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Old 05-14-2003, 01:19 PM   #1
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Y'All Can't do that in the USA

Here is the "companion thread" to the bizarre Canadian Laws thread.....

Alabama
a.. It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
b.. Brewerton: Use of motor boats forbidden on city streets.

Alaska
a.. It is forbidden to push a moose out of a plane in motion.
b.. It is against the law to look at a moose from an airplane.
c.. Fairbanks: No moose is allowed to have sex on city streets.

Arizona
a.. Glendale: It is against the law for a car to back up.
b.. Mohave County: Anyone caught stealing a soap, must wash himself with it, until it's all used up.

Arkansas
a.. A man has a legal right to beat his wife, but only once a month.
b.. It's illegal to mispronounce the name of the state (ie of course Arkansas).
c.. Little Rock: Flirtation between the members of the opposite sex on the streets may result in a 30-day jail term....

California
a.. A woman cannot drive a car while she is dressed in a house-coat.
b.. It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license.
c.. It is illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.
d.. Belvedere: "No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash."
e.. Blythe: A person must own at least two cows before he is permitted to wear cowboy boots in public.
f.. Hollywood: It is illegal to drive more than 2000 sheep down Hollywood Bouleward simultanously.
g.. L.A.: A man can legally beat his wife with a leather strap, as long as it is less than two inches wide, or she gives him permission to use a wider strap, preferably in advance.
h.. L.A.: You cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.
i.. L.A.: If robbing a bank, shooting at the teller with a water gun is prohibited.
j.. Okland: Illegal to rob a birds nest from a public cemetery.
k.. Ventura County: Cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.

Colorado
a.. Denver: It is illegal to mistreat rats.
b.. Logan County: Illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.
c.. Pueblo: Illegal to raise or permit a dandelion to grow within the city limits.
d.. Sterling: Unlawful to allow a pet cat to run loose without a taillight.

Connecticut
a.. You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.
b.. Harford: Crossing the street walking on your hands is not allowed.
c.. Hartford: Illegal to educate dogs.

Delaware
a.. Lowes Crossroads: It is a violation of the local law for any pilot or passenger to carry an ice cream cone in their pocket while either flying or waiting to board a plane.

District of Colombia
a.. It is unlawful for small boys to throw stones, at any time, at any place.
b.. Washington: The only acceptable sexual position is the missionary-style position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.

Florida
a.. Illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to parachute on Sunday afternoons.
b.. Rats are forbidden from leaving the ships docked in Tampa Bay.
c.. An elephants tied to a parking meter must pay a regular parking fee.
d.. Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, and som may the salon owner.
e.. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
f.. Hunting and killing a dear while swimming is illegal.
g.. You're not allowed to break more than three dishes a day, or chip the edge off more than four cups and/or saucers.
h.. Miami: Illegal to go around imitating animals.
i.. Saratoga: Illegal to sing while wearing a bathing suit.

Georgia
a.. It's unlawful for a barber to advertise his prices.
b.. It is a misdemeanor for any citizen to attend church worship on Sunday unless he is equipped with a rifle and it is loaded.
c.. Jonesboro: Forbidden to say "Oh, boy".

Idaho
a.. Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
b.. Coeur d'Alene: If police officers suspect a couple is having sex inside a vehicle they must honk their horn three times, and wait two minutes before being allowed to approach the scene.
c.. Idaho Falls: Forbidden for anyone over the age of eighty-eight to ride a motorcycle.
d.. Wallace: Unlawful for anyone to sleep in a dog kennel.

Illinois
a.. Women must address bachelors as master instead of mister.
b.. It is against the law to speak English in Illinois.
c.. Prohibited to drive a car without a steering wheel.
d.. Chicago: Eating in a place that is on fire is forbidden.
e.. Cicero: Humming on public streets on Sundays prohibited.
f.. Evanston: Unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.
g.. Kenilworth: Roosters must be at least three hundred feet away from any residence if he wishes to crow. Hens that wish to cackle must be two hundred feet away from any residence.
h.. Oblong: It is a crime to make love while fishing or hunting on your wedding day.
i.. Urbana: No monster may enter the corporate limits.
j.. Zion: Illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets.

Indiana
a.. Bathing is prohibited during the winter.
b.. Citizens are not allowed to attend a movie house or theater nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic.
c.. Elkhart: It is illegal for a barber to threaten to cut off a youngster's ears.

Iowa
a.. No kiss may last more than five minutes.
b.. Aimes: A husband may not take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with his wife, or holding her hands.
c.. Ottumwa: "It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unaquainted."

Kansas
a.. Wichita: A father cannot frighten his daughter's boyfriend with a gun.

