Reilly? [to Melbury, who
is having difficulty with the register] there - there!! [to phone] Yes, but when ? Yes, yes...
ah! ...the flu! [to Melbury] Both names, please. [to phone] Yes, I should have guessed,
Mr. O'Reilly that and the potato famine I suppose...
Melbury: I beg your pardon?
Basil: Would you put both your names, please? ...[to phone] Well, will you give me a date?
Melbury: Er... I only use one.
Basil: [with a withering look] You don't have a first name?
Melbury: No, I am Lord Melbury, so I simply sign myself 'Melbury'.

[There is a long, long pause.]

Basil: [to phone] Go away. [puts phone down] ... I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting, your
lordship... I do apologise, please forgive me. Now, was there something, is there something,
anything, I can do for you? Anything at all?
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Old 05-05-2005, 05:58 AM   #9
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Old 05-05-2005, 06:02 AM   #10
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[Ronald, a young boy, complains about the fries.]

Ronald: "They're the wrong shape."
Basil: "Oh dear. What shape do you usually have? Mickey Mouse shape? Smarties shape? Amphibious landing craft shape? Poke in the eye shape?"
Ronald: "God ur dumb"
Basil: "Is there something else we can get you instead sonny?"
Ronald: "I'd like some bread and salad cream"
Basil: "To EAT?....Well, there's the bread and there's the mayonaise"
Ronald: "I said SALAD CREAM stupid.....that's puke that is"
Basil: "Well at least it's FRESH puke"!!


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Old 05-05-2005, 06:02 AM   #11
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Old 05-05-2005, 06:06 AM   #12
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[Mr and Mrs Abbott are checking in.]

Basil: And Mrs Abbott, how do you do?
Mr Abbott: Doctor Abbott, actually.
Basil: I'm sorry?
Mr Abbott: Doctor Abbott.
Mrs Abbott: Two doctors!
Basil: You are two doctors?
Mrs Abbott: Yes.
Basil: Well, how did you become two doctors? That's most unusual. I mean, did you take the exams twice, or ...?
Mr Abbott: No, my wife is a doctor.
Mrs Abbott: I'm a doctor!
Basil: You're a doctor, too! So you're three doctors.
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Old 05-05-2005, 06:07 AM   #13
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[Basil is dealing with American Mr Hamilton in the dining room.]

Mr Hamilton: Could you make me a Waldorf Salad?
Basil: Oh, ... ah, ... wa?
Mr Hamilton: Waldorf Salad?
Basil: I think we are just out of Waldorfs.

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Old 05-05-2005, 06:12 AM   #14
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[Basil is looking for the ingredients for a Waldorf salad in the kitchen.]

Sybil: If you'd just look.
Basil: I have looked. There's no celery, there's no grapes, ... walnuts! That's a laugh, easier to find a packet of sliced hippopotamus in suitcase sauce than a walnut in this bloody kitchen.

Sybil: Now, we've got apples.
Basil: Oh, terrific! Let's celebrate! We'll have an apple party: Everybody brings his own apple and stuffs it down somebody's throat.
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Old 05-05-2005, 06:16 AM   #15
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[The guests have already arrived for the anniversary, but Sybil has disappeared.]

Basil: They're here, they're here! What do I say? ... What am I going to say?
Polly: Oh ... say she's ... er...um...
Basil: She's "er, um" ... oh, brilliant! Problem solved. She's "er, um".
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