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Old 03-18-2002, 02:10 PM   #1
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Random questions

1) In theory, do you think that people need someone to complete them, or is it possible that one can manage on his/her own just fine?

2) If one is not completely ok with his/her own life, surely they can't rely on others to fulfill them. Right?

3) How come some divorced people act all angry&vengeful towards each other?
I may be idealistic here, but i imagine if you had feelings for someone once, you don't get hostile later...especially if there's children involved.
At the very least, isn't it common sense that both parties act in a respectful, normal way?


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Old 03-18-2002, 02:31 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally posted by U2girl:
1)
3) How come some divorced people act all angry&vengeful towards each other?
I may be idealistic here, but i imagine if you had feelings for someone once, you don't get hostile later...especially if there's children involved.
At the very least, isn't it common sense that both parties act in a respectful, normal way?
you would have to marry and have kids to understand why. i've been down that way, still am angry and vengeful. but my only revenge is to move on, make a new life for myself and my daughter. yes, my ex and i are somewhat civil to each other for our daughter's sake. but thats all. the only thing we can do right now.

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Old 03-18-2002, 02:37 PM   #3
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I agree with Nellie..

Divorce is a very touchy subject, U2Girl, for those of us who have been through it. Maybe the divorce was bad, maybe it was a blessing - but unless you can even fathom the situations some of us have faced, stating idealism might not get you the answers you desire. I will commend you, though, on stating idealism for your own life, should you encounter divorce down the road.
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Old 03-18-2002, 02:58 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally posted by U2girl:
How come some divorced people act all angry&vengeful towards each other?
I may be idealistic here, but i imagine if you had feelings for someone once, you don't get hostile later...especially if there's children involved.
Do you live in a plastic bubble?

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Old 03-18-2002, 04:51 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally posted by wolbuoy:
Do you live in a plastic bubble?

I'm just asking theoretical (on my part anyway) questions.

If you find this thread offensive (not that it had that intention) or insulting to your intelligence, by all means, you don't have to reply to it.

By the way - i don't mean to bring up any painful memories to those who have experience with divorce.
I guess the (idealistic, i know) way i look at it is "it may not always work out, but the least people can do is keep things clean afterwards".
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Old 03-18-2002, 04:56 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally posted by U2girl:

I guess the (idealistic, i know) way i look at it is "it may not always work out, but the least people can do is keep things clean afterwards".
Again, your idealism is admirable.

But you also really really need to consider other factors cause divorce other than it didn't "work out." Factors such as abuse, infidelity, etc., many sordid factors.

Sometimes it is impossible to keep it clean.

I speak from experience. So do many of us.
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Old 03-18-2002, 05:53 PM   #7
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1) In theory, do you think that people need someone to complete them, or is it possible that one can manage on his/her own just fine?
I think that people can manage by themselves, but are just better in relationships (not necessarily romantic ones either). I think that through story and relations, people learn how to better their own lives and become better people.

2) If one is not completely ok with his/her own life, surely they can't rely on others to fulfill them. Right?
No, a sense of fulfillment mus first come from within (yea, still waiting on that feeling...). If you can't give yourself satisfaction, you can't expect others to give it to you.


3) How come some divorced people act all angry&vengeful towards each other?
I may be idealistic here, but i imagine if you had feelings for someone once, you don't get hostile later...especially if there's children involved.
At the very least, isn't it common sense that both parties act in a respectful, normal way?

Whoa, touching quite the nerve there....uhh, well it seems that way doesn't it? That people who were once so in love should still be cordial? Well, truth is, divorce hurts people's pride and when they are hurt like that, people tend to become defensive and therefore more cruel than normal. It's strange how quickly relationships change though.


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Old 03-18-2002, 06:18 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by Lilly:



Whoa, touching quite the nerve there....uhh, well it seems that way doesn't it? That people who were once so in love should still be cordial? Well, truth is, divorce hurts people's pride and when they are hurt like that, people tend to become defensive and therefore more cruel than normal. It's strange how quickly relationships change though.


