The Random Seinfeld Quotes Thread

[pepokiss]

Kramer: "Jerry, FDR wants me dead!"

George: "Who's FDR?"

Kramer: "My friend.. Franklin Delano Romanowski"



when I heard that I just burst into tears

 

[BrownEyedBoy]

Kramer: Look away, I'm hideous!!

 

[Lila64]

don't know if this one was posted:

"My name is George. I am unemployed and I live with my parents."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kramer: Jackie, you did it. We're rich!
Jackie: You better believe it. Jackie's cashin' in on your wretched disfigurement!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I drive them to lesbianism, he brings 'em back." --George

~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"Worlds are colliding!! George is gettin very upset!!" --George

 

[maro_chik]

Elaine: "No wait! *I'm* not a lesbian! I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian!"

 

[Dismantled]

George in the Hamptons....."It's like I'm Neil Armstrong. I turn around for a sip of Tang, and you jump out first!"

Kramer...."Jerry, you got any Tums?"
"Stomach ache?"
"I drank too much water in the shower."

Elaine and Soup Nazi "Um, excuse me, I - I think you forgot my bread."
"Bread, two dollars extra."
"Two dollars? But everyone in front of me got free bread."
"You want bread?"
"Yes, please."
"Three dollars!"
"What?"
"No soup for you!"

festivus "I find tinsel distracting."

 

[Dismantled]

Newman: Just remember, when you control the mail, you control... information.

Jerry: People don't just bump into each other and have sex. This isn't Cinemax.

Frank Costanza: Doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure gets too high, the man on the tape tells me to say: "SERENITY NOW"
George Costanza: Are you supposed to yell it?
Frank Costanza: The man on the tape wasn't specific

and my favorite..

Jerry: Newman, you wouldn't eat broccoli if it was deep fried in chocolate sauce.
Newman: I love broccoli. It's good for you.
Jerry: Really? Then maybe you'd like to have a piece?
Newman: Gladly.
[Newman spits it out]
Newman: Vile weed!

 

[phillyfan26]

Newman: Damn you Seinfeld. You usless postule.

 

[FitzChivalry]

PETERMAN: (in his sing-song fashion) Other Walter's got a pollup in the duadnum. It's benign, but oh what a bastard.

 

[Lila64]

George: My boys can swim! I can do it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Elaine: You know what your problem is? Your standards are too high.
Jerry: I went out with you.
Elaine: That's because my standards are too low.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
JERRY: She's good looking.

GEORGE: How good looking?

JERRY: Very good looking.

GEORGE: Really good looking?

JERRY: Really very good looking.

GEORGE: Would you take her out?

JERRY: Yes, I would take her out.

GEORGE: Oh, you hesitated.

JERRY: What hesitate? I didn't hesitate!

GEORGE: No, something's off here, you hesitated.

JERRY: I'm telling you, she's good looking.

GEORGE: What about the body, what kind of body?

JERRY: Good body, nice body.

GEORGE: How nice?

JERRY: Nice.

GEORGE: Just nice?

JERRY: Pretty nice.

GEORGE: Really good?

JERRY: Really very nice and good.

GEORGE: What about personality?

JERRY: Good personality. Funny. Bright.

GEORGE: Smarter than me? I don't want anyone smarter than me.

JERRY: How could she be smarter than you?

GEORGE: Alright, let's see, let's see. What else. What else. Oh yeah, what does she do?

GEORGE: What kind of hair?

JERRY: You know, long dark hair.

GEORGE: Flowing?

JERRY: Flowing?

GEORGE: Is it flowing? I like flowing, cascading hair. Thick lustrous hair is very important to me.

JERRY: 'Thick lustrous hair is very important to me,' is that what you said?

GEORGE: Yeah, that's right.

JERRY: Just clarifying.

GEORGE: Let me ask you this. If you stick your hand in the hair is it easy to get it out?