Kentucky
a.. "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club."
b.. An ammendment to the above law: "The provisions of this statuate shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses."
c.. Forbidden to appear on the streets of any town or village in bathing dress without police protection.
d.. Transport of an ice cream cone in your pocket is prohibited.
e.. Anyone who has been drinking is sober until s/he "cannot hold onto the ground".
f.. Everyone must take a bath at least once a year.

Louisiana
a.. In Louisiana, biting someone with your natural teeth is considered 'simple assault' while biting someone with your false teeth is 'aggravated assault'.
Maine
a.. Rumford: Illegal to bite the landlord, no matter how much he deserves it.

Maryland
a.. It is illegal to mistreat oysters.
b.. Baltimore: Illegal to wash or scrub sinks, no matter how dirty they get.
c.. Baltimore: Illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city limits.
d.. Baltimore: Illegal to take a lion to the movies.
e.. Halethrope: Illegal to kiss for more than one second.

Massachusetts
a.. Christmas was outlawed in 1659.
b.. It is forbidden to put tomatoes in clam chowder.
c.. It is unlawful to deliver diapers on Sunday, regardless of emergencies.
d.. All dogs required to have their hind legs tied during the month of April.
e.. Cooling one's feet by hanging them out the window is forbidden.
f.. Law declares that peanuts may not be eaten in court.
g.. Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
h.. Snoring is illigal unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
i.. Goatees are illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.
j.. Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.
k.. Boston: Illegal to take a bath unless one has been ordered by a physician to do so.
l.. Brockton: Any person need a license before they are permitted to enter a sewer.
m.. Fitchburg: Barbers are not allowed to carry combs in back of their ears.
n.. Holyoke: It is unlawful to water your lawn when it is raining.
o.. Salem: Even married couples are forbidden from sleeping nude in rented rooms.
p.. Southbridge: Illegal to read books or newspapers after 8 p.m. in the streets.

Michigan
a.. A woman's hair legally belongs to her husband, consequently she's not allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.
b.. If any man kisses his wife on Sunday, the party at fault shall be punished at the discretion of the court.
c.. Detroit: Couples are not allowed to make love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.
d.. Rochester: Anyone bathing in public must have his or her bathing suit inspected by a police officer.

Minnesota
a.. Alexandria: Illegal for a husband to make love to his wife if his breath smells like garlic, onions, or sardines. The wife can by law force her husband to brush her teeth.
b.. Blue Earth: Law declares that no child under the age of twelve may talk over the telephone unless accompanies by a parent.

Missouri
a.. Kansas City: Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols; they can, however, buy shotguns freely.
b.. Merryville: Women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "The privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."
c.. St. Louis: Illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket.

Montana
a.. Bozeman: You can't perform any sexual acts in the front yard of any home, after sundown, and if you are nude (socks is OK).
b.. Helena: A woman cannot dance on a saloon table unless her clothing weights more than three pounds, two ounces.
Nebraska
a.. A parent can be arrested if his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.
b.. A motorist approaching a horse at night must send up warning red rockets and Roman candles, throw a scenic tarpaulin over his car to conceal it from the horse, and take his machine apart and hide the parts in the grass it the tarpaulin doesn't soothe the horse.
c.. Hastings: Hotel owners are required by law to provide a clean, white cotton nightshirt to each guest. According to the law, no couple may have sex unless they are wearing the nightshirts.
d.. Omaha: It is against the law for a barber to shave a man's chest.

Nevada
a.. It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.
b.. Sex without a condom is considered illegal.
c.. Eureka: Men who wear moustaches are forbidden from kissing women.

New Hampshire
a.. It is against the law to tap your feet, nod your head or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant or cafe.

New Jersey
a.. Cresskill: Cats must wear three bells to warn birds of their whereabouts.
b.. Liberty Corner: Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding the horn during their lustful act, may be taken to jail.
c.. Trenton: Unlawful to throw any tainted pickles in the streets (good pickles, however).

New Mexico
a.. Carlsbad: During lunch breaks no couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains.
b.. Carrizozo: It is forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public (includes legs and face).

New York
a.. Albany: Disallowed to play golf in the streets.
b.. Carmel: A man cannot go outside wearing unmatching jacket and pants.
c.. Greene: Illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalk during a concert.
d.. NYC: Illegal for a man to turn around and look "at a woman in that way", and violators are forced to wear horse blinders.
e.. Rochester: Firemen must wear ties while on duty.