And trust me - Divorce hurts alot more than pride - because hurts much larger than pride cause divorce in many cases.

Relationships don't always change quickly - but then again, it depends on what kind of experience and exposure you have to divorce - whether you've been through it or just witnessed it, or not at all - your opinion will reflect that.

Divorced couples can't always be cordial because sometimes infidelity is at play - sometimes the husband is a batterer - would you be able to be cordial in that situation? Probably not.

At any rate, this is a very personal topic for many - and depending upon who you are and your experience with divorce - tread lightly, because you are bound to step on someone's toes, or rub salt in a very tender wound.
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Old 03-18-2002, 06:35 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally posted by HelloAngel:
Divorced couples can't always be cordial because sometimes infidelity is at play
I know all too well that that's a rather tender wound....trust me. Infidelity is something I cannot handle on any level. Ever. That's what happened with my parents. Married for 24 years now. My dad had an affair with a woman at work. My parents would go weeks without talking to one another, like I wouldn't notice....


P.S I mentioned pride that is hurt only because it's something that I noticed. I know that's not the only thing, but it was something that really stuck with me. Sorry if I tread on toes there, I certainly did not mean to.

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[This message has been edited by Lilly (edited 03-18-2002).]
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Old 03-18-2002, 10:36 PM   #10
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1. My take on it is this: we are spiritual creatures...people are also "herd animals" (so to speak)....we generally get on better with others. There will be those, or perhaps one, who are so close to filling in what you lack (and vice versa), that there is a kinship (call it soulmates or whatever). When you find such as those, hang on to them, for there won't be many for you in your lifetime.

2. Everyone can get on well by themselves for some time, but eventually you will find yourself realizing a need....we're all looking for something....whether you find it in God, or the pursuit of something less, I don't think any of us sit still for long--we're endlessly pursuing that which will "fill us in". Unfortunately, I have a nagging feeling that our preconceptions, prejudices and biases often keep us from finding exactly what we need, especially from others.

3. People who have feelings for each other are "in love". "In love" never lasts...it comes and goes. Love is a verb...it takes action (and a lot of it) to keep it up....you can't just feel your way through life. We're all difficult creatures and in a marriage, you have to make sure that you grow together. The only divorce I've experienced so far is that of my parents, but I understand very well the growth of ugly feelings and deep resentments and the way they can separate a couple who were once quite genuinely in love. You've got to watch your relationship constantly, or it might grow in a direction you don't want while you're not looking. I believe the "secret" to a happy relationship (marriage or otherwise) is "endless pursuit". So often we gain the affection, only to eventually let it lie and take it for granted. Continually "court" your lover, and you will go places you've not imagined.
My "theoretical" answers...working on 9 years in practice


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Old 03-19-2002, 03:13 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by wolbuoy:
Do you live in a plastic bubble?

that wasn't called for
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Old 03-19-2002, 03:28 AM   #12
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indeed, watch it wolbuoy

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Old 03-20-2002, 06:07 PM   #13
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i hate to intrude on what is a really thought-provoking thread, but i wanted to post some random stuff without starting a new thread. please don't hold this against me. i try not to start new threads if i can help it since i got yelled at my first few days here!!

anyway, my random stuff:

1. I was at a school today in Erie, PA and I saw 4 posters urging kids to read. Now, I may not be hip with the kids as much as I used to, but I wonder about the role models on these posters. 1. Glenn Close??? do kids even know who the hell she is? Antonio Banderas? Maybe they know him from Spy Kids.
Mel Gibson? and Whoopi Goldberg?? I dunno. Not very inspirational. Why don't they stick with the classics?? Scooby, Shaggy...and Optimus Prime???

