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Old 03-11-2002, 06:53 PM   #1
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Telemarketer Fun!!!

Telemarketer Fun

As I've mentioned before, I like to make my own fun.
Telemarketers are annoying, but you can even have fun with
them if you really want to. I pulled a dandy on one who
called a few months ago offering a free carpet shampoo in
order to get in the house to try and sell their vacuum
cleaner/carpet shampooer.

When the gal identified the company she was calling from I
knew immediately what it was about, so I jumped right in...

Me: Will your cleaner get out blood? (I made my voice sound
like I was excited and out of breath)

Her: Blood?

Me: Yeah, blood. There's blood everywhere. Does it do
walls too?

Her: (pause) Yes, I think it will. I'

Me: Can you come over right now?

Her: I...I mean we...uh...right now?

Me: Yeah, blood is easier to get out when it's fresh. Once
it sets in it's a lot more work to get o! ut.

Her: I think much blood is there?

Me: It's everywhere, weren't you listening? Hey, you work
confidentially don't you? I mean, you won't call the police
or anything, right?

(looong pause)

Me: Can you come over right now, and I mean NOW.

Her: Uh, no, we have to set up an appointment. I'll have to
call you back. It will take a week or two. Thank you, goodbye.

At that point I was expecting the police to show up to
investigate the blood, but they never did. Funny thing is,
this company usually calls about once a month or so if you
don't take them up on their carpet cleaning offer - they
haven't called me back since.

"If he gets up...we'll all get up...It'll be anarchy!!"

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Old 03-11-2002, 06:56 PM   #2
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Good work MacPhooey. Way to do it for the team.

Ever seen an Alice with a stem like that? Come to think of it, did you ever see an Alice??

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Old 03-11-2002, 11:43 PM   #3
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I've heard that joke before, where does that come from?

I miss the innocence I've known
Playin' KISS covers beautiful and stoned
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Old 03-12-2002, 12:32 AM   #4
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I've gotten this by e-mail before. While I've never actually tried any of these things, I think I just might one of these days!

10 Ways To Get Back At Telemarketers

10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."

9. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

8. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends ....would you be my friend?"

6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

5. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips.

4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" Say good bye - and Hang up.

2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

1. And first and foremost:
Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.

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Old 03-12-2002, 12:36 AM   #5
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I would be careful if I were you...Telemarketers can get back at you...
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Old 03-12-2002, 12:40 AM   #6
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Thank God no one used these mean ones on me...I hated being a telemarketer!!
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Old 03-12-2002, 12:54 AM   #7
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We just had a telemarketer thread, didn't we?


"Hallelujah, Heaven's white rose,
The doors you open...I just can't close..."
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Old 03-12-2002, 09:32 AM   #8
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I had this great sound file a friend sent me on October. Its a guy from the FBI calling the Taliban telling them the U.S. is coming after them and they may have guns but they don't have an answering machine. Then its a bunch of telemarketers calling "Mr. Tali Ban-- aluminum siding can boost your home's price." etc., etc. and then the Taliban surrender.
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Old 03-12-2002, 09:43 AM   #9
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Originally posted by candyfloss:
I've heard that joke before, where does that come from?

Anthony Clark (now in "Yes, Dear" on CBS) used to do a similar bit in his stand up act...he'd splash water on his face and talk about going to the dry cleaners saying..."can you get out blood, I mean a whole lot of blood."


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