What is with you married people!@?!

[elevatedmole]

I'm never getting married!

I hope you're happy, meegannie. Mr. Question Head is crying now.

Mr. Question Head:

 

[meegannie]

I hope you're happy, meegannie. Mr. Question Head is crying now.

Mr. Question Head:

We've had a talk. He knows I could never marry someone as confused as myself.

 

[ghetofabu]

I'm never getting married!

Why?

 

[Sicy]

I suggest that no one take advice from 'brother diamond' as he cannot set a good example with his own life.

* coughdivorceetoomanysexiesatoncecough *

 

[elevatedmole]

We've had a talk. He knows I could never marry someone as confused as myself.

No! You two were such a cute couple! Well.. I hope there is a Ms. Question Head out there for Mr. Question Head..

 

[Lemon Meringue]

Okay....where to start.

I was one of the last of all my friends to get married and didn't really know if I wanted to get married. I was never looking for "Mr. Perfect" because I don't believe in such a thing. I "lost" a lot of good friends whan they got married. So even though I am married, I know how it is to feel left behind.

You may just lose some of these friends while the marriage is new. It is a big change for the people even if they were already in the relationship for a while. They have made a commitment to each other. It does not mean they don't care about you. Priorities change whether you want them to or not. If they have a house instead of renting an apartment it really is a lot more work. Once things get more settled they might come around more. People just get into their everyday routine. Go to work, go home, go to work go home. They do not intend to not see their single friends it is just a matter in getting caught up in everyday life. Everything is more flexible when you are single. You will probably just have to accept the fact that, at least for now, you will need to be the one to get ahold of them if you want to stay in touch with them.

If they have kids you may not see much of them until you have kids of your own. Most people who have kids lives revolve around those kids. They are involved with the kid's activities and they tend to socialize with other people with kids. This until the kids grow up and move out.

We do not have kids and have been married for a while. It is easier for us to socialize with either people with older kids or single people. Every situation is different.

 

[diamond]

Congratulations CK!
Whatever you do, DO NOT sign a Pre Nuptual Agreement.
If she whips one out on ya simply say- "Brother Diamond says Iam NOT suppose to SIGN THAT."

At that pt. encouage her to call me.
Tell her that -"btw Diamond is Pro Bono"
This should solve everything.

Seriously-
C
O
N
G
R
A
T
L
T
I
O
N
S
!!!"

Out-
DB9

Furthur- For the record.
Iam HAPPY for you guys.
Iam ALL FOR MARRIAGE w/the right person.

Weve spoke on the phone several times re this subject, CK and you 2 seem compatible.
This = GOOD
Also youve been in a long term relationship w/her-nearly 5 yrs.
This=GOOD
She is someone you are attracted to, and she is to you.
This = GOOD.
You will not tell her WE are friends
This =UNDERSTANDABLE.
She has a good career a head of her and will prolly eventually end up making more $$ than your ass.
This=SUPERB.
You are smart enough to realize NOT only is she beautiful ,that you love her, and she is also more intellegent than YOU.
This=GOOD.

Good luck
your friend-
diamond

 

[cass]

I'm sorry to hear you feel abandoned by your friend. I think it is simply a matter of hours in the day, the fact there aren't enough of them. There is only so much time can be spent socialising and when a new relationship comes along, the time spent on it has to be gained from somewhere. That happens in any relationship, not just marriage.
Once children come into the equation it changes again. I would have loved to continue socialising with my 1970'sBC(before children) friends, but it just wasn't possible. I must admit there were times when I felt abandoned, very much so. ( nappy rash and teething pain don't make for relaxed conversation).
So I don't know, relationships certainly are about give and take, you have to be prepared for both if you want them to last. I only had a small circle of friends before I got married,and we dson't live nearby, but they are there for me and I for them. Probably the best thing is to tell your friend how you feel...diplomatically...or refer them to brother diamond.
good luck

Congrats to CK and his fiance.

