The Ultimate "Simpsons" Quote Thread

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

"To Alcohol! The cause and solution to-all of life's problems."

"D'oh!"

"Somebody quick, do CPR!"
"I see a bad moon rising..."

"Hello Moe's Tavern."
"Is Mr. Freely there?"
"Who?"
"Freely. First initials I.P."
"Hold on, I'll check (calls out) is I.P. Freely here? I.P. Freely?"

"The following is a public service announcement. Excessive alcohol can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum."
"Mmm... Beer."

"I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES."

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."



Any more?

 

[bonosloveslave]

"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t."

 

[Schmeg]

"I am so great, I am so great, everybody loves me, I am so great!"

"Simpson...Homer Simpson...He's the greatest guy in history...From the town of Springfield...He's about to hit a chestnut tree!"

 

[IWasBored]

(headache's going to love this thread)


"badger my ass"

 

[The_Sweetest_Thing]

"Oh Margie, you came and you found me a turkey, on my vacation away from workey"

" 'Dear Homer. I owe you one brain. Signed: God.' DOH!"

"I ch-ch-choose you!"

"Nobody ever suspects the butterfly"

 

[filledeperle]

"Ha-HA!"

"Eeex-cellent"

"And remember when I let that escpaed convict into the house because he was dressed like Santa Claus? Well, that's nothing 'cause you have a gambling problem!"

"Hi, everrrry-body!"

"Can you open my milk carton for me, Mommy?"

 

[U2SavesTheWorld]

"This tastes like grandma."
"When I grow up I'm going to be a principal, or a caterpillar!"
Ralph are you eating paste again?
?The only thing I?m high on is love. Love for my son and daughters. Yes, a little LSD is all I need.?

?Now my story begins in 19-dickety-two. We had to say ?dickety? cause the Kaiser had stolen our word ?twenty?. I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles.?

"I'm an old man. I hate everything but 'Matlock'. Oooh! It's on now."

"Dear Mr. President,
There are too many states nowadays.
Please eliminate three.
P.S. I am not a crackpot."

?I?ve figured out an alternative to giving up my beer. Basically, we become a family of travelling acrobats.?

 

[cujo]

"... I thought I'd wallow in my own crapulence" -Mr.Burns

"...it begins..." (Barney's transformation back to a drunk)

"... the mans talking about waste management... that affects the whole damn planet..."(Bono)

"... that dumb, fat, and bald guy sure plays some mean hardball" (Moe)

"WAAAAAAAAAa"(anytime Moe meets a girl)

 

[cujo]

"when I grow up I'm going to Bovine University"- Ralph

 

[cujo]

"GREASE ME UP WOMAN!!!"

 

[cujo]

"Powell makes a Pow Pow Powerful car"

"My name... Max Power"

"geez were two twelve year old boys in Toronto... we should be having the time of our lives"

"that's right, she's with the House now"(milhouse)

 

[cujo]

whatcha... eeeeoooohhhooo- Side Show Bob...

"damn those rakes... my arch-nemesis"

 

[Stories for Boys]

"right, lisa...a magical meat animal..."
"maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatlooooooooooooooock"
"hey swiss miss, there's no missing you!"
"if i hadn't already packed my scissors, i'd give you such a stabbing..."
"is this mad magazine??" "no, it's madamoiselle. we're buying the sign on an installment plan..."

simpsons

 

[cujo]

"ahhhh... a Grammy"

 

[Stories for Boys]

save the queen!
which one's the queen?
i'm the queen!
no you're not!

 

[cujo]

"that's not a knife... that's a spoon"- Bart
"I see you've played knifey-spoony before" - some Australian guy

"oh what the heck... white wine spritzer...spritzer...spritzer"- Flanders

"awww, hot fudge... and I just got all the gum out of my armpits" -Moe

"In the Garden of Eden" - sung in church

 

[Stories for Boys]

hi. i'm troy mcclure. you may remember me from such medical films as "alice doesn't live anymore" and "mommy, what's wrong with that man's face?"

ha ha...hey, that hurts. no wonder nobody came to my birthday party.

now this is real acid, so i want to see goggles, people...goggles!
ahh..the goggles, they do nothing..it buuuuuuuuuurns!

milhouse, we've got to do the jimminy jillikers sceen again
but we already did it. it took 10 hours, but we did it.
but we've got to do it from different angles, again and again...and again and again and again!

