The NBA All Star Game

[Headache in a Suitcase]

I'm gonna keep a running diary as I watch the NBA All Star Game... i'm the only one in here who's probably watching... so i'll probably just be talking to myself, but eh... what the hell

The Pregame

8:32: Outkast rules

8:34: they just started the player intro's... andree 3000's still rockin' out hey ya in the background. have i ever mentioned how much i hate paul pierce? well if i haven't, i'm officialy making that declaration now. i'm sure you're all glad you know that now.

8:36: ben wallace's fro' scares me

8:38: when did outkast steal farnsworth bentely away from p.diddy?

8:40: dirk is a superfreak

8:43: notice how the denver nuggets mascot didn't go to great kobe...

8:44: who brought nelly furtado out of hiding?

8:46: time for the star spangled dirrty remix...someone tell x-tina that she's not ghetto, never has been ghetto, and never will be ghetto.

 

[Mr. BAW]

Nelly Furtado looking sexy but sounding shakey!

WTF with Christina Aguilera.....dis'd a beautiful anthem!

 

[Headache in a Suitcase]

1st quarter

8:52: yao is large

8:55: yao is still large

8:57: jermaine o'neal will be playing this game tonight in honor of his brother tito

8:59: ashton kutcher's in the stands. 2 to 1 he takes the mike durring halftime and tells kobe that he's been punk'd

9:01: kobe bryant, an alleged rapist, just stole the ball from jason kidd, a convicted wifebeater. the nba... it's faaaantastic

9:04: steve francis blows

9:05: jigga what? jigga who?

9:08: what exactly is the point of this mcdonalds commercial where they're playing basketball on rollerblades? i mean what the hell... who the hell plays basketball on rollerblades?

9:10: lennox lewis blows

9:11: i'd like to reafirm my hatred for paul pierce... and why in the blue hell is ron artest wearing two different shoes?

9:13: great idea by the nba coaches to take ray "jesus" allen on the all star game even though he's missed half the season thus far over carmello anthony... really though. i mean it. great idea.

1st quarter score... east 33-west 31.

 

[Headache in a Suitcase]

2nd quarter

9:19: sam cassell looks like an alien

9:20: dirk, peja and jesus are all on the court together... quite the trio of shooters. all they need is eddie griffin and jayson williams and they're set... ohhhhhhhhh

9:20: why is jamal magloire shooting the ball? why is jamal magloire an all star? why is ron artest now wearing 2 different shoes? why am i doing this running diary? ponderous...

9:27: i've decided that steve francis looks like jamie foxx... and on that subject... why in the blue hell is jamie foxx singing now?

9:29: dirk is nasty

9:30: there was just a commercial for a new movie "soul plane"... starring snoop dogg, method man, d.l. hughley, and tom arnold... WHAT DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!?!?!

9:33: cheryl miller looks spookily like her brother... and serena williams has big... uh... tennis balls

9:34: andre "ivan drago" kirilenko is in... if he dies, he dies

9:38: SAMUEL JACKSON BEER!!! IT'LL GET YOU DRUNK!!! YOU'LL BE F:CENSORED:KING FAT CHICKS IN NO TIME!!! YOU MIGHT EVEN FIGHT A N:CENSORED: OR TWO!!!

9:39: i've now realized that i can never watch a movie or commercial with samuel l. jackson in it again without instantly thinking of chapelle's samuel jackson beer skit.

9:41: there's been a luke walton sighting... if only someone could find bill...

9:42: mcgrady just tossed a pass to himself off the backboard and dunked it... which he did in last year's all star game, but eh... i don't care. it was cool this time too. and for some reason tracy mcgrady is also wearing two different pairs of shoes... what the hell is going on here

9:44: marv's talking about the knicks trade... keith van horn and micheal doleac for tim thomas and nazr mohammed... keith van horn gets passed around more than paris hilton... yessssssss, and it counts!

9:46: kobe just got away with a really hard foul... yeah... i know... i'm thinking it too... i just won't say it...

half time score, east 64, west 58

 

[Headache in a Suitcase]

Halftime

9:51: hey nash... how about hustlin' a little bit eh? ya hoser... it does not matter if that commercial's a year old... i still get a kick out of it.

9:53: michael mcdonald appears in one friggin MCI commercial and all of a sudden he has a career again... I don't get it. he's singing what's goin' on... beyonce's also supposed to be in the halftime show... hmmm... where's bono? and where's carrot top? and janet jackson's boobies?

9:54: michael mcdonald's performance has been brought to you by www.menwholooklikekennyrogers.com

9:57: michael mcdonald's still singing... why? no one's really sure...

9:58: beyonce is much hotter than michael mcdonald. oh how i'd like to be that disco ball she's riding down from the rafters on... i would like to know how she's singing without a microphone though... oh well... let's just sit back and hope for a wardrobe malfunction.

