The Ultimate "Simpsons" Quote Thread

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Can't sleep, clown will eat me, can't sleep, clown will eat me- Bart about that creepy clown bed homer made


Bart: Hello. Is Homer there?

Moe: Homer who?

Bart: Homer Sexual

Moe: Wait one second, let me check.(to the bar)
Homer Sexual.Ah, Come on, come on, One of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual

Moe: Oh no, you rotten little punk! If I ever get ahold of you, I'll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off!
 
*episode where Marge and Homer start to spice up their love life by having sex in public places...*

*M & H crawl into windmill at the mini-golf course*

Marge: Oh, our old love nest!
Homer: Yeah...this brings me right back to that magical evening when I knocked you up.
Marge: Heehee, oh we drank so much that night!
Homer: hehehehe, yeah, I thought Bart would be born an idiot! Hahaha...
Marge: Heh heh heh...he.....heh.....hmm.

*Toronto, Curling for Loonies*

Commentator #1: Oooooh, and it looks like two young yankeee dooodles are causin' one dandy of stirrr!

#2: Both of our viewers will be so pleased!
 
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"Knife goes in - guts come out, Knife goes in - guts come out, Knife goes in - guts come out." the squid in the factory when the simpsons are in japan working in the fish factory

"arrrrrhhh mate" sea captian guy

"what the.... bloody hell" bono
 
*TaylorMae* said:
Computer Welcome: Hello Smithers, You're quite good at turning me on

Smithers: Uhh, you probably should ignore that

worst rip-off since the plow king... I already went through the whole Smithers- Burns thing...

but it was good enough to be mentioned twice.
 
Smithers in a confessional, "I'm not actually catholic, but I did march in a St. Patrick's Day parade in Boston once."

Homer referring to the possums living in the monorail emergency brake compartment, "I call the big one bitey."

Donuts...is there anything they can't do?

Homer on payphone: "Hello, Dean, you are a stupid head"...Dean looks out window, sees Homer on payphone, "Homer is that you?"...Homer hangs up phone and runs, "AAAHHH!"
 
i bought that at pink floyd's garage sale!

no, your mom's cool....if we were at my place my mom would all be bustin' in with rice krispie squares and tang...

quoth the raven: "eat my shorts"

tiny tim and fleetwood mac
coming out of my eight track
micheal jackson still was black
those were the daaaaaaaaaaaaays

bart was feeling mighty blue
it's a shame what school can do
for no reason here's apu
those were the daaaaaaaaaaaaays
 
it's just a little dirty, it's still good! it's still good!
it's just a little wet, it's still good! it's still good!
it's just a little airborn, it's still good! it's still good!
dad, it's gone...

i think i'll write a check to that orphanage...WHEN PIGS FLY! *laughter*
um, sir...will you be writing that check now?
i'd still prefer not to...
 
yeah..i like homer..i think he's a nice guy..but i'm definately gonna make orphans of his children

um, they do have a mother

yeah, but i assume she'll die of grief...
 
"Conga like you mean it! Please don't make me shock you!" --Mr. Burns

"Ah, precious memories!" --Homer, watching the video of himself and Flanders getting married in Vegas

"You are what we like to call in Latin a dorkus malorkus."
"That's not Latin!" --Bart and Lisa

"He's the love-matic grampa!" --theme song

"Hitler is a jerk...Mussolini..." --Homer singing in his car outside an Isotopes game
 
Tenneseein' is Tennebelievin'! --billboard

"You are hearing me talk." --Talking Al Gore doll
 
"Worst episode ever" - Comic Book Guy

"Don't you hate pants?!?" - Homer to Krusty

"I'm Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band...I hope you will enjoy my show" - Apu

"Rock stars, is there anything they don't know?" Homer

"Australia, America, Australia, America..."
(US guard punches Homer)
"Here in America we don't that kinda crap sir!"

"Yoink!" - Various

"Look guys, I got a Springfield spoon for my spoon collection" - :adam:

"There's my milk money....and there's my milk." Ralph after Bart "healed" him.

"I hate every ape I see, from chimpan-a to chimpan-b, but they'll never make a monkey out of meeeee." Troy McClure

(Homer eating peanuts, one drops under the sofa. Homer tries to find it)
"Eeewww, slimy....owww, pointy....AHHHH!!!, moving!! Awww, twenty dollars."
Homer's brain - "Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts"
"Explain how!"
"Money can be exchanged for goods and sevices" - Homer's brain
"Woo-hoo!!"

