MissVelvetDress_75
Blue Crack Addict
yes another e-mail sent to me during working hrs. 
Martha vs. Me!
Martha's Way #1:
Stuff miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
My Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
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Martha's Way #2:
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
My Way:
Buy mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
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Martha's Way #3:
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
My Way:
Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.
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Martha's Way #4:
If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up".
My Way:
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. My motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad you think it tastes.
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Martha's Way #5:
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
My Way:
Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't rub a lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then the problem isn't the headache anymore, it is because you are now BLIND!
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Martha's Way #6:
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
My Way:
Leftover wine? When the hell does THAT happen?
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Martha's Way #7:
If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
My Way:
Go ask the neighbor with the cute butt to do it.
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Martha's Way #8:
Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse.
My Way:
Mashed potatoes will now be replacing the antibacterial soap in the handy dispenser next to my sink.
Martha vs. Me!
Martha's Way #1:
Stuff miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
My Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Martha's Way #2:
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
My Way:
Buy mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Martha's Way #3:
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
My Way:
Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Martha's Way #4:
If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up".
My Way:
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. My motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad you think it tastes.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Martha's Way #5:
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
My Way:
Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't rub a lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then the problem isn't the headache anymore, it is because you are now BLIND!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Martha's Way #6:
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
My Way:
Leftover wine? When the hell does THAT happen?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Martha's Way #7:
If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
My Way:
Go ask the neighbor with the cute butt to do it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Martha's Way #8:
Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse.
My Way:
Mashed potatoes will now be replacing the antibacterial soap in the handy dispenser next to my sink.
maybe i have had some bad sex in the past because it has never relieved my headaches. 
i would probably end up throwing up during the act. 
