The Ultimate "Simpsons" Quote Thread

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glove slap baby glove slap...glove slap, don't take no crap...the glove slap is a little thing that gets you satisfaction....

sp? the scarlett pimpernell???

i'm sorry, what did you say? i was lost in your eyes...........

aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! purple drapes! i've always wanted purple drapes! aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!

you're right! this does taste like grandma!
 
"awwwww... The Denver Broncos"

"What... what's wrong with the Denver Broncos?"

"You just don't understand football Marge"

"Quick everyone... to the Lemon Tree"

"Sounds like Springfield has a discipline problem... maybe that's why we beat them in Football nearly half the time"
 
Simpson, Homer Simpson. I'm the smartest man in history.
From the town of Springfield, I'm about to hit a chestnut tree!

(I have no idea if this one has been done before, I really dont want to read the whole thing. I just couldnt be let out of something like this)
 
cujo said:
D'oh... its already been said.
Click to expand...

I'll try another...


Look at him, standing on his hind legs like that. He looks just like.... Smithers, who is that who's always stading on his hind legs and walking?

Rory Calhoon?

Yes! That's it. He looks just like Rory Calhoon.
 
You rascal - Mr. Burns
You rapscalian - Mr. Burns
You scalliwag - Mr. Burns


I'm quite enjoying this so called "iced cream" - Mr. Burns

I just treated this like the one liners thread - u2popmofo
 
Let's visit some homoerotic fantasies from Mr. Smithers:

"you know that dream where they fly in through your window" -Burns

"Oh yes sir" Smithers


"Hello Smithers... you really turn me on"-Burns computer animation

"Just ignore that"- Smithers

"Happy Birthday Mr. Smithers"

...

"Whip it ... licorice whip... whip it... licorice whip... I said whip it... licorice whip" - Smithers
 
"See my vest, see my vest, see my vesssst!"

Lisa: Grandpa, that flag only has 49 stars!
Grampa: I'll be dead in my grave before I recognize Missour-a!

Neddy: Hehe, knock that off, you two! It's time for church!
Rod and Todd: We're not going to church today.
Ned: Whhhhaaaaaaat? You give me one good reason!
Rod and Todd: Hahaha, it's Saturday!!!
Ned: Ohhh hehehe okely dokely doo!

*Bart offers Rod and Todd pixie stix*
Todd: Ohhhh thank you, but we're not allowed...
Bart: There's no sugar in pixie stix!

*family goes school shopping, sign says "CATCH BACK TO SCHOOLIOSIS*

Lisa: Collllllllllege ruuuulllllled....:drool:
Marge: Bart, why are you buying only paper clips and rubber bands? Don't you need a notebook or something?
Bart: Eh, we do everything on computers.

*EXTRA EXTRA TODD SMELLS*
Todd smells? Aw, I already knew that.
 
The Bigfoot diet...Pork Chops aplenty

Ohhh...why do all the bad things taste so good.

Lisa: Mom's sure gonna be happy you won all that money gambling on football
Homer: You'd think so wouldn't you.
 
##########################################
Dr Nick: "If you want to gain weight, be creative. Instead of making a sandwich with bread, use Pop-Tarts, instead of chewing celery sticks, chew bacon.

Bart: "Hey, you could start brushing your teeth with milk-shakes!"

Dr. Nick: "Did you attend Upstairs, Hollywood Medical School too?"
##########################################

Nerd: "Mr Simpson your final exam is in three days! Have you even started to studying?"

Homer: "Well, actually I have a plan. I'll hide under some coats and hope that everything works out!"

Nerd: "No your not, because with our help you're going to cram like your never CRAMMED before!"

Homer: "Whatever....either way will work."
##########################################

Planet of the Apes: The Musical: "Dr. Zaus, Dr. Zaus (to the tune of "Rock Me Amadeus")...."Stop! The human is about to escape"...."Get your paws off me you di-r--ty ape!"....."He can talk.....He can talk? He can talk!"....."I can SIIIINNNNNGGGGGG!!!!!"
 
Homer: Ahh, not a bear in sight. The bear patrol must be working like a charm.
Lisa: That's spacious reasoning dad.
Homer: Thank you honey.
Lisa: By you're logic, i can claim that this rock keeps tigers away.
Homer: Hmm..how does it work?
Lisa: It doesn't work.
Homer: Uh huh.
Lisa: Its just a stupid rock!
Homer: Uh huh.
Lisa: But you don't see any tigers around here, do you?
Homer: (looks around, thinks) Lisa, I wanna buy your rock.

************************************

Bart: Cool! Personalized plates! Barcley, Barry, Barry, Bert, Bort...come on...Bort?
Kid: Mommy mommy! Buy me a license plate!
Mom: No! Come along Bort!
Guy: Are you talking to me?
Mom: No, my son's name is also Bort
...later...
Control Guy: We need more Bort liscence plates in the gift shop! I repeat, we are sold out of Bort liscence plates!

Melon
 
i am the lindberg baby! gaa gaa goo goo. i miss my fly fly da da

HEY! LOVE DAY WAS YESTERDAY, JERK!

are you crazy? or just senile?
a little from column a, a little from column b...

um, dad....towel bar...
 
Ooh! A stickey spot!

Mr. Simspon, you're licking blood and VapoRub!

Something in me knew that...
 
Homer: *sings*

I'm dancin away my hunger pangs
I'm movin my feet so my stomach won't hurt
I'm kinda like Jesus but not in a sacreligious way

Lenny: something i can't remember...props to whoever can...
Carl: Yeah, but his weary shuffling makes my heart smile.
 
"Get out of the trash and into my car"- Homer

...

"Hello my name is Mr. Burns"- Homer

"Ok Mr. Burns what's your first name"- Bank teller

"I don't know..."- Homer *walks away*
 
*Gasp* " Furious George, what have they done to you?" -Mr. Burns

... that's my all time favorite
 
"There there Homer. You've caused plenty of industrial accidents, but you've always bounced back"-Marge


Homer: Doc, this is all too much. I mean, my son, a genius?"
Dr.Pryer:Well, genius-level intelligence is usually the result of heredity and enviroment...
(Pryor sees Homer staring blankly)
Dr.Pryor: Uh...Although in some cases it's a total mystery

Bart: Is Jacques there?
Moe: Who?
Bart: Jacques, Last name Strap
Moe: Hold on (calling out) Jacques Strap! Hey guys, I'm lookin for a Jacques Strap!
 
Last edited:
My quote is simple, its constant, unwavering, and memorible...it will be.....
"EX-CELL-ENT" - Mr. Burns
"SMITHERS, TAKE OFF MY BELT! with pleasure sir!" -Mr. Burns and Smithers
 
Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day."

Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."
 
"-Bah pish-poash, everybody knows our mutants have 3 flippers! Oh whoops perhaps I've said too much. Smithers use the Amnesia ray.
-You mean the revolver sir
-Precisely " - Mr. Burns and Smithers
 
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