sulawesigirl4
Rock n' Roll Doggie ALL ACCESS
lmao, that is hilarious! Having had kitties for eons, I can attest to the truth of many of those statements.
Rules for . . .
- Thread starter sulawesigirl4
- Start date
The friendliest place on the web for anyone that follows U2.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
Naya
Refugee
lmao
Very cute and true ! (even if i don't have a cat)
Very cute and true ! (even if i don't have a cat)
Lilly
Rock n' Roll Doggie FOB
LMFAO! This is all so true.....must be published in some sort of kitty newsletter they get when they're born....suspucious....
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"Just tell 'em what they wanna hear & nobody will complain."
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"Just tell 'em what they wanna hear & nobody will complain."
Peaseblossom
War Child
It's amazing- my cat has apparently been writing. That's him in a nutshell.
YellowKite
War Child
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue. (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time....
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Mone
You ain't nothin without a rhythm section to back you up.
"What Adam does with his willy is his business..." -Bono
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue. (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time....
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Mone
You ain't nothin without a rhythm section to back you up.
"What Adam does with his willy is his business..." -Bono
YellowKite
War Child
MORE CAT HUMOR:
1. After dark, all cats are jaguars.
2. Never * ever* try to baptize a cat.
3. Cats are smarter than dogs. You cannot get a cat to pull a sled.
4. A cat knows your every thought. It doesn't care. But it knows.
5. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I will put shoes on my cat ...
6. Most people with cats, know they are being controlled. That's the horror of it ...
7. Never try to out stubborn a cat.
8. Thousands of years ago ,humans worshiped the cat. They have not forgotten this . . .
9. Whenever I bathe my cat, it takes an hour to get the fur off of my tongue.
10. I prefer to live with Feline Sapiens, thank you very much.
11. (picture of a fat tabby on a couch , looking at his owner) "My species domesticated your species... "
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Mone
You ain't nothin without a rhythm section to back you up.
"What Adam does with his willy is his business..." -Bono
1. After dark, all cats are jaguars.
2. Never * ever* try to baptize a cat.
3. Cats are smarter than dogs. You cannot get a cat to pull a sled.
4. A cat knows your every thought. It doesn't care. But it knows.
5. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I will put shoes on my cat ...
6. Most people with cats, know they are being controlled. That's the horror of it ...
7. Never try to out stubborn a cat.
8. Thousands of years ago ,humans worshiped the cat. They have not forgotten this . . .
9. Whenever I bathe my cat, it takes an hour to get the fur off of my tongue.
10. I prefer to live with Feline Sapiens, thank you very much.
11. (picture of a fat tabby on a couch , looking at his owner) "My species domesticated your species... "
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Mone
You ain't nothin without a rhythm section to back you up.
"What Adam does with his willy is his business..." -Bono
Ana
Rock n' Roll Doggie Band-aid
YAY for kitties!
Whiskers
The Fly
*meow*
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"I'm Fluffy, Gray, And Oh So Cute!"
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"I'm Fluffy, Gray, And Oh So Cute!"
Ana
Rock n' Roll Doggie Band-aid
LOL Bon... I mean Whiskers
bullet the blue sky
Refugee
Stop talking about my cat!!
zooropa16
The Fly
that was too funny. Cats RULE!!!!!!!!!
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Don't let the bastards grind you down.
Zooropa FTP
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Don't let the bastards grind you down.
Zooropa FTP
bono_man
Thom's Bitch
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2000
- Messages
- 2,287
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"we're free to fly the crimson sky...the sun won't melt our wings tonight..."
YellowKite
War Child
Rules for Cats to Live By!
BATHROOMS:
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.
DOORS:
Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.
CHAIRS AND RUGS:
If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it is as long as a humans bare foot.
HAMPERING:
If one of your humans is engaged in some activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping," otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for "hampering:"
1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being tepped on and then picked up and comforted.
2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.
3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work as possible or at least. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen.
4) For people paying bills or working on income taxes or Christmas cards, keep in mind the aim: to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.
5) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. Humans love to jump.
6) When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay in human's lap across arms, hampering typing in progress.
WALKING:
As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.
BEDTIME:
Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.
LITTER BOX:
When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes.
HIDING:
Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances. This will cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses and you will probably get a treat.
ONE LAST THOUGHT:
Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, turn around, and present your butt to them. Humans love this, so do it often. And don't forget guests.
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Mone
You ain't nothin without a rhythm section to back you up.
"What Adam does with his willy is his business..." -Bono
BATHROOMS:
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.
DOORS:
Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.
CHAIRS AND RUGS:
If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it is as long as a humans bare foot.
HAMPERING:
If one of your humans is engaged in some activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping," otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for "hampering:"
1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being tepped on and then picked up and comforted.
2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.
3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work as possible or at least. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen.
4) For people paying bills or working on income taxes or Christmas cards, keep in mind the aim: to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.
5) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. Humans love to jump.
6) When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay in human's lap across arms, hampering typing in progress.
WALKING:
As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.
BEDTIME:
Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.
LITTER BOX:
When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes.
HIDING:
Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances. This will cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses and you will probably get a treat.
ONE LAST THOUGHT:
Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, turn around, and present your butt to them. Humans love this, so do it often. And don't forget guests.
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Mone
You ain't nothin without a rhythm section to back you up.
"What Adam does with his willy is his business..." -Bono
YAY FOR KITTIES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
zonelistener
ONE love, blood, life
I just moved into a house controlled by a mutt named Mia (sorry for those who have the same name). We have a door mat that has this on it, but instead of 'danglin objects' it has 'squeeze toys' - I forget what the last line is.
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