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Old 12-11-2005, 10:24 PM   #1
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The real airlines!

Having escaped intact from the FYM wrestling match tonight, I thought it was time for some cheerful, pointless nonsense.

So. Airline related acronyms, past and present. What do they really stand for? (I may have done this before, but never mind.) Let's have a look...


DHL Damaged, Hidden or Lost
Desperately Hopelessly Lost


BOAC Better On A Camel

Alitalia Always Late In Transit, Always Late In Arrival
Airplane Landed In Tokyo And Luggage In Atlanta
A Little Italian Tit And Lotsa Italitan Ass

QANTAS Quite A Nice Trip, Any Survivors?

American
Airline Meals Eaten Regularly Induces Cramps and
Nausea

AUA Almost Unknown Airline

AWA Always Wasting Assets

BA Bloody Awful
British Apoplectic

BEA Better Eat Afterwards


AA Always Awful
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Old 12-11-2005, 10:25 PM   #2
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Two of my favourites:

PIA

Perhaps I Arrive
Please Inform Allah
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Old 12-11-2005, 10:30 PM   #3
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Air India
After I Return I'll never Do It Again

BWIA
Baggage Wandering In Africa
Better Walk If you're Able
But Will I Arrive?

Alitalia
Always Late In Transit, Always Late In Arrival
Airplane Landed In Tokyo And luggage In Alaska

LIAT
Late If At All
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Old 12-11-2005, 10:42 PM   #4
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Old 12-11-2005, 10:44 PM   #5
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AW, U2SavesTheWorld, do you not like air acronyms?
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Old 12-11-2005, 10:45 PM   #6
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Eh.

I like funny ones. You know, ones not generally dealing with plane crashes.

But, thats just me.
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Old 12-11-2005, 10:53 PM   #7
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oh no, mk. it's not just you.

i literally cringed at most of those.
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Old 12-11-2005, 10:54 PM   #8
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Oh, good grief. Here we go. I'll whinge too then. Wah!

*goes away and has a cigarette, becomes less grouchy*

I do see your point and it's a good one... but despite the fact that I've flown all my life and I'm STILL petrified of being airborne, I've always found some of these alternative names quite funny - in a kind of warped way. Largely because they're not serious or a big deal. The reality is, obviously, very different.

I nearly died on a RyanAir flight once and I guess humour is my way of dealing with it. The acronyms are just silly, and don't bother me, despite my experience. That's just me.

Crashes are so rare anyway considering the amount of planes that fly, it didn't really occur to me that people would immediately bother getting upset by a bunch of acronyms which are intentionally ridiculous and over the top. (Unless of course they'd experienced it for real in some way - like I have - or lost someone. In which case, I am genuinely sorry.)

In future I shall stick to the likes of SABENA: Such a bloody experience, never again.

Well, I dunno. It is STILL a more cheerful alternative to the thread I was on about when I started this post. I'm back 5 minutes and in this zone already. I didn't mean to rattle anyone's cage, honestly.

Christ on a bike. Not a plane.
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Old 12-11-2005, 11:22 PM   #9
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Argh this is making me nervous and I am flying this week....haven't been on a plane in over 10 years!
Boy am I in for a treat, yes?


Here's one, my uncle flew for TWA and we called it:

TEENY WEENIE AIRLINES
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Old 12-11-2005, 11:31 PM   #10
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I'm a dreadful flier... I remember flying Swissair a few years ago and I got really freaked out as we were about to take off. They fed me some sort of pill to shut me up. There were a bunch of kids in the next row who started laughing at me. Whenever they saw me looking at them, they took up the brace position and asked for my lifejacket! Little sods. It doesn't stop me being somewhat amused by British Airways being changed to Bloody Atrocious, though.

It's still the safest form of travel! (I know - hearing that never stopped me being nervous, either!)
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Old 12-11-2005, 11:35 PM   #11
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Re: The real airlines!

Quote:
Originally posted by sallycinnamon78

Alitalia Airplane Landed In Tokyo And Luggage In Atlanta
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Old 12-11-2005, 11:47 PM   #12
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QUANTAS
Quit Air-travel, Next Time Approach Ship

AER LINGUS
Arousing Erotic Randy Ladies In Nice Green Uniform Suits.

DELTA
Directed Everybody's Luggage To Atlanta
Doesn't Even Leave The Airport

PA (Philippine Airways)
Please Avoid

OLYMPIC
Onassis Likes Your Money Paid In Cash

RYANAIR
Running Your Ailing National Airline Into Receivership

SABENA
Such A Bad Experience - Never Again
Send All Baggage Everywhere Never Arriving
Select A Better European National Airline

SAS
Same As Sabena
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Old 12-12-2005, 12:02 AM   #13
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TWA
Try Walking Across
Tomorrow We'll Arrive

EL AL
Every Landing Always Late
Everyones Luggage Always Lost


GULF AIR
Get Used to Late Flights - Aircraft In Repair

TACA
Take Another Carrier Always
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Old 12-12-2005, 12:16 AM   #14
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Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, known as "squawks," submitted by QANTAS pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way QANTAS is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

http://www.pbbt.com/Directory/Jokes/2335.html
P = The problem logged by the pilot.

S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
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Old 12-12-2005, 12:18 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by sallycinnamon78

EL AL
Every Landing Always Late
Heh, I was looking to fly home from LA this year and wanted to catch an El Al flight that was going to Tel Aviv with a layover in Toronto. The price was really good and I like their security measures and level of professionalism, generally speaking.

But my travel agent said she has a policy of trying to dissuade customers from flying with them because there have been countless occasions of people waiting in security lines for 3-4 HOURS. That's how carefully they screen. So then they'd bitch her out for missing their connecting flight.

And you know, true enough, I was at LAX, you should have seen the El Al counter. It's absolutely unreal.
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