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Old 06-02-2003, 04:12 PM   #1
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Warning: An Epidemic Is Spreading

The World Health Organisation (WHO) has just issued an urgent warning about BARS.

A newly identified problem has spread rapidly throughout the world. The disease, identified as BARS (Beer & Alcohol Requirement Syndrome) affects people of many different ages. Believed to have started in Ireland in 1500 BC, the disease seems to affect people who congregate in pubs and taverns or who just congregate.

It is not known how the disease is transmitted but approximately three billion people world-wide are affected, with thousands of new cases appearing every day. Early symptoms of the disease include an uncontrollable urge at 5:00pm to consume a beer or alcoholic beverage.

This urge is most keenly felt on Fridays. More advanced symptoms of the disease include talking loudly, singing off-key, aggression, heightened sexual attraction/confidence (even towards fuglies), uncalled for laughter, uncontrollable dancing and unprovoked arguing.

In the final stages of the disease, victims are often cross-eyed, and speak incoherently. Vomiting, loss of memory, loss of balance, loss of clothing and loss of virginity can also occur. Sometimes death ensues, usually accompanied by the victim shouting,

"Hey Fred, bet you can't do this!"

or

"Wanna see how fast it goes??"

If you develop any of these symptoms, it is important that you quarantine yourself in a pub with fellow victims until last call or all the symptoms have passed. Sadly, it is reported that the disease can reappear at very short notice or at the latest, on the following Friday.

Side effects for survivors include bruising, broken limbs, lost property, killer headaches and divorce.

On the up side, there is not, and probably never will be, a permanent cure.
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Old 06-02-2003, 04:13 PM   #2
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great i am glad i have this!
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Old 06-02-2003, 04:18 PM   #3
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omg Kat....


add me to the list of the latest sufferer of Bars!
Too fookin hilarious!!
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Old 06-02-2003, 04:29 PM   #4
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I like alcohol.
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Old 06-02-2003, 04:35 PM   #5
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I like to ding-aling-lang my dang-alang-ling-long!
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Old 06-02-2003, 04:37 PM   #6
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Quote:
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I like to ding-aling-lang my dang-alang-ling-long!
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Old 06-02-2003, 04:49 PM   #7
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I have it.

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Old 06-02-2003, 04:53 PM   #8
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they left off a symptom:

drunk phone calls to guys you like.
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Old 06-02-2003, 04:53 PM   #9
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Booze! The cause of, and cure to, all man's problems!
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Old 06-02-2003, 06:37 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by MissVelvetDress_75
they left off a symptom:

drunk phone calls to guys you like.

<----------------------


I do that EVERY SINGLE TIME.
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Old 06-02-2003, 06:59 PM   #11
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and you know it is bad when you have to pass your cell phone around and ask others to dial the number for you because you can't dial it properly.

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Old 06-02-2003, 07:13 PM   #12
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I get this several times a month, so add me to the list.
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Old 06-02-2003, 10:09 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by MissVelvetDress_75
and you know it is bad when you have to pass your cell phone around and ask others to dial the number for you because you can't dial it properly.

done that before
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Old 06-02-2003, 11:31 PM   #14
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Hooray for alcohol!!!!
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Old 06-03-2003, 02:09 AM   #15
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i happen to be in the advanced stages of a BARS attack right now.
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