10:01: someone just gave beyonce' a microphone... interesting how you could hear her in the first half of her performance when she forgot the "microphone" on the discoball that went back up to the rafters... yet know she all of a sudden needs a microphone to hear her... come on now... when the lipsynching's that obvious, why fight it?

10:02: world series of poker's on espn2... nice.

10:04: great move by sammy farha to throw a 60,000 bet on his aces. well plaid.

10:09: i take back my comments abou x-tina. if ll cool j can rap about gatorade in a commericial, then x-tina can be ghetto if she'd like to be.

10:11: "now i believe gay people should be allowed to marry, 'cause what they do is there business. but if you saw beyonce', why would you want to be gay?"
-charles barkley... philosopher extrodinaire

 

[Headache in a Suitcase]

Third Quarter

10:13: yao is just as large as he was in the first half

10:16: chris webber will be suspended for 8 games due to lying to a grand jury when he comes back from his injury. why in the hell would you tell him that before he came back from his injur? wouldn't you just "activate yourself 8 games before you're ready to come back? ponderous...

10:18: steve francis still blows

10:24: i see the read to achieve program is really being supported by the nba's top stars... luke walton??? he's played like 2 minutes the entire season

10:25: my friend just commented that the nba has changed the name of the read to achieve program to the "read to rasheed while he tokes on the weed" program... it's faaaaantastic

10:29: currently on the court, a wifebeater , a rapist (allegedly), a stab victim, a guy who's been arrested for drug posession, ivan drago, and a guy who actually thought appearing in kazaam would be a good idea, while a cross-dressing sexual offender (allegedly) is does the play by play... i love this game

10:31: how long till nike sues sprite for stealing chris rock's lil' penny bit?

10:34: "dude's wearin' two different shoes."
-jason kidd, master of the obvious

10:37: shaq's the man

10:38: ivan drago with the dunk at the buzzer... i vill break you
score after three quarters... west 103, east 101

 

[Headache in a Suitcase]

10:43: yup... yao's still large

10:45: kobe just laid it in instead of going hard to the hole... i know, i know... i'm thinking it too...

10:47: steve francis reeeeeally needs to stop dribbling the ball...

10:48: your 4 legged buddy with his 9 inch tail... wing dooooooooooog

10:51: star jones just got engaged at courtside... why? i done not know

10:52: am i the only one who noticed the denver nuggets mascot running away at the bottom of the screen when kobe shot the ball?

10:59: "i love this game 'cause of three point shot"
-peja stojakovic, master of the english language

11:05: top quality producing by tnt... shaq throws down a fast break dunk, followed by a fast break dunk by jermaine "heeee-heeee" o'neal... and we see none of them thanks to a well timed graphic on the screen... and on a side note, shaq stumbled into the front row after durnking it and landed on ruben studdard... the two shared a t-bone steak, and then shaq returned to action.

11:14: i'm always baffled when a guy in an all star game tries to go iso on his guy... YOU HAVE 4 ALL STARS ON YOUR TEAM... PASS THE BALL TO THE OPEN MAN.

11:16: i'm even more baffled that "all stars" can't make a free throw

11:17: tim duncan is nice

11:19: "i hate the drake!!"
-george costanza

11:20: again... why in the hell would you go with an ISO play in an all star game... move the damn ball. jordan ain't out there.

your final score... west 136- east 132. mvp shaq' fu da return... pissing kobe off even more.

 

[intedomine]

When the basketballs on the box, its a perfect time for a long *yawns* snooooooooooze.......

 

[Headache in a Suitcase]

come now... i left your "basketball is bullshit" comment alone the first time... don't get me started...

 

[U2ME3]

i tivo'd the game but i guess i don't have to watch now because of your great recap headache. thanks.

 

[Mr. BAW]

You 'da man, Headache, you da'man!!!

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

And I love Paul Pierce



And that was oh-so-classy that Star's fiance left his sunglasses on when he proposed

Did they need attention that badly?

 

[Headache in a Suitcase]

anything i can do to help lower the actuall ratings of the nba

 

[intedomine]

They'd be low enough already wouldnt they.......I don't see how anyone could sit through a game.

back and forth back and forth

 

[Headache in a Suitcase]

yea good point basketball does go back and forth... and don't ya just hate sports that go back and forth... such as tennis, hockey, football, soccer, badminton, volleyball, roller hockey, beach vollyeball, ping pong, air hockey, shuffleboard, field hockey, checkers...

 

[U2ME3]

horseshoes

 

[Headache in a Suitcase]

yes! how could i forget horeshoes!

 

[intedomine]

yes but everytime soccer goes back and forth, it isnt always a score

 

[Headache in a Suitcase]

it's a different game... you don't like it, that's fine. i don't really care... everyone's allowed their own opinion. some of us around here try to make a living in this so called "bullshit" sport, as you put it... thus then some of us tend to over-react and get pissed off by said remarks. some of us, that is.

but you're entitled to your own opinions, and if ya hate basketball, congratulations. some of us find soccer boring for the exact same reasons why you seem to like it. to each his own i guess.