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Old 06-11-2002, 10:36 AM   #1
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What is with you married people!@?!

Ok....... Seriously! This is not intended to offend those of the 'couples persuasion' but rather, to seek some information. To get into your relationship minds and have you explain to me what happens in yer heads when you meet that perfect someone? BECAUSE.... I am so sick of losing friends to marriages!!!!!

*Tears hair out, scratches eyes and screams!!!

Ok, ok...... To lay some ground work, years ago, I was really really good friends with this couple. There was four of us actually that hung out all the time, but only two were a couple.... To make a long story short, we had great times together, but once they got married, I never heard from them ever again. It's true!! Weirdos.

Anyway... now, my best friend really (if I must name her to be so), is getting married next Septmeber as in 2003!!. We are talking over a year away, and she has already planned the whole bloody thing. She is consumed with wedding plans, marriage crap and buying a new house. She never has time for anyone but her fiance and her parents, and it's not because she really does anything. She just has disappeared into 'Couples Oblivion'. never makes the effort, like the only thing that matters is her and her fiance. The thing is, we all hung out and had great times BEFORE they got engaged, but it seems since they got engaged, it's like our friendship is slowly fading away. I refuse to lose another friendship to marriage! I am not even a very demanding friend, but come on! We live in the same city and I haven't hung out with her in two months. Not to be mean, but other than her fiance and parents and her fiance's sister, she hasnt really any other friends. Not that she hangs out with, yet she can't even make the time for me.

I guess...... I just needed to vent, and perhaps get some insight into what happens to ones mind when they get engaged. I can honestly say that I would change.. why should I? I mean, just because you meet a guy and get engaged doesn't give you the right to blow off your friends. Just my opinion.... time to hear yours. Oh, and if you have any advice on how to handle this.... I am listening. thx.
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Old 06-11-2002, 10:38 AM   #2
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I'm 21 and ALL of my friends from college are married or engaged. Some have kids.
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Old 06-11-2002, 10:39 AM   #3
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I'm in a serious relationship.

And luckily neither of us feels the need to get married any time in this decade.
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Old 06-11-2002, 10:40 AM   #4
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Yeah but as a couple even.... do you alienate your friends?
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Old 06-11-2002, 10:50 AM   #5
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I hear you and empathize so much it ainít funny. This has happened to me SEVERAL times in the last few years and I am sick of it. First it was my best friend and roommate. I hung out with her and her boyfriend when they were going out and even engaged. I was her maid of honor at the wedding. Then, rather quickly things faded. She had a baby and it was even harder to find time to do stuff together. Not to mention, I got sick and tired of being the one to call and try to set things up. She NEVER reached out to maintain our friendship. Quite frankly, if Iím not important enough to keep as a friend, then Iím out of there. Iíll do my half, but I ainít doing all the work.

Most recently, I introduced two of my closest buddies and they hit it off like magic. So with their marriage, I not only lost one friend, but two.

I dunno. People are weird. Thatís all I can say. Screw Ďem. I am moving to the jungle. (seriously!)
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Old 06-11-2002, 10:53 AM   #6
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I'm going throught the same thing...just got another wedding invite yesterday, actually. (the 'and guest' part on the invite is particularly harsh when you know all of your friends will show up with their finances/husband/wife/nearly married significant others) *slight detour, sorry* Anyway, I'm 24 and many of my friends are getting married, having kids. My 27 yr old roommate says she's now getting to the point where all of her friends are divorcing, which might be even scarier. Luckily, one of my friends who has now been married close to 3 years realized the value of her friendships after about 6 months of marriage, and doesn't really isolate herself anymore...anyway, i know that's not much insight, but I do totally understand what you mean!!
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Old 06-11-2002, 10:55 AM   #7
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It has happend to me to. I just happens. Sorry it has happend to you.
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Old 06-11-2002, 10:57 AM   #8
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crys

Quote:
Originally posted by sulawesigirl4

I dunno. People are weird. Thatís all I can say. Screw Ďem. I am moving to the jungle. (seriously!)
Take me with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your friends sound exactly like mine!!

*Starting to realize this is a human condition that is not isolated to one particular person.

I will be no one's door mat.
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Old 06-11-2002, 10:59 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally posted by Angel


Take me with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your friends sound exactly like mine!!
You're welcome to come along.

www.peacecorps.gov
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Old 06-11-2002, 11:07 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by sulawesigirl4


You're welcome to come along.

www.peacecorps.gov
Thx Sula, but it says you have to be American.

So when / where are you going? I am very impressed.
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Old 06-11-2002, 11:19 AM   #11
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hmmm, i haven't spent any less time with my friends than i did before i got married. true, i hardly spend time with my best friend, but i didn't before then either. why? because every time she asks me to do something, i'm always so ready to say yes until i hear her annoying as fuck loser friend from high school is coming along too. it bugs me to no end because i HATE this woman. she's obsessed with all the teeniebopper music, lies about "boyfriends" and stuff like that, and doesn't know what toothpaste, soap, or shampoo is. but god, it's annoying. and when i bring this up to my friend, she switches into her selfish mode and says "don't make me choose between you two! don't put me in the middle!" which i'm not. maybe her loser friend is, but now since we don't go to school together we don't see each other every day, so out of the seven days in a week, i'm sure there's one day where she can tell her other friend to take a hike.
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Old 06-11-2002, 11:21 AM   #12
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hehe i just realized, i got slightly off topic there. sorry. but i have seen it happen, although i've only seen it happen with a friend who gets a new boyfriend, since i'm the only one of my friends who's married.
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Old 06-11-2002, 11:23 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by Angel


Thx Sula, but it says you have to be American.

So when / where are you going? I am very impressed.
Oh yeah. Well I'm sure you could join the Canadian version. Or just come visit me when I'm out there.

I'm hoping to leave next summer and serve for two years. Most likely to Africa. Eastern Europe is also a possibility, but with the situation in Africa being as desperate as it is, I feel like I should go there. We shall see.
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Old 06-11-2002, 11:30 AM   #14
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I just proposed to MT last night. It was a sudden thing. Getting married in two months. I'm not a big fan of long engagements.

MT will be MK

CK

PS I'm serious.
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Old 06-11-2002, 11:33 AM   #15
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I just proposed to MT last night. It was a sudden thing. Getting married in two months. I'm not a big fan of long engagements.
congrats
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