North Carolina
a.. It is illegal to take a dear swimming in water above its knees.
b.. Asheville: You can't sneeze on the streets.
c.. Barber: Cats and dogs are not allowed to fight.
d.. Thomasville: No airplanes are allowed to fly over the town on Sundays during the hours between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m.
e.. Winston-Salem: It is against the law for children under seven years of age to go to college.

North Dakota
a.. Beer and pretzels cannot be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.
b.. Illegal to go to bed wearing boots or shoes.

Ohio
a.. Berea: Any animal that is out after dark must have a tail light.
b.. Cleveland: Women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes.
c.. Cleveland: Operating a motor vehicle while sitting in another person's lap is forbidden.
d.. Oxford: Illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.
e.. Paulding: A policeperson may bite a dog to quiet him.
f.. Portsmouth: The law ranks baseball players with "vagrants, thieves and other suspicious characters."
g.. Youngstown: Running out of gas is illegal.

Oklahoma
a.. Criminals can be fined, arrested or jailed for making faces at a dog.
b.. Whale hunting is strictly forbidden throughout the entire state.
c.. Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.
d.. Dogs need a mayor-signed permit to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
e.. Clinton: Masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car is forbidden.
f.. Tulsa: Kisses lasting more than three minutes are forbidden.
g.. Tulsa: Against the law to open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer.

Oregon
a.. A dead person cannot be required to serve on a jury.
b.. Use of canned corn in fishing is illegal.
c.. Hood River: You can't juggle without a license.
d.. Willowdale: No man may curse while having sex with his wife.

Pennsylvania
a.. "Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue."
b.. Housewives may not hide dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.
c.. No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife.
d.. Danville: All fire hydrants must be checked one hour before all fires.
e.. Harrisburg: Illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth.
f.. York: You can't sit down while watering your lawn with a hose.

Rhode Island
a.. Newport: Illegal to smoke a pipe after sunset.
b.. Province: Illegal to sell toothpaste and toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.
South Carolina
a.. Fountain Inn: Horses were once required to wear pants at all times.

South Dakota
a.. Sioux Falls: Hotels are required by law to furnish their rooms with twin beds only. There should be a minimum of two feet between the beds, and it is illegal for a couple to make love on the floor between the beds.

Tennessee
a.. It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish.
b.. It is illegal to drive a car while sleeping.
c.. You can't shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.
d.. Dyersburg: Illegal for a woman to call a man for a date.
e.. Memphis: Illegal for a woman to drive by herself; "a man must walk or run in front of the vehicle, waving a red flag in order to warn approaching pedestrians and motorists". (ah...and so begins the "women drivers" cliche)
f.. Oneida: Forbidden to sing the song "It Ain't Goin' To Rain No Mo'".

Texas
a.. Criminals are required to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. (what the--???)
b.. Illegal to raise alligators in your home.
c.. When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
d.. You need a five-dollar permit to go barefoot.
e.. Kingsville: Two pigs cannot have sex on the city's airport property.
f.. Lefors: Illegal to take more than three swallows of beer at any time while standing.
g.. San Antonio: Illegal for both sexes to flirt or respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands.

Utah
a.. Birds have the right of way on all highways.
b.. A husband is responsible for every criminal act commited by his wife while she is in his presence.
c.. Utah state legislation outlaws all sex with anyone but your spouse.
d.. Adultery, oral and anal sex, masturbation are considered sodomy and can lead to imprisonment.
e.. Sex with an animal - unless performed for profit - however is NOT considered sodomy.
f.. Polygamy - provided only the missionary position has been applied - is only a misdemeanor.
g.. Tremonton: No woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment.
h.. Trout Creek: Pharmacists may not sell gun powder as a headache cure.

Vermont
a.. It is obligatory for everyone to take at least one bath each week, on Saturday night.
b.. Rutland: Cars are forbidden from backfireing.

Virginia
a.. The statute of The Virginia Code: "To prohibit corrupt practices or bribery by any person other than candidates."
b.. Norfolk: No woman may go in public without wearing a corset.

Washington
a.. All lollipops are forbidden.
b.. Having sex with a virgin is illegal under any circumstances (including the wedding night).
c.. "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town."
d.. Seattle: Goldfish can ride the city buses in bowls only if they kept still.
e.. Seattle: You may not carry a concealed weapon that is longer than six feet.
f.. Wilbur: Illegal to ride upon the streets on an ugly horse.

West Virginia
a.. Children may not attend school if their breath's smelling "wild onions".
b.. Peewee: It is illegal to let your horse fall asleep in the airport.

Wisconsin
a.. Connorsville: No man shall shoot off a gun while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm.
b.. Racine: Illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep.

