Oh, yeah, true. I'd say it's becoming uncommon here, but that is partly due to de facto relationships being more socially acceptable (and legally acknowledged) than over your way. Hell, my aunt and uncle aren't actually married, but because they're de facto, they have all the legal standing of a married couple, and have been together since high school (aforementioned uncle turned 50 this week). So a lot of people here will move in with their partner when they go off to university and essentially live like a couple, but not bother to get married until well into their twenties, assuming the relationship even lasts. Kate gave me the distinct impression this was socially unacceptable in many quarters of the US, and it was one of her prime arguments why we would not flat together at university.
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Oh, yeah, true. I'd say it's becoming uncommon here, but that is partly due to de facto relationships being more socially acceptable (and legally acknowledged) than over your way. Hell, my aunt and uncle aren't actually married, but because they're de facto, they have all the legal standing of a married couple, and have been together since high school (aforementioned uncle turned 50 this week). So a lot of people here will move in with their partner when they go off to university and essentially live like a couple, but not bother to get married until well into their twenties, assuming the relationship even lasts. Kate gave me the distinct impression this was socially unacceptable in many quarters of the US, and it was one of her prime arguments why we would not flat together at university.
phillyfan26
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No one has any fucking clue what's going on at age 20 or 21.
bono_212
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Yeah, I went there first, made a list of bands that I liked, and double checked with her that they were New Wave. I'm almost done with my list now. I just need a couple more songs.
And a new copy of this one
phillyfan26
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Marriage is half religious, half legal here.
I think it's something that should be desired, just something that requires time and effort first. I mean, weddings and funerals are the two biggest gatherings of friends and families in your life, and ... well, yeah, you can tell the differences between those two things.
phanan
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phillyfan26
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I was barely 23.
But how long had you been together?
I don't literally mean "no one" but it's rare that people know what they're doing. And you can usually tell whether they're prepared or not.
Maybe I'm a bit cynical about it: of my parents' only siblings to get married that young, 2 of 3 ended in messy divorces.
Yeah, and I think one of my friends is stunningly illustrating that right now. She's one of my longest friends and the only one actually engaged. She's about to turn 21. Last year, in about April, she met this guy and fell for him straight away. Head over heels. By June, he had proposed. She was still 19 at the time. They're getting married in November this year, I think.
She's rather busy now and I don't talk to her that much, maybe once a week. But almost every time, there seems to be some kind of argument or dispute or tension between her and her fiancee. I've noticed this pattern developing since about February. She is still absolutely convinced he's the one, etc., etc., but warning signs are going off everywhere for me. I've tried to say things delicately, but the hints haven't got through and I'm a bit nervous to say anything more overtly.
Screwtape2
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Personally, I would want to be with a person and get married down the road. Why be apart because of social pressures? It is sort of romantic being two against the world.
phillyfan26
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My mother was 32 and my father was 27 when they were married. They'd been together for four years.
Screwtape2
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That's rough. It is nice she has a friend like you though.
LemonMelon
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That's quite helpful, although I disagree with a few of their choices. Wire?
Screwtape2
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I don't think age matters that much. You should be open in a relationship and find the right guy/girl. Tell them you will always care for them and always be there for them. That's the main building block in a relationship.
bono_212
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I couldn't believe I saw U2 on a few lists
bono_212
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My parents were married at 19 and 21, and I think it could've worked. They were married for ten years before things fell apart, but I think that had a lot more to do with problems with my dad then the two of them ever falling out of love with each other, but I don't know.
Screwtape2
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Yeah, I've got to admit I'm cynical too. I certainly believe it can happen and work, but more often than not, it's a spectacular failure. Of my own family (first age given is that of the male):
- Parents married at 24 and 21. Now divorced, live on opposite sides of the Tasman Sea.
- Maternal grandparents married at 20 and 18. Now divorced, live on opposite sides of the Tasman Sea.
- Paternal grandparents married at 20 and 24. Grandpa died in February, two months short of their 53rd wedding anniversary.
Of my three uncles and two aunts, the only relationship that has lasted is the aforementioned de facto couple, though to be fair two of my uncles are mentally disabled.
phanan
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Yeah, it's not perfect, but it's a good synopsis.
LemonMelon
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Age itself doesn't matter, but the "not having any fucking clue what's going on" part does. You can be ill-fit for marriage at any age. If more folks knew that, divorce rates would be lower, hence Axver using that argument earlier.
phanan
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We met freshman year in college.
phanan
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I can see Boy being on there.
bono_212
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Screwtape2
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That's why you have to be open and loving. Like I said tell them you will always care for and watch over them.
Yeah, for my maternal grandparents, I sometimes wonder if they would still be together if Grandad hadn't been such a fucking moron. He would bet inordinate sums of money on horses. Nan told him enough was enough and if he didn't stop blowing all their money, she would leave him.
He didn't believe her. Biggest mistake he ever made.
phillyfan26
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I guarantee that there's a trend of divorces decreasing as you look at older ages. It's just the facts: maturity bodes well for a relationship's success, and age bodes well for maturity.
I mean, for every Phanan, how many underprepared people were there?
Screwtape2
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Honestly, in my opinion, if they aren't the most important or one of the most important things in your life you probably shouldn't be together.
Yeah, exactly. A lot of people enter into stupid marriages at 40+, but I think it's safe to say that at about 20 or 21, less people have any fucking clue what's going on compared to those in their mid to late twenties. I remember when I was 17, I was told that the most dramatic changes in your own personality and life outlook take place around 18-21 and dismissed it with a quip of "I never change". But looking back on it now at the age of 21.5, I've changed shitloads and so have a good number of people I know. Getting married at the age of 20 just seems to be asking for trouble. You're still growing into who you are.
phanan
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This made me laugh. I don't know why.
Screwtape2
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You need to understand and flourish in love which comes when it is meant to. Not every relationship is meant to work but for two people to understand love and want to stay together you can succeed at any age.
LemonMelon
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