UberBeaver
Breakdancing Soul Pilgrim
My parents went away for a week on vacation, however, they left the keys to the Porsche. So I'm like, would they really mind? Nah, course not. I figure I'll just take it for a little spin, maybe show it off to a couple of friends, nothing big. I'll cruise around the neighborhood, not go too far. Then I start thinking: Maybe I shouldn't. Fuck that, yeah, of course I should.
Now, pay attention, this is where the plot gets thick. I pull up at a corner at the end of my block, and this girly-girl was walkin, so I pick up the phone to act like I’m talking. Dude, you should have seen the bodily dimensions, I honked once to get her attention. She’s all, “Was that for me?” I’m like, “Yeah”. She’s like, “Why?” I’m all, “C’mon and take a ride with a helluva guy.” She’s like “How do I know you’re not sick? What if you’re some kind of psychotic lunatic?”
I say, “Come on toots, my name is the Beav. Besides, would a lunatic have a Porshe, I mean geez?”
That convinced her, and we were on our way, and she was looking good, I must say. WORD! We hit Mickey Ds, got 2 big macs, 2 large fries and cokes. I start driving again and she kicks off her shoes and tells me to drive fast cause it turns her on. She put her hand on me, and I slammed the gas, almost got whiplash we took off so fast. I had the sunroof open and the music up high, and this girl was wworking her hand way up my thigh. I was like, DAYUM. She had the top three buttons open – so far, and that’s probably why I didn’t notice the police car. Yep/
I was doing 90 in my mother’s new Porsche, and, well, to make this long story short, when the cop pulled me over, I admit, I was scared as all hell. I’m like, “Officer, I don’t actually have a license, but c’mon, I drive pretty well? Right?”
I almost had a freakin heart attack that day. And get this – the gir? 12 year old runaway. No shit. So I got arrested, the car was impounded and I was 110% sure I was sooooo getting grounded.
My parents had to come off from vacation and get me, and seriously, I'd rather be in jail, than to have my father hit me. My parents walked in and I got my grip, I’m like, "Uh...mom, dad...How was your trip?!" They didn’t say a thing, I was like, “Wait – let me plead my case”, but my father just shoved me in the car by my face.
It was a hard ride home, I don't know how I survived it . And the fucked up thing: They took turns, one would beat me while the other was drivin'! I can't believe it! I just made a mistake.
Well, parents are the same, no matter time nor place. So tell you other kids all across the land, I don’t know what to say, but parents just don’t get it.
Now, pay attention, this is where the plot gets thick. I pull up at a corner at the end of my block, and this girly-girl was walkin, so I pick up the phone to act like I’m talking. Dude, you should have seen the bodily dimensions, I honked once to get her attention. She’s all, “Was that for me?” I’m like, “Yeah”. She’s like, “Why?” I’m all, “C’mon and take a ride with a helluva guy.” She’s like “How do I know you’re not sick? What if you’re some kind of psychotic lunatic?”
I say, “Come on toots, my name is the Beav. Besides, would a lunatic have a Porshe, I mean geez?”
That convinced her, and we were on our way, and she was looking good, I must say. WORD! We hit Mickey Ds, got 2 big macs, 2 large fries and cokes. I start driving again and she kicks off her shoes and tells me to drive fast cause it turns her on. She put her hand on me, and I slammed the gas, almost got whiplash we took off so fast. I had the sunroof open and the music up high, and this girl was wworking her hand way up my thigh. I was like, DAYUM. She had the top three buttons open – so far, and that’s probably why I didn’t notice the police car. Yep/
I was doing 90 in my mother’s new Porsche, and, well, to make this long story short, when the cop pulled me over, I admit, I was scared as all hell. I’m like, “Officer, I don’t actually have a license, but c’mon, I drive pretty well? Right?”
I almost had a freakin heart attack that day. And get this – the gir? 12 year old runaway. No shit. So I got arrested, the car was impounded and I was 110% sure I was sooooo getting grounded.
My parents had to come off from vacation and get me, and seriously, I'd rather be in jail, than to have my father hit me. My parents walked in and I got my grip, I’m like, "Uh...mom, dad...How was your trip?!" They didn’t say a thing, I was like, “Wait – let me plead my case”, but my father just shoved me in the car by my face.
It was a hard ride home, I don't know how I survived it . And the fucked up thing: They took turns, one would beat me while the other was drivin'! I can't believe it! I just made a mistake.
Well, parents are the same, no matter time nor place. So tell you other kids all across the land, I don’t know what to say, but parents just don’t get it.
Sounds like a scene from a movie. And you like to hear yourself talk.