Wyoming
a.. Newcastle: Couples are banned from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer.
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Old 05-14-2003, 01:37 PM   #2
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Re: Y'All Can't do that in the USA

Quote:
Originally posted by Mrs. Edge
Ohio
b.. Cleveland: Women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes.
Hmm...I'm surprised that a lot more of my friends haven't been thrown in the slammer then.
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Old 05-14-2003, 01:42 PM   #3
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Quote:
Indiana
a.. Bathing is prohibited during the winter.
i hate when summer rolls around, you get so used to not bathing it's a pain in the butt to start up again
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Old 05-14-2003, 01:54 PM   #4
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Re: Y'All Can't do that in the USA

Quote:
Originally posted by Mrs. Edge
Oklahoma
b.. Whale hunting is strictly forbidden throughout the entire state.
As you can see, we're very progressive when it comes to saving endangered species.
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Old 05-14-2003, 01:55 PM   #5
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a.. Criminals are required to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. (what the--???)

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Old 05-14-2003, 01:58 PM   #6
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Re: Y'All Can't do that in the USA

Quote:
Originally posted by Mrs. Edge

New Mexico
a.. Carlsbad: During lunch breaks no couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains.
This has always bugged me--having to wait until dinner and all.
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Old 05-14-2003, 02:46 PM   #7
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Re: Y'All Can't do that in the USA

Quote:
Originally posted by Mrs. Edge
Michigan
a.. A woman's hair legally belongs to her husband, consequently she's not allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.

I *have* heard of this one, almost got caught on it a few years ago when I chopped my waist-length hair to shoulder-length without giving Karl a specific warning (just a few veiled threats ). Thankfully we weren't married yet


Quote:
d.. Rochester: Anyone bathing in public must have his or her bathing suit inspected by a police officer.
Wow - I lived in this city for 10 years and never got caught!
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Old 05-14-2003, 02:46 PM   #8
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Re: Y'All Can't do that in the USA

Quote:
Originally posted by Mrs. Edge
California
a.. A woman cannot drive a car while she is dressed in a house-coat.


uh...if I suddenly disapear from here for a while with no explanation, you know where to find me.

I wonder if they tack on an enhancement for wearing slippers?
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Old 05-14-2003, 02:51 PM   #9
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Re: Y'All Can't do that in the USA

Quote:
Originally posted by Mrs. Edge
Nevada b.. Sex without a condom is considered illegal.
i couldn't be prouder of my home state. no gambling allowed on this one.
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Old 05-14-2003, 03:51 PM   #10
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Big Grin Illinois

Quote:
Originally posted by Mrs. Edge
Illinois
a.. Women must address bachelors as master instead of mister.


i.. Urbana: No monster may enter the corporate limits.
From now on - I want to be addressed as Master Zonelistener.

As for item i - Master Zonelistener the Monster will test this law out tonight.



"I am not a monster"
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Old 05-14-2003, 03:53 PM   #11
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Re: Y'All Can't do that in the USA

Quote:
Originally posted by Mrs. Edge
Georgia
a.. It's unlawful for a barber to advertise his prices.
b.. It is a misdemeanor for any citizen to attend church worship on Sunday unless he is equipped with a rifle and it is loaded.
c.. Jonesboro: Forbidden to say "Oh, boy".
well i know many who are in serious violation here. and i think people who live in Jonesboro should be forbidden from socializing. *jonesboro = red neck heaven!*
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Old 05-14-2003, 03:59 PM   #12
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this proves once again that massachusets sucks
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Old 05-14-2003, 04:02 PM   #13
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Re: Y'All Can't do that in the USA

Quote:
Originally posted by Mrs. Edge
Alaska
a.. It is forbidden to push a moose out of a plane in motion.
b.. It is against the law to look at a moose from an airplane.
c.. Fairbanks: No moose is allowed to have sex on city streets.

!!!!!!! damn!
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Old 05-14-2003, 04:36 PM   #14
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Quote:
Kentucky
a.. "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club."
b.. An ammendment to the above law: "The provisions of this statuate shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses."
c.. Forbidden to appear on the streets of any town or village in bathing dress without police protection.
d.. Transport of an ice cream cone in your pocket is prohibited.
e.. Anyone who has been drinking is sober until s/he "cannot hold onto the ground".
f.. Everyone must take a bath at least once a year.
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Old 05-14-2003, 05:32 PM   #15
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Re: Re: Y'All Can't do that in the USA

Quote:
Originally posted by Bono's American Wife




uh...if I suddenly disapear from here for a while with no explanation, you know where to find me.

I wonder if they tack on an enhancement for wearing slippers?
Char!!!



this thread is hillarious!!!
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