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Old 01-12-2002, 11:45 AM   #16
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Old 01-12-2002, 12:07 PM   #17
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I wouldn't say I dated or hopped in the sack with anything that moved. I wasn't particularly picky, but I had my standards and I wanted to be respected.

For the most part, the men I had long term relationships were nice guys. Really nice, in fact, though they weren't the right ones for me obviously.

Now as far as short term relationships go that's another story. There were some assholes in the mix. And at that time I was certainly not perfect, I was kind of an asshole too. Actually no, I *was* an asshole. During that point in my life it was as though I sought the assholes out. Birds of a feather flock together, you know? They were usually the "good looking but a real wanker" types. The thrill of the chase and the thrill of the dance was there. I was not so innocent and neither was the guy. In these situations we knew what the other wanted, it was kind of agreed that it wasn't permanent. It was just for kicks and we both went into the relationship knowing that so nobody got hurt. Chock it up to low self esteem or sowing my wild oats, but in the end it gave me a solid idea of what I wanted in a person should I find myself interested in something long term. The reason being for this was, many people including myself want the security of a long term relationship. I wanted to explore my options, wanted to find out what made me tick. That "experimental" phase in my dating career didn't last long, but long enough to give me an idea of what I wanted in a man.

Now on to heartbreak. I met that wonderful man. We were friends first but always interested in pushing the envelope. When we did it was a whirlwind relationship. My folks loved this guy, his parents loved me. He was a gentleman, he made me happy, we had everything in common. He doted on me hand and foot and I did the same. He was the "one" and I could feel it in my heart. But then, a few months down the line, something happened. I don't know what. Perhaps this man was bored with me which sent him looking for the thrill of the chase like I once had, but completely disregarded one disclaimer: mutual respect for the situation. Of course since he was the "one" I didn't want to treat this relationship like a game, or a chase, or a fair weather thrill. But at any rate he cheated on me with a married woman whom I was friends with (as well as her husband.) He dumped me after they both arranged to backstab me, and he wound up impregnating this person less than a month later. He then married her after her nasty divorce was final. I was shattered. What did I do wrong? How could this seemingly perfect man void of all assholeish-ness treat me. How could this person who had high morals suddenly avert to the lowest of the low and have an affair with a married woman? Let alone a woman who was married to his friend?

That I will never know, but it took me a year to get over him. Perhaps it was the thrill of the chase to get in bed with a married woman, maybe it was because they were both really assholes on the inside. I'll never know, but one thing is clear, they both deserve each other and what's coming to them.

Fed up with men and looking for a thrill, I wound up meeting a person most people would call an asshole. He was a bad boy, a "pretty boy" punker, a heavy drinker, a hard partier, and had a long string of nasty relationships under (eh hem) his belt. To be honest when I took him home that one fateful night, I anticipated a first for me: a one-night-stand so I didn't set myself up for heartbreak. We stayed up all night and watched the sun rise the next day. We talked and talked. We spoke of likes and dislikes, relationships, we spoke of how we treated other people. I won't say what else we did but you can guess anyway. For someone who appeared to have a crusty exterior, I found him rather sweet on the inside. He left the next day and I did a strange thing even though I thought it might get me hurt. I called him and thanked him for the most fun evening I had in well over a year.

He must've been grateful, because a couple hours later he was on my doorstep. A few months later we got married, and we've been going 7 years strong ever since.

I don't know why I've gone off on a tangent here for so long giving you my love life story, but I thought I'd share. Are there 2 different kinds of assholes out there: one that hides under a wonderful exterior, and one that's hiding under the asshole image on the surface? Perhaps - but I guess some assholes aren't what they seem. For every person you have to consider the source, but a wise person once told me that every source has its root.

The asshole issue goes both ways. I know plenty of women who are just as much an asshole as the next asshole guy. I guess it just takes a certain kind of chemistry between two people to explore the root of a person's asshole-ness. Had I continued to judge my (now husband) by his gruff exterior, I wouldn't have gotten to know the wonderful person inside. I could've just thrown it all away but I took a chance, and it's fair to say he took a chance with me given the state of my heart at the time we met.


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Old 01-12-2002, 01:33 PM   #18
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I think everyone loves the excitement and challenge of winning someone over. This is something that is also drummed into us through the movies and TV.

Of course women want nice guys. BUT, I have known some nice guys who have bored me to tears, and some nice guys who have thrilled me beyond words! I think it just boils down to common interests, chemistry, spark etc.

Although there may be some allure in taming an asshole, eventually that gets really old, and really frustrating b/c you realise they are never going to change.
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Old 01-13-2002, 03:44 PM   #19
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My best friend is a so called "asshole." He really is. I can't stand to see the way girls act around him and vice versa. Women love him, I have no clue why. He is an attractive guy but not drop dead beautiful. He has the ability to tell women exactly what they want to hear. I know him all too well so I call him out on this. I think this is why women like assholes, they are so full of shit and are good bullshiters.
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Old 01-13-2002, 08:07 PM   #20
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to be completely fair, guys are complete pricks too.

you dont have the time to write an email at the least, but you have enough time to look through interference, then through this stupid forum and through THIS thread to find something you dont like and then take the time to ream that person that cares about you, out, then i think you really need to *cough cough, deal with it much better.

sorry, my bocefus juices are flowing, and thats rarely a good thing.