JERRY: Do you want to be able to get it out or do you want to not be able to get it out?

GEORGE: I'd like to be able to get it out.

JERRY: I think you'll get it out.

GEORGE: What about the skin? I need a good cheek, I like a good cheek.

JERRY: She's got a fine cheek.

GEORGE: Is there a pinkish hue?

JERRY: A pinkish hue?

GEORGE: Yes, a rosy glow.

JERRY: There's a hue. She's got great eyebrows, women kill to have her eyebrows.

GEORGE: Who cares about eyebrows? Is she sweet? I like sweet. But not too sweet, you could throw up from that.

JERRY: I don't think you'll throw up. *She* likes to throw up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's in the vault!

 

[WildHoneyAlways]

there's a new Neil in town!

 

[Lila64]

What's up with that?

 

[tarquinsuperb]

Kramer: I know it sounds pretty glamorous, but it’s business as usual at Kramerica.

Dean Jones: As far as I can tell your entire enterprise is nothing more than a solitary man with a messy apartment which may or may not contain a chicken.

Kramer: And with Darren’s help, we’ll get that chicken.

 

[trayzee]

George: "She's bald"!

Jerry: "She's Bald'!



what a brilliant link . the sign is my all time favourite show

 

[trayzee]

" Not that theres anything wrong with that"!

 

[trayzee]

"You double dipped the chip"
Thats like putting your whole mouth in the dip
"Just take one dip and end it"
to george costanza.

 

[shortfuse]

George: the ego on you...who will bomb you... the airlines because of the peanut jokes?

Jerry: oh... and your bombable?

George: there are a couple of people that would like me out of the way

Jerry: there's more than a couple

 

[shortfuse]

George: i looked that great fish straight in the eye

Jerry: Mammal..

George: Whatever

 

[shortfuse]

Send over that Calazone... Big Stein wants a little taste!

 

[shortfuse]

so you really went bald there didn't you?

 

[shortfuse]

Jerry.... you gotta see the baby!

 

[shortfuse]

Jerry : Oh i can already feel Kramer's blood inside me..... borrowing things from my blood.

 

[shortfuse]

Lets just say that Poppie... is a little sloppy.

 

[shortfuse]

Ach-hooo......

You're sooooo good looking!

 

[FitzChivalry]

(George and Kraemer at Monk's Cafe)

KRAEMER: Why aren't you telling this to Jerry?

GEORGE: Jerry! (snorts) I can't talk to Jerry anymore. Lately, he's too much like . . . you.

KRAEMER: That's a shame.

 

[jonnytakeawalk]

George- No I can't. I can't die with dignity. I have no dignity. I want to be the one person who doesn't die with dignity. I live my whole life in shame. Why should I die with dignity?

 

[BrownEyedBoy]

This one was particularly funny:

Elaine: Vaya con Dios!

Kramer: "Con Dee ohs"?? That was rude!

 

[trayzee]

"YO YO MA " Kramer.

"In my mind I'm already gone'" KRAMER

'I've gotta go zoo. I figure I can set more of my own schedule' George to Jerry on being abucted by aliens, whether to be in their circus or zoo.

'Which would you date, the blind or the deaf ? ' GEORGE : 'Definitely the blind. They can't see what u look like'. ELAINE : 'Somehow, I'd think they'd know.'
JERRY : ' Now I'd rather date the deaf, cos the blind could get pretty messy around the house'.

 

[trayzee]

'For 20 bucks, I'd put my face in their soup and blow." George in THE CHINESE RESTAURANT.


'He stole my move.' JERRY. 'He ends with the pinch, which I find a bit presumptuous'.

George; Does this move involve a knuckle?'
Elaine : As a matter of fact it does.
George: "I think thats my move"
Elaine: "why am I not surprised?'


Stellaaaaa!!!

 

[trayzee]

"Im Cosmo Kramer the assman!'


Just love the sein a brilliant thread

 

[LMP]

I don't trust men in capes.