2. I saw Carrot Top last saturday. He was AWESOME!!!

3. During a congressional investigation, the director of the INS, somebody Ziegler i think, was asked about his experience with immigration. The question was like, "based on your background, how are you qualified to direct the INS?" and he answer I swear to Bono was "Ummm, well, I know a lot of naturalized people."

WTF????

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Old 03-20-2002, 06:11 PM   #14
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just so i can justify my intrusion on your thread, I'd like to share my opinion. so...

1) In theory, do you think that people need someone to complete them, or is it possible that one can manage on his/her own just fine?
I think we can manage on our own as long as we are always honest with ourselves.

2) If one is not completely ok with his/her own life, surely they can't rely on others to fulfill them. Right?
I definitely agree with this.

3) How come some divorced people act all angry&vengeful towards each other?
I may be idealistic here, but i imagine if you had feelings for someone once, you don't get hostile later...especially if there's children involved.
At the very least, isn't it common sense that both parties act in a respectful, normal way?

I would agree with you. I have to say I don;t know many divorced people (yet) but i would never wish the worst divorce on anyone. ever.

so that's all i have for now.




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Old 03-20-2002, 06:13 PM   #15
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sorry--- one more random post.

this one certainly made me think.....

News Flash!
U.S. not center of the world, radicals claim

By Norman Solomon, fair.org

Washington — There were unconfirmed reports yesterday that the United States is not the center of the world.

The White House had no immediate comment on the reports, which set off a firestorm of controversy in the nation’s capital.

Speaking on background, a high-ranking State Department official doubted the reports would turn out to be true. "If that were the case," he said, "don’t you think we would have known about it a long time ago?"

On Capitol Hill, leaders of both parties were quick to rebut the assertion. "That certain news organizations would run with such a poorly sourced and obviously slanted story tells us that the liberal media are still up to their old tricks, despite the current crisis," a GOP lawmaker fumed. A prominent Democrat, also speaking on condition of anonymity, said that classified briefings to congressional intelligence panels disproved such claims long ago.

Scholars at leading think tanks were more restrained, and some said there was a certain amount of literal truth to the reports. But they pointed out that while the claim might be accurate in a narrow sense, it was taken out of context and could damage national unity at a time when the United States could ill afford such a disruption.

The claim evidently originated in a piece by a Lebanese journalist in a Beirut magazine. It was picked up by a pair of left-leaning daily newspapers in London. From there, the story quickly made its way across the Atlantic via the Internet.

"It shows how much we need seasoned, professional gatekeepers to separate the journalistic wheat from the chaff before it gains wide attention," remarked the managing editor of a major U.S. television network news program. "This is the kind of stuff you see on ideologically driven Web sites, but that hardly means it belongs on the evening news." A newsmagazine editor agreed, calling the reports "the worst kind of geographical correctness."

None of the major cable networks devoted much air time to the story. At one outlet, a news executive’s memo told staffers that any reference to the controversy should include mention of the fact that the United States continues to lead the globe in scientific discoveries. At a more conservative network, anchors and correspondents reminded viewers that English is widely acknowledged to be the international language—and more people speak English in the United States than in any other nation.

While government officials voiced acute skepticism about the notion that the United States is not the center of the world, they declined to comment on the record. Meanwhile, an informal survey of intellectuals with ties to influential magazines of political opinion, running the gamut from The Weekly Standard to The New Republic, indicated that the report was unlikely to gain much currency among Washington’s media elite.

"The problem with this kind of shoddy impersonation of reporting is that it’s hard to knock down because there are grains of truth," one editor commented. "Sure, who doesn’t know that our country includes only a small percentage of the planet’s land mass and population?"

Another well-known American journalist speculated that the controversy will soon pass: "Moral relativism remains a pernicious force in our society, but overall it holds less appeal than ever, even on American college campuses. It’s not just that we’re the only superpower—we happen also to be the light unto the nations and the key to the world’s fate. People who can’t accept that reality are not going to have much credibility."


-- Norman Solomon
From fair.org


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