 

[cujo]

Are those people booing? - Mr. Burns

No sir they're saying... boo-urns... - Smithers

Are you all saying boo-urns?- Mr. Burns

No!!!- Audience

I was saying Boo-urns...- Hans Moleman

 

[Hallelujah Here She Comes]

"Na na na na na na!!! Leader!!!!"

"He couldn't find ugly at a Radcliffe mixer"

"SAVE ME JEBUS!!!!"

"Everybody's hugging!"

"Maya Angelou is black???"

"My cat's breath smells like catfood."

"There is no emoticon to describe what I am feeling!"

*stops*

 

[The_Sweetest_Thing]

"I bent my wookie."


*rates this thread 5 stars*

 

[cujo]

"no beer and no tv makes Homer go CRAZY"

 

[Hallelujah Here She Comes]

"Hey everyone. Larry Flynt is right." -Homer

"Hidey ho neglectorinos!!" -Flanders

 

[Hallelujah Here She Comes]

"Hey, are you hugging the TV again??" -Homer

"Quiet you kids. If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons, and Lisa doesn't get to go to college." -Homer

"Bart, stop pestering Satan!" -Marge

"I'm so f***ing embarrassed..." -Marge

 

[Stories for Boys]

the leader is good, the leader is great. we surrender our will as of this date

who robs catfish of their sight? who rigs every oscar night? we do...we do...

buenos di-ding-diddly-dias

good day...diddly...doodley

aren't you a good little crustacean?
did you, like, learn that from a teacher?
no...no............i saw it on baywatch!
oh....baywatch...cool...heh...oh....david hasselhof...

 

[cujo]

"Escape from Baboon County USA"

 

[*TaylorMae*]

"Lukes father is chewbacca! Oh!"-Comic book store guy

"Remember Alf!? He's back! In Pog form!"-Milhouse

"Remember when you tried to tell me I never had a goldfish, so why did I have the bowl Bart, WHY DID I HAVE THE BOWL!?"-Milhouse

"mmmm unexplained bacon"-homer

"Hm, floor pie"-Homer

"I'm somewhere were I don't know where I am"-Homer

 

[Stories for Boys]

and i sent those monkeys flying like two hairy footballs

they say your folks can't pay the rent, so we're watching you by act of government. i don't know if those allegations are true but you've got us and baby we've got you. babe. we've got you babe...

 

[Hallelujah Here She Comes]

"-I'm a mur-didley-urdler!!!
-If that's not Flanders, he's done his homework"

 

[Stories for Boys]

hello mein family. i have returned.

i'll see you at the island. yes....the island *insert freaky look here*

 

[Ultraviolet Light]

*ahem* *cracks knuckles*

"Join us Homer, it's bliiiiiiiis."

"Red Room. Red Room. *points* Over there."

"Look daddy, I'm a jealous jockey!"
"I'm a torso!"

"See you in hell, brussel sprouts!"

"Ve have Mountain Dew or crab juice."
"Blecch! Ew! Sheesh! I'll take a crab juice!"

Alison: We take proper names and rearrange the letters to form a description of that person.
Alison's Father: Like, er...oh, I don't know, uh...Alec Guinness.
Alison: Genuine class!
Alison's Father: Very good. All right, Lisa, um...Jeremy Irons.
Lisa: Jeremy's...iron.
Alison's Father: Mm hmm, well that's...very good...for a first try. You know what? I have a ball. Perhaps you'd like to bounce it?

Bart: I'll dig an outhouse!
Lisa: I'll weed the floor!
Marge: I'll repress the rage I'm feeling!
Homer: That's my girl. Let the agriculture begin!

Marge: More tumbleweed, Lisa?
Lisa: No thankth. I'm thtill finithing my thithleth.

"Dad, this might be one of those things you should go to the hospital for."
"After pie."