nbcrusader
Blue Crack Addict
Dread's grandparents 
What is your most important priority for a lasting relationship?
- Thread starter Mrs. Edge
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Dread's grandparents 
martha
Blue Crack Supplier
<insert HeartlandGirl's response here>
It's about love, trust, commitment, faith, shared goals, shared interests, putting each other first, being best friends, understanding, allowing him (or me) to take off alone for some time to be alone, and communication. That all adds up to Emotional Security for me.
And he's hot!
It's about love, trust, commitment, faith, shared goals, shared interests, putting each other first, being best friends, understanding, allowing him (or me) to take off alone for some time to be alone, and communication. That all adds up to Emotional Security for me.
And he's hot!
zonelistener
ONE love, blood, life
I love the Interference married folks! 
yertle-the-turtle
ONE love, blood, life
love.
MrBrau1
ONE love, blood, life
So, many of you would consider a relatioship w/o sex healthy?
In my opinion, the absense of sex in a relationship is a big sign something is wrong.
In my opinion, the absense of sex in a relationship is a big sign something is wrong.
Sweet Tart
Refugee
emotional security and not fighting.
security is all fine and dandy until all you want to do is beat them over the head with a big stick.
security is all fine and dandy until all you want to do is beat them over the head with a big stick.
MrsSpringsteen
Blue Crack Addict
MrBrau1 said:
The question in the poll has to do w/ priorities for a good long term relationship. I think if there are sexual issues, that indicates problems in the emotional area, unless it's a medical problem or whatever..
I think if sex is the most important aspect of someone's long term relationship or marriage, that is a big sign something is wrong, but that is just my personal opinion.
MrBrau1
ONE love, blood, life
MrsSpringsteen said:
Well, the first time I saw my GF I wasn't thinking "boy, I'd sure like to trust her!" I was having dirty thoughts, which happened to work out as the other stuff fell in place.
nbcrusader
Blue Crack Addict
MrBrau1 said:
Sex is an expression of love in a marriage - the relationship cannot be based on or sustained with sex. Love, trust, commitment, faith, shared goals, shared interests, putting each other first, being best friends, understanding (Martha's list) leads to great sex.
MrsSpringsteen
Blue Crack Addict
If all single women who are looking could find a man like nbcrusader (because he's already taken) I think they'd all be very happy 
I mean that sincerely
I mean that sincerely
womanfish
Rock n' Roll Doggie ALL ACCESS
I voted for sexual compatibility. Because I had all the rest, but something about our sex life never quite meshed. Sometimes it was great (for a little while) but then would not be again. I had all the rest. My best friend, the chemistry, everything. Now, after 6 years of marriage we're seperated.
martha
Blue Crack Supplier
nbcrusader said:
It shore do!
But seriously, without feeling secure and loved, the sex will be worthless and hollow.
MrBrau1
ONE love, blood, life
Sometimes in a longterm relationship all you want is worthless and hollow sex.
OP
OP
Mrs. Edge
Bono's Belly Dancing Friend
This is turning into a very interesting thread! I decided not to bother asking to add trust because that is part of emotional security I suppose.
True, but I think that on the other side, if you are still young, and even though you care about your partner, and love them as a person, but the whole sex thing is totally out of whack, it would never work. That would be a friendship and not a marriage imo.
True, but I think that on the other side, if you are still young, and even though you care about your partner, and love them as a person, but the whole sex thing is totally out of whack, it would never work. That would be a friendship and not a marriage imo.
HelloAngel
ONE love, blood, life
I don't ever want a relationship that has anything thing remotely hollow in it. Sex is a very personal thing - and everyone is going to have a different approach or belief about the importance of sex in a relationship.
Every marriage I've ever seen that had a great sex life, had no friendship because they were too busy in the bedroom to talk, share and do for each other. Those people got divorced. A big, shared love between two people makes for great sex - it means more. If I wanted hollow sex, I wouldn't be in a relationship, that's for sure. But then again, I'm conservative that way, and don't feel sex should ever be shallow.
The healthy marriages I witness are comprised of people who are wholeheartedly committed to each other in every way - but they always say that if they weren't best friends, it would never work.
Sex is indeed important, and is a wonderful way of showing love in a physical way, but a close friendship can often be a more dear and satisfying way to make sure the relationship endures and sustains the tests of time.
Every marriage I've ever seen that had a great sex life, had no friendship because they were too busy in the bedroom to talk, share and do for each other. Those people got divorced. A big, shared love between two people makes for great sex - it means more. If I wanted hollow sex, I wouldn't be in a relationship, that's for sure. But then again, I'm conservative that way, and don't feel sex should ever be shallow.
The healthy marriages I witness are comprised of people who are wholeheartedly committed to each other in every way - but they always say that if they weren't best friends, it would never work.
Sex is indeed important, and is a wonderful way of showing love in a physical way, but a close friendship can often be a more dear and satisfying way to make sure the relationship endures and sustains the tests of time.