"Oh no, here we go" - :edge:

"Quiet you!" - Homer to :bono:

"Wow, look at him go. You're the real Lord of the Dance, Homer" - :bono:

"But we had a handshake agreement with the concert promoter...and that's a sacred bond" - Roger Daltrey
"Sacred Bond" - The Who

"It's been done" - George Harrison


:wave:

~J

As soon as I remember more, I'll be sure to post them. :yes:
 
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Homer: Oh my God that man is my exact double! OH MY GOD - THAT DOG HAS A PUFFY TAIL!!! Here puff!!


Disco Stu: Disco Stu has ouzo for Twozo

Disco Stu: Disco Stu doesn't advertise.

Duff Man: Duff Man Can't Breath! OH NO!


Sonic Youth:"Hullabaluza isn't about freaks. It's about music, and advertising, and youth oriented product placement."
Cypriss Hill: "That and getting toasted - nicely toasted."


Cousin Merle:Geetch has gone to heaven Mr. Ter-wiliger.

Cletus:"Hey Brandine I found this shirt what you could wear to work." Holds up shirt with tassles that says "Classy Lassy."
Brandine:"Awwww Cletus - you know I gotta wear the shirt what Dairy Queen give me."


Cletus:Hey I could call My Ma from up here. HEY MA - GET OFF THE DANG ROOF!!!

Marge:Homer you can't keep hanging out with these Globus monkeys - somebody is going to get parasites.

Lisa:"At this rate I probably wont even get into Vasser."
Homer"I've had just about enough of your Vasser bashing young lady!!!"

Homer:"Lisa! In the house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!!!"

Principle Skinner:Great job Nibbles - now chew through my ball sack.

Homer:That's Lenny?? Awwww I wanted the black one!!

Marge:Grandpa I hate to tell you this but she's a stone cold hootchie.

Reverend Lovejoy:Everyone is saying "Gabbo this and Gabbo that." But no one is saying "Worship this, and Jericho that."




That should do for now....
Nice thread.
 
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He's so small but he tries so big -Homer (after seeing Rudy)
 
Flanders: "Apparently heaven is easier to get into than Arizona State."

Duff Man: "Duff Man is thrusting in the direction of the problem!"

"You must be at least this swarthy to enter." --sign outside a dance club

Schoolmaster, slapping at Homer: "Monkeys point."
Homer: "Monkeys cry."
 
Basstrap said:
Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."

This gets my vote for best quote. :up:
 
"No TV, no beer makes Homer go something, something" - Homer
"Go Crazy?" - Marge
"Don't mind if I do!" - Homer

"Leave my wife and kids! Take me!" - Homer
Zombies tap on his head, and leave: "Brains, brains, brains..."

"Smithers, I invited a new plane. I call it the Spruce-Moose! It can make a trans-atlantic flight in 17 seconds!" - Burns
"That's an interesting model, sir."
"Model?"

"It would be a nice departure from the Do As We Say Festival, started by German settlers in 1946" - Kent Brockman

"Leave him alone, he's just a kid"
"I'll show them who's just a kid!" - Bart
"Bart! Time for bed! I laid out your jammy-jams!" - Marge

"Is there anyone in this room who does not wish to kill this woman?" - lawyer
All hands go up, including one of Marge's sisters (I forget which)
"Oh, she's always leaving the toilet seat up!"

"Uh-oh! My heart just stoppped!" - Barney - "Ah, there it goes!"

"Oh, hi I'm Troy McClure! You may remember from some self-help videos such as Smoke Yourself Thin and Get Confidence, Stupid!"

"If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room" - Lisa
"What kind of a catch phrase is that?" - Homer
 
"Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub!" - Bart

"Lis, today I am a god" - Bart
"Is that why you are sitting on an ice-cream sandwich?" - Lisa

"Dad, how would you feel if no one allowed you to watch the moon landing?" - Lisa
"Yummy, yummy, I got love in my tummy..." - Homer

"Mom, what was my first word?" - Bart
"Aye carumba!" - Baby Bart
"Oh gee Bart, I don't know" - Marge

"Oh cry for me, I'm already dead." - Barney in film
"Wow, I'll never have another beer" - Homer
"Beer here!"
"I'll take ten"

"This is not a library!"

"Thank you, and come again!"

:up: cool thread
 
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Comic book guy.

"Ohh how I have wasted my Life" Comic book guy.


"It taste Like burning" Ralph


"Son, here in America we dont quit when things dont go our way. We just do a real Half Assed job." Homer
 
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