What is your most important priority for a lasting relationship?

[Mrs. Edge]

Is it a strong sex life? Chemistry? Financial security? Something else? I'd be curious to see what people prioritize as key to a lasting, fulfilled relationship.

 

[IWasBored]

not fighting. i love a good arguement. most people do. but usually they can turn into full-fledged fights. gotta avoid that.

 

[HelloAngel]

My boyfriend of five years is my best friend in the world, and I am his. Communication is key, and when and if a problem arises, we talk it out, sometimes ad nauseum, but we work it out no matter what. We live and work together, and are around each other 24/7 - it gets better every day.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

If I am with someone, we have to be friends. Definitely.

 

[nbcrusader]

A common faith and a shared commitment to that faith.


Also, a shared understanding of love is essential. When I hear that a lasting relationship is a 50-50 endeavor, I laugh. True sacrificial love makes a relationship a 100%-100% endeavor. When both parties subscribe to this, then you have a lasting relationship.

 

[MrBrau1]

I think sexual compatability is very under-rated. People often shy away from sex as a major component of a relationship, but in the end it is. That desire, flame, whatever, can make love even greater over time, and if it's not there, well, you're just pretending. Never forget the spark that started the fire.

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

wow it has been several years since i have had a long term relationship. i do think about things often on what was needed to help the relationship last. i do think faith is important as well as sexual chemistry.

 

[oliveu2cm]

I said emotional security. I think chemistry can start a relationship but after that you have to have the trust and the commitment to carry it through the every-days of life (it's the every-days of life that are hard, not necessarily those "rough times" that only last a week). I think that chemistry & the emotional security can lead to a strong sexual compatability, and the commitment to each other will lead to financial security (i.e. people will want to better their situations for themselves and their partner). I also like what nbcrusader said about a shared understanding of love.

 

[Salome]

I can honestly say that I have no idea anymore

the little that I do know is that emotional security has become a more important notion to me

 

[adamswildhoney]

Personally I think its a combo of all the choices listed that make a great relationship and definately communication is key in a relationship bc without communication you have nothing.

 

[Sicy]

I voted emotional security but I'm surprised trust isnt up there

 

[MrBrau1]

I have all of the above w/ my friends and family. Only w/ my girl does the sexual compatability thingy come into play.

 

[Mrs. Edge]

Actually, there were a few categories I wanted to add after I had put it up, but couldn't edit the poll choices!

 

[Salome]

Salome's second usefull advice in 3+ years

only mods can edit polls

so if you mail/pm a mod the changes you want she/he can do that for you


*points at Sicy

 

[HeartlandGirl]

Communication and trust are two crucial components in my marriage, but the one that has been most important is realistic expectations. So many couples think that their "soulmate" will make everything good better and everything bad disappear when they get into a long-term relationship, especially marriage. Not so. They think that the sexual relationship will always stay on fire, but it probably won't. They think that they will feel "whole" and that the other person will complete them, but the only person who can make you feel whole is yourself. If my husband and I are fighting or having an issue, we try to find out what is it we're expecting from the other person. Usually it is something the other person doesn't know is being expected of them or it's something the other person can't fulfill (e.g., my husband can't make my crappy job any better).

So that's my answer. If you realize that two people are imperfect beings and that a relationship is not the answer to all your life's problems, you're headed down the right road. That's when you can focus on trust, communication, honesty, etc.

Edit: Reading back over that, it's awfully simplistic. I can assure you our marriage has many other facets to it.

 

[Salome]

great post HeartlandGirl

 

[nbcrusader]

So that's my answer. If you realize that two people are imperfect beings and that a relationship is not the answer to all your life's problems, you're headed down the right road. That's when you can focus on trust, communication, honesty, etc.

Very well said. Marriage (or long term relationships) take daily work. It is not something that is "set and forget" - it must be refined, cared for, protected every day.

 

[MrBrau1]

It leaves ya baby, if you don't care for it.

 

[HeartlandGirl]

Marriage (or long term relationships) take daily work. It is not something that is "set and forget" - it must be refined, cared for, protected every day.

Indeed. I consider it a work in progress.

A coworker of mine has been married about 30 years. She could number off the years that were trying on their marriage (first, seventh, twelfth, etc.) where they weren't sure they'd make it for one reason or another. You've definitely got to fight for it every day. And that's where the commitment part has to kick in. It's hard work but the rewards can be sweet!

 

[nbcrusader]

It's hard work but the rewards can be sweet!

As I tell newlyweds: It gets better every day.

 

[Dreadsox]

I think it is a blend of everything.

My wife and I celebrate 10 years married Aug. 21.

15 Years together September 26.

She is a patient woman

 

[daafish]

I voted emotional security but I'm surprised trust isnt up there

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I would say emotional security-the only one of those listed, in my opinion, that is the key, in that you can deal w/ a lack of all the other things if you have that. No amount of money or a good sexual relationship can ever take the place of that. Fighting is OK if it's constructive and not abusive.

But I agree wholeheartedly w/ Heartland Girl-most people have extremely unrealistic expectations of relationships and marriage, and that's why they most often fail in my opinion. No one else is ever going to make you happy w/ yourself but yourself, and another person should only compliment that.

Too many people aren't willing to put in the work it takes, and they don't want it to require work. And certainly faith is important-w/ both people having a spiritual commitment, it makes problems easier to handle, and creates a strong bond.

Of course I'm no expert on this subject

 

[bonosloveslave]

I took emotional security to mean trust - without that, the other things don't matter.

 

[Lemon Meringue]

Commitment to each other and the relationship. Understanding each other...knowing that neither one of you is perfect. You need to have things in common, but also enjoy what is different about each other.

It is not a simple thing. There are ups and downs. But it is a good thing.

(10 years of marriage and 15 years together for me, too.)

 

[daafish]

Congrats to all of you happily married people. And I'm proud to say that my parents have been happily married for 31 years!

 

[Sicy]

My parents have been married for 31 years too! Dunno how happy they are though

 

[melon]

I think, ultimately, I'll only be happy with a lover that I also consider to be my best friend. Sexual chemistry may be important, yes, but I also want someone whom I can talk to about anything for hours on end.

I'm perfectly independent and happy with myself that I do not see a need to try and rush things...and then end up compromising on my ideals, just to avoid being lonely. I think that's where a lot of divorces ultimately come from.

Melon

 

[STING2]

I think Honesty is the most important thing although its not on the list. Sexual Chemistry is something that is often experienced by complete strangers. It may be important for that one night stand when there is nothing else to go on, but it means almost nothing to marriages that last over 60 years.

 

[Dreadsox]

Speaking of marriages that last 60 years...my greandparesnts just celebrated 60 years together. The family haad to cancel the 50th celebration because they were in the midst of four months of not speaking together.

Still 60 years...wow!