MrBrau1
ONE love, blood, life
Let me put it this way, if men and women couldn't have sex, I wouldn't be living w/ my girl right now.
martha
Blue Crack Supplier
Don't get us wrong! Sex is important! But if it's all you got, the relationship isn't going to last. On the other hand, if the sex isn't good in a relationship, then you're in trouble, too.
But if it's all you got, the relationship isn't going to last. On the other hand, if the sex isn't good in a relationship, then you're in trouble, too.
MrBrau1
ONE love, blood, life
martha said:Don't get us wrong! Sex is important!
You gotta BINGO!
Perfect. I've had a 6 year relationship slowly die, and the "sex once a month" thing should have been such a huge tip off. But my dumb ass was so certain about our "trust" and such, that I did nothing and it ended one day. Consider me wiser for the experience. W/ my new girl I'm quite keen on this, and it IS a huge tip off to something else wrong. Girls just don't wanna sleep w/ their BF if something ain't right. It's kinda like an "idiot light" in your car, but for relationships.
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Well just to add my .02..and its probably not worth that much..but
how can anyone honestly say that sexual compatibility isnt important. I dont think it is the most important thing in terms of a healthy relationship..but it really is important.
If you cannot give yourself completely and freely to someone you are supposedly close to how can that be healthy....and if you are in a sexually active relationship, and you think in terms of the sex being an obligation more than a fulfilling experience, then how can that be healthy...
If 2 people are not compatible in the bedroom than how can they be compatible. Isnt sex an integral part of giving of oneself to another..an extension of yourself that you are willing to share..and is that not an important thing to consider.
The only reason I say this is after living in a long term relationship/marriage that didnt have that..I can now see that there was a huge hole...that I never saw until I dealt with some issues..and because of those issues, I caused myself not to open that part of myself up to someone who deserved it...so I dont know I think that is important to any relationship being long term...
Apart from that...Id say emotional security is very important..you need to be able to feel safe and secure knowing that that person will always be there no matter what...and in doing so you could open yourself up more freely to all the other things that make a relationship worthwhile.
how can anyone honestly say that sexual compatibility isnt important. I dont think it is the most important thing in terms of a healthy relationship..but it really is important.
If you cannot give yourself completely and freely to someone you are supposedly close to how can that be healthy....and if you are in a sexually active relationship, and you think in terms of the sex being an obligation more than a fulfilling experience, then how can that be healthy...
If 2 people are not compatible in the bedroom than how can they be compatible. Isnt sex an integral part of giving of oneself to another..an extension of yourself that you are willing to share..and is that not an important thing to consider.
The only reason I say this is after living in a long term relationship/marriage that didnt have that..I can now see that there was a huge hole...that I never saw until I dealt with some issues..and because of those issues, I caused myself not to open that part of myself up to someone who deserved it...so I dont know I think that is important to any relationship being long term...
Apart from that...Id say emotional security is very important..you need to be able to feel safe and secure knowing that that person will always be there no matter what...and in doing so you could open yourself up more freely to all the other things that make a relationship worthwhile.
OP
OP
Mrs. Edge
Bono's Belly Dancing Friend
I think that for any relationship to work you have to have the following key building blocks/ingredients all falling under the header:
STIMULATION
-Intellectually (ie, you have great conversations, common interests etc.)
-Emotionally (includes romance and basic chemistry...which carries you after the fireworks have ended - if they do...you are also best friends)
-Sexually (where you actually WANT to do it on a reasonably regular basis!)
- Faith in common (if that's important....to lots of ppl it isn't. I guess Edge and Morleigh would be a good example!)
and if these basic ingredients are there, you therefore will automatically have:
- trust
- commitment to each other first and foremost
- common goals/aspirations for now and the future
I think if you aren't stimulated on those basic levels...and I mean ALL those basic levels (unless one of them is REALLY not important to you in any way) you are headed for trouble. You will become very restless, UNFULFILLED and eventually, resentful, which never makes for a good relationship.
I think working on the relationship and nurturing it is very important, but you have to work on it because you think it is worth working on. If some of the basic building blocks are missing...you don't have much to work with. And when the focus of the relationship is mostly about working on it....well that's kind of depressing.
STIMULATION
-Intellectually (ie, you have great conversations, common interests etc.)
-Emotionally (includes romance and basic chemistry...which carries you after the fireworks have ended - if they do...you are also best friends)
-Sexually (where you actually WANT to do it on a reasonably regular basis!)
- Faith in common (if that's important....to lots of ppl it isn't. I guess Edge and Morleigh would be a good example!)
and if these basic ingredients are there, you therefore will automatically have:
- trust
- commitment to each other first and foremost
- common goals/aspirations for now and the future
I think if you aren't stimulated on those basic levels...and I mean ALL those basic levels (unless one of them is REALLY not important to you in any way) you are headed for trouble. You will become very restless, UNFULFILLED and eventually, resentful, which never makes for a good relationship.
