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View Poll Results: What is the most important aspect of a happy long-term relationship?
Sexual Compatability 2 4.76%
Chemistry...there's just something about them... 15 35.71%
Emotional Security 20 47.62%
Financial Security 0 0%
Not fighting 5 11.90%
Voters: 42. You may not vote on this poll

 
 
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Old 08-19-2003, 04:32 PM   #16
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great post HeartlandGirl
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Old 08-19-2003, 04:34 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally posted by HeartlandGirl
So that's my answer. If you realize that two people are imperfect beings and that a relationship is not the answer to all your life's problems, you're headed down the right road. That's when you can focus on trust, communication, honesty, etc.
Very well said. Marriage (or long term relationships) take daily work. It is not something that is "set and forget" - it must be refined, cared for, protected every day.
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Old 08-19-2003, 04:38 PM   #18
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It leaves ya baby, if you don't care for it.
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Old 08-19-2003, 04:43 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally posted by nbcrusader
Marriage (or long term relationships) take daily work. It is not something that is "set and forget" - it must be refined, cared for, protected every day.
Indeed. I consider it a work in progress.

A coworker of mine has been married about 30 years. She could number off the years that were trying on their marriage (first, seventh, twelfth, etc.) where they weren't sure they'd make it for one reason or another. You've definitely got to fight for it every day. And that's where the commitment part has to kick in. It's hard work but the rewards can be sweet!
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Old 08-19-2003, 04:44 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally posted by HeartlandGirl
It's hard work but the rewards can be sweet!
As I tell newlyweds: It gets better every day.
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Old 08-19-2003, 04:49 PM   #21
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I think it is a blend of everything.

My wife and I celebrate 10 years married Aug. 21.

15 Years together September 26.

She is a patient woman
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Old 08-19-2003, 05:09 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sicy
I voted emotional security but I'm surprised trust isnt up there
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Old 08-19-2003, 05:32 PM   #23
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I would say emotional security-the only one of those listed, in my opinion, that is the key, in that you can deal w/ a lack of all the other things if you have that. No amount of money or a good sexual relationship can ever take the place of that. Fighting is OK if it's constructive and not abusive.

But I agree wholeheartedly w/ Heartland Girl-most people have extremely unrealistic expectations of relationships and marriage, and that's why they most often fail in my opinion. No one else is ever going to make you happy w/ yourself but yourself, and another person should only compliment that.

Too many people aren't willing to put in the work it takes, and they don't want it to require work. And certainly faith is important-w/ both people having a spiritual commitment, it makes problems easier to handle, and creates a strong bond.

Of course I'm no expert on this subject
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Old 08-19-2003, 05:52 PM   #24
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I took emotional security to mean trust - without that, the other things don't matter.
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Old 08-19-2003, 07:09 PM   #25
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Commitment to each other and the relationship. Understanding each other...knowing that neither one of you is perfect. You need to have things in common, but also enjoy what is different about each other.

It is not a simple thing. There are ups and downs. But it is a good thing.

(10 years of marriage and 15 years together for me, too.)
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Old 08-19-2003, 07:13 PM   #26
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Congrats to all of you happily married people. And I'm proud to say that my parents have been happily married for 31 years!
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Old 08-19-2003, 07:41 PM   #27
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My parents have been married for 31 years too! Dunno how happy they are though
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Old 08-19-2003, 07:56 PM   #28
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I think, ultimately, I'll only be happy with a lover that I also consider to be my best friend. Sexual chemistry may be important, yes, but I also want someone whom I can talk to about anything for hours on end.

I'm perfectly independent and happy with myself that I do not see a need to try and rush things...and then end up compromising on my ideals, just to avoid being lonely. I think that's where a lot of divorces ultimately come from.

Melon
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Old 08-19-2003, 09:26 PM   #29
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I think Honesty is the most important thing although its not on the list. Sexual Chemistry is something that is often experienced by complete strangers. It may be important for that one night stand when there is nothing else to go on, but it means almost nothing to marriages that last over 60 years.
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Old 08-19-2003, 09:35 PM   #30
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Speaking of marriages that last 60 years...my greandparesnts just celebrated 60 years together. The family haad to cancel the 50th celebration because they were in the midst of four months of not speaking together.

Still 60 years...wow!
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