 

[HeartlandGirl]

I'll be your friend, Angel! I'm married, but my husband and I have had a hard time finding friends to hang out with. In my experience, during your 20s, there is this giant gap between the single people, the married people, and the people with kids people. Most of my husband's and my friends have moved away after graduating from college, and now we're in this black of hole. The single people we know are either way too crazy (obsessed with getting laid and getting drunk) or feel weird hanging out with a married couple. All the couples we know have kids, and I'd rather be by myself than listen to my formerly cool friends rant on and on about diapers on sale at Wal-Mart. If I do hang out with them, I make the effort, and I end up at their house (of course, most won't take their kids anywhere) and we watch their kids play or whatever while they talk on and on about...guess what...the kids some more!

We only know one cool couple without kids, but they work a lot and she is in nursing school, so we don't get to see them that often. Anyway, the point of this rant is that it can be just as bad to be married. I certainly have not given up my friends. Most of them have either moved away or had kids, and I feel like you do, kind of left out with no one to do stuff with. It definitely goes both ways, and I hope you're able to find some friends who won't diss you once they get married. Not all married people are like that... I hope I'm not.

 

[sulawesigirl4]

For the record, Lemon Meringue...I just want to note that you and your hubby (and Bodie!) are some of the coolest "marrieds" I know. You let us come over and have U2 parties, you stay up late, you sing along with the DVD, and you go out to Molly's. If I ever get married, I hope I have it together like you guys.

 

[Discoteque]

*puts on the Hat of Rant-worthiness*

you're singing my song, Angel girl....I think we've talked about this before, but I feel the same way!!!

the bad part is....as I got older, I thought I would sort of "grow out of it," but no. People get divorced and remarried, or they get married much later.....first they're your single friend(s), then suddenly they're a couple, then they're a married couple, then they have kids at like, age 40....and perhaps unconsciously they to alientate their single/childless friends. Hate to say it, but it's true. Theres just less in common...I mean, I SURE don't want to have a conversation around my friend's kid's poopy diapers or whatever when I'm in my 40s, sheesh. And rarely do they feel like discussing anything other than their kids, so of course they want other people in the same boat. Or, worse yet, they insist on trying to set YOU up with friends of theirs, and keep telling you that YOU should be married/find a man, like having a happy, fulfilling single life is just sadly pathetic or wrong. Sorry if I sound like I'm generalizing, but I do speak from *personal* experience.

I think a lot of women are "in love with love"...they love the idea of getting married, and having a huge fluffy blow-out of a wedding, and spend every waking moment from the time they're 13 planning for something that is over in a day (kinda like Christmas!).

I dunno...maybe I'm just getting old and cynical, but I sure wish society would treat/think of/act toward singletons people with the same type of attitude, respect, and appreciation that is given to marrieds...especially my own friends!

 

[Lemon Meringue]

For the record, Lemon Meringue...I just want to note that you and your hubby (and Bodie!) are some of the coolest "marrieds" I know. You let us come over and have U2 parties, you stay up late, you sing along with the DVD, and you go out to Molly's. If I ever get married, I hope I have it together like you guys.

Wow, Thanks Sula. That was really nice of you. I don't know how "together" we are, but we still like to have some fun. Even if we're an old married couple.

 

[Angel]

Wow, thx for all the replies guys. I hear ya all about the baby talk. My friend in question, doesn't have any children yet. Hell, she's only 23!! I hate to see what she'll be like in a couple years time and a baby on the way. Thing is, I am not jealous. I am actually very happy for her. She has her dream, it's just not my dream. Don't get me wrong, I would love to fall in love and get married one day, but weddings and the such, just aren't my thing. I am way too practical and I guess that's where her and I differ. I'd rather get married on a sandy beach, travel the world, and why not meet up with Sula in the peace corps! She on the other hand, is all about the white picket fence idealist dream. To each their own.

I agree with you Lemon Meringue when you say I am just going to have to accept that it is I who will have to make the larger effort if I want to maintain our friendship. It sucks that it's that way, but, in the end, if I do want them still as friends then I guess I'll put up with what I have to put up with. I am moving on from here soon anyway, and maybe then she'll realize what she'd been missing in her life. Not trying to toot my own horn but life is more than your parents and one guy...... but maybe I am just talking again of my own opinion. Life is more than that to me.