I think working on the relationship and nurturing it is very important, but you have to work on it because you think it is worth working on. If some of the basic building blocks are missing...you don't have much to work with. And when the focus of the relationship is mostly about working on it....well that's kind of depressing.
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In my opinion, what makes sexual compatibility the least important is because its the one thing that two complete strangers in one night can experience. No, not all the time, but it it does happen. All of the other things in the list cannot be experienced by two strangers in one night.
At the end of the day, if sex is what is most important to you, then I could see why one would consider that the most important thing in their marriage. But sex is not love or friendship in my opinion. If Sex is #1 in your life, then in my opinion, one would be happier if they were not married. I think people should marry for love not sex. Love can last forever, but Sex cannot.
Marriage vows often involve the words "in sickness and in health". What if this sickness meant one or the other partner would be unable to have sex? Would you leave your partner then since "sex" is the most important part of the marriage and now your not having any?
In my opinion, an individual can experience great sex with thousands of different people, but its far rarer to find a person that they can experience true love and friendship with.
In my opinion, Marriage is not some endless kinky sex romp. Its about loyalty and service to another individual that you love and care for more than any person in the world.
Marriage is definitely not for everyone. I think a lot of marriages fail because people get swept up in that initial "heat of the moment" and don't fully realize or understand the work and commitment it takes. In my opinion, its not about great sex with someone your really physically attracted to. If that were the case, hollywood stars would have the longest most successful marriages. We know the opposite in that case is true.
At the end of the day, if sex is what is most important to you, then I could see why one would consider that the most important thing in their marriage. But sex is not love or friendship in my opinion. If Sex is #1 in your life, then in my opinion, one would be happier if they were not married. I think people should marry for love not sex. Love can last forever, but Sex cannot.
Marriage vows often involve the words "in sickness and in health". What if this sickness meant one or the other partner would be unable to have sex? Would you leave your partner then since "sex" is the most important part of the marriage and now your not having any?
In my opinion, an individual can experience great sex with thousands of different people, but its far rarer to find a person that they can experience true love and friendship with.
In my opinion, Marriage is not some endless kinky sex romp. Its about loyalty and service to another individual that you love and care for more than any person in the world.
Marriage is definitely not for everyone. I think a lot of marriages fail because people get swept up in that initial "heat of the moment" and don't fully realize or understand the work and commitment it takes. In my opinion, its not about great sex with someone your really physically attracted to. If that were the case, hollywood stars would have the longest most successful marriages. We know the opposite in that case is true.
MrsSpringsteen
Blue Crack Addict
Excellent post Sting2!
cell
Rock n' Roll Doggie VIP PASS
for me it would have to be the total package. trust, honesty, chemistry, sexual compatibility, not fighting, etc...
i want it all.
i want it all.
HeartlandGirl
Rock n' Roll Doggie ALL ACCESS
I was going to stay out of the sex discussion, but I've decided to throw my two cents out there.
For reasons I won't go into here, my husband and I were unable to have sex for a long time. But we were still able to have a successful marriage and continue loving each other. Not having sex did not mean that something was "wrong" with our marriage, nor did it mean we were "just friends" or "not married". Like Sting2 said so eloquently, marriage or any long-term relationship can still be successful without sex. And as for sexual compatibility, I've read and heard doctors say that it is rare for two people to have matching sexual appetites and tastes. Just another part of marriage where you often must compromise and communicate so that both people are happy and fulfilled. If two people are not having sex in a marriage, it's probably more a symptom of some other problem rather than being a problem itself. Hot sex in a marriage is way overrated, in my opinion, but then again, I had no choice but to experience marriage without sex for awhile and see that it is possible.
My husband was actually the first one to say how foolish it is for people to place so much importance on it. But hey, that's just us.
For reasons I won't go into here, my husband and I were unable to have sex for a long time. But we were still able to have a successful marriage and continue loving each other. Not having sex did not mean that something was "wrong" with our marriage, nor did it mean we were "just friends" or "not married". Like Sting2 said so eloquently, marriage or any long-term relationship can still be successful without sex. And as for sexual compatibility, I've read and heard doctors say that it is rare for two people to have matching sexual appetites and tastes. Just another part of marriage where you often must compromise and communicate so that both people are happy and fulfilled. If two people are not having sex in a marriage, it's probably more a symptom of some other problem rather than being a problem itself. Hot sex in a marriage is way overrated, in my opinion, but then again, I had no choice but to experience marriage without sex for awhile and see that it is possible.
My husband was actually the first one to say how foolish it is for people to place so much importance on it. But hey, that's just us.
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MrsSpringsteen
Blue Crack Addict
Thanks for being so open to sharing that w/ us Heartland Girl
I think you know quite a bit about marriage
It's a very private, individual thing - this topic is, and everyone has a unique perspective about it. The key I guess is finding someone who is the best fit for your perspective.
I think you know quite a bit about marriage
It's a very private, individual thing - this topic is, and everyone has a unique perspective about it. The key I guess is finding someone who is the best fit for your perspective.
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