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Old 05-07-2003, 01:52 PM   #1
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wink this is how i prefer to do domestic type things...

yes another e-mail sent to me during working hrs.


Martha vs. Me!

Martha's Way #1:
Stuff miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

My Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.


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Martha's Way #2:
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

My Way:
Buy mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.


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Martha's Way #3:
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

My Way:
Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.


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Martha's Way #4:
If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up".

My Way:
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. My motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad you think it tastes.


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Martha's Way #5:
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

My Way:
Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't rub a lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then the problem isn't the headache anymore, it is because you are now BLIND!


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Martha's Way #6:
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

My Way:
Leftover wine? When the hell does THAT happen?


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Martha's Way #7:
If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

My Way:
Go ask the neighbor with the cute butt to do it.


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Martha's Way #8:
Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse.

My Way:
Mashed potatoes will now be replacing the antibacterial soap in the handy dispenser next to my sink.
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Old 05-07-2003, 01:53 PM   #2
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I've gotten this email before.. very funny
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Old 05-07-2003, 02:05 PM   #3
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Old 05-07-2003, 02:06 PM   #4
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my favorite is this one:

[q]

Martha's Way #6:
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

My Way:
Leftover wine? When the hell does THAT happen?
[/q]
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Old 05-07-2003, 02:16 PM   #5
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That's hilarious!
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Old 05-07-2003, 02:26 PM   #6
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omfg


i immediately sent that to my mom
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Old 05-07-2003, 02:34 PM   #7
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Who knew potatoes were so handy?
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Old 05-07-2003, 03:32 PM   #8
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that is hillarious!!!


the wine one is my favorite
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Old 05-07-2003, 03:46 PM   #9
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I loved it--- funny as hell!
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Old 05-07-2003, 04:33 PM   #10
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I have noticed martha stewart referred to here, but I didn't know who she is. At last....she had a guest spot on South Park the other night. I presume that was her. She was doing amazing things with a turkey.....




gross.


cure for headaches: take a lime, mix it with some vodka and cranberry juice...lots and lots of vodka and cranberry juice and then go tell those arseholes exactly what you think of them.

**cass impersonates Sid Vicious**
I did it myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy waaaaaaaaaay.



Magic...headache gone.
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Old 05-07-2003, 04:40 PM   #11
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martha would be proud..how I prefer to do domestic type things

a picture of domesticity
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Old 05-07-2003, 06:12 PM   #12
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Re: this is how i prefer to do domestic type things...

Quote:
Originally posted by MissVelvetDress_75
Martha's Way #4:
If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up".

My Way:
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. My motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad you think it tastes.
damn straight
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Old 05-08-2003, 10:14 PM   #13
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Re: this is how i prefer to do domestic type things...

rub a lime on your foehead....?...for a headache


Not sure that was in the routine for headache relief I remember...hmmm

lick the salt
drink the tequila
BITE the lime....
lick the salt
drink the tequila
toss the lime
lick the table where you spilled the salt
drink the shot..what was that I didn't taste anything ?
Lime?what do you do with the fruit?hmmm....
drink the shot..salt what?
fruit...is there any food?
few of these you might still have a screaming headache but you won't care anymore.....

oh I know...sex relieves headaches...I won't elaborate how that ties in...lol
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Old 05-08-2003, 10:32 PM   #14
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Old 05-08-2003, 10:44 PM   #15
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Re: Re: this is how i prefer to do domestic type things...

Quote:
Originally posted by therulz



oh I know...sex relieves headaches...I won't elaborate how that ties in...lol
maybe i have had some bad sex in the past because it has never relieved my headaches.

the last thing i want to do when i have a headache is get it on. i would probably end up throwing up during the act.

ok, TMI i know.
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