 

[sulawesigirl4]

Angel, you sound so much like me, it is scary. But in all seriousness, just follow your heart and don't ever let anyone try to tell you that your road is the wrong one. And if you're still up for it in a year or so, you can DEFINITELY come visit me in the Peace Corps. I'm sure I'll be delighted to have visitors from the outside world.

 

[zooropamanda]

Congrats CK dude

Angel, one of my best friends got married last year. Some of my other friends and I haven't heard from or seen her since the wedding.
Nice huh?

God, I just realized I have 4 friends who are already married. Thats frightening.
Im getting old!!!!

 

[Angela Harlem]

Your 20's is really a transitional phase. You leave school thinking you will stay best mates with all your school buds. A few weeks after it you think, um, where are they all? There is usually a couple you will stay in touch with. But then you either start work, or go to uni. You met more of the same and think, wow, great friends I've been meeting lately. So you have a bunch of new and a few old.
Then you leave uni/college or move around in your jobs. Friends start getting hitched and you think here we go again. Why do I keep losing these people who I thought were gonna be around forever?
When we are kids, we are kept together by the safety of the lives our parent make for us. In our 20's we are building the foundations for our own lives. Its the time where we move a lot, we change things around, scoot off to seek new experiences.
Some of us settle early. Some of us decide we need to live a bit. Its simply bad timing timing sometimes when trying to hang onto a friendship.

I know that in about 10 years time, majority of the people I know will be at roughly the same place in their lives. I'm 25 and got married 2 years ago. We dont have offspring yet, some of my friends do already, some are married, some aren't. I reckon the only difference in 10 years time will be the diffence in age of ours and my friends kids. I reckon eventually most people marry, and most have kids. But in your 20's, everything is changing really fast. We all do it at different times, and catching a stage of your life to match someone else's is a real trick.

Congrats to Ixnay on the CK too.

 

[cass]

I thought of another aspect to this topic. It's a bit heavy, but does happen I think. The "white picket fence" image has been used here. Well sometimes when you get up close the fence actually has barbed wire carefully entwined around the pickets and is camouflaged by the dazzling white paint...if ya know what I mean. The fence, the territorial thing ,for keeping people in? for keeping people out? it can happen. One partner can deliberately alienate friends and isolate their spouse. I've been involved with a domestic violence refuge for some time and it's rather shocking what one human will do to another...in the name of love?

I am sure this is not what this topic is referring to, but it's just an observation I have made about "white picket fences" before and wanted to share it. If your friend does really have a dramatic change in behaviour and goes "AWOL" it's sometimes good to discreetly find out why. Tricky tricky task that though, dangerous sometimes too. I take my hat off to the refuge workers, courageous women imho.

Woah, maybe this belongs in Free Your Mind....?

 

[Lemon Meringue]

cass, you have a good point. A very, very good friend of mine got married and her husband soon completely controlled her. A frightening thing. She now has nothing to do with ANY of her old friends. He talked her into moving across country. No one has heard from her for a long time. I often wonder about her and hope she is okay. I was one of the first people he managed to separate her from. It is complicated, but he played mind games to get control over her. She wouldn't linsten to anyone else...and now she is gone.

Of course, this is an extreme case, but it happens. People can sometimes lose themselves in a relationship. Very sad.

 

[notiti]

I Looooooooove being married! Even though Sorgie and I just met last weekend, I know we'll be together forever. WHEN IT'S RIGHT, IT'S RIGHT!

Tee hee
*whacks Sorgie on the butt

 

[Zoomerang96]

youve all seen nothing

my graduating class of 2000 had 99 graduates.

at this point, 24 are either married or engaged to be this summer.

again, we graduated from HIGH SCHOOL in the year 2000... 2000 AD...

seriously, what is wrong with those people?

and i still cant even look a girl in the eye.