-death bear

[This message has been edited by Zoomerang96 (edited 01-13-2002).]
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Old 01-13-2002, 08:14 PM   #21
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i don't think you were talking to me, but i agree Zoomerang96, guys are pricks too. we suck, but that is because women make us crazy insane.

teach me love;
i know i'm not a hopeless case
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Old 01-13-2002, 09:19 PM   #22
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Originally posted by The_acrobat:
At the end of 2000, I broke up with my longtime girlfriend. Through most of 2001, I took a much needed and much deserved break from dating. It was nice. I started dating in the fall, and three times I've gotten the "we shouldn't see each other anymore, you're too nice." I'm too nice? WTF?

A little about me. I'm not one of those sensitive pussies who sits around and recites poetry, or tells a girl I love her prematurely. I only demand to go out with a girl maybe once a week. I'm a farmer, so I've got that whole "rugged" thing going. But I try to treat women with respect, because that's just the way I am.

But I talked to a bunch of girls, and they say they like guys who are assholes to them. They like the chase....the thrill of victory after taming a guy who treats them like shit. They say that if a guy likes them, then there's not a challenge or a thrill out of it.....

I'm not saying all women are terrible people. I'm just wondering why women like the assholes. Girls, your perspective on this topic would be welcomed.

hmm...i'll date you! LOL

(oh yeah, that shit the girls have been giving you is their lame way of avoiding the issue. you're better off without them.)

you told me once a second chance was not worth waiting for, a million chances later you don't know how right you were...
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Old 01-13-2002, 09:31 PM   #23
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I dont get it, why would u wanna go out with someone who makes u feel like shit or bad about yourself?
Ive never understood it but then again Im not one of these people who needs to be with someone to not feel alone.
Being with someone that doesn't make you feel good about yourself is a waste of time.
Girls who date them, I dunno, maybe they are arseholes too?
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Old 01-13-2002, 09:41 PM   #24
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The issue might not be that you are too nice, but that you are too accomodating. Now, I really don't know your situation at all, so I might be way off, but lots of times girls don't want to be catered to too much at first. Do your dates (i.e. where you go, the time, what you talk about and do, etc.) and correspondence with them center disproportionately on the girl? Your consideration for them and being overly "nice" may come off as you being REALLY interested to a pathetic point. They may see you as already won over, and they might not be as sold on you as they think you are on them. Therefore, they break up with you so they don't hurt your feelings more, even though they might have ended up liking you more than you might like them.

I know I can go out on a few dates with a guy, and like him a lot, but feel like he is way more serious about me than I am about him. I have felt bad about this, and in an attempt to fix the situation, I stopped going out with them...not because they were too "nice", but because they were too "nice to me". On the other hand, I can go out some with a guy, and like him a lot, and feel like he is interested in me, but also, that he is not centering the majority of what he does around me. The difference is hard to explain...it doesn't really have to do with treatment, but I guess it's in things like frequency of calls, always asking what the girl wants to do, etc.

Now, this could totally not be the case, but this is why I once stopped dating a "nice" guy.
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Old 01-13-2002, 11:08 PM   #25
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Why are so many men a**holes?

Your seven worlds collide
Whenever I am by your side
Dust from a distant sun
Will shower over everyone

-Crowded House
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Old 01-14-2002, 12:58 AM   #26
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Originally posted by scatteroflight:
Why are so many men a**holes?

Wow, Scatter brings up a good point. Maybe woman eventually have to date assholes because there are so many.

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Old 01-14-2002, 01:05 AM   #27
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How frigging depressing.

*stabs self with fork*
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Old 01-14-2002, 05:32 AM   #28
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To be quite honest, I think the whole "you're too nice" thing means the same as "it's not you, it's me", i.e. "it's you". It's just something that silly girls say because they think it's a nice way of breaking up.
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Old 01-14-2002, 07:27 AM   #29
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er....I dont like assholes! A lot of shit comes out of them........
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Old 01-14-2002, 03:15 PM   #30
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Originally posted by Mrs. Edge:
Of course women want nice guys. BUT, I have known some nice guys who have bored me to tears, and some nice guys who have thrilled me beyond words! I think it just boils down to common interests, chemistry, spark etc.
Originally posted by Klodomir:
To be quite honest, I think the whole "you're too nice" thing means the same as "it's not you, it's me", i.e. "it's you". It's just something that silly girls say because they think it's a nice way of breaking up.
I feel we might finally be on to something
hope to see all of you at the next group session for the